The Rials

Easter is for lovers

2011-04-24T20:13:00.001-07:00

Uncle Rick

HerbLife

2011-04-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

Get hyped on this journey thru our garden

Cauliflower

Snap dragons

Celery

Small patch of oregano on the left

Too Close together carrots on the left, a row of basil in the middle, some cabbage and tomato on the right

Close up of the basil

Fingerling potato left, cucumber bush center and the oregano and celery right

Left to right: cauliflower, tomato, carrots

that is a real owl

Heartstrings

2011-04-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

Remember that guy that did the Beavis impersonation? Was he cool then or a dork? I thought Beavis and Butthead was dumb at the time so I thought he was a dork, but if you were a fan, was that dude cool? probably not.

I wonder what that dude is up to? He probably moved on to the cartmen impersonation. Yeah, mos def he did that. What does he do now? Lets see, he is probably aged 28-38, so hopefully he is more sophisticated. He probably does a family guy impersonation. I think maybe he started with Peter but then quickly moved on to doing stewie impersonations. Yep, I can guarantee this.

Every does some sort of impersonation (oh side note, only Family Guy voice copy worth its weight in salt is Cleveland, and not Cleveland from the Cleveland Show. Youuuur Welcome) But impersonations. We all do them, good or bad. Me, i talk to my daughter in a Russian accent when we drive around, pretending I am a cab driver who just picked up a baby and the baby is being very difficult in giving me directions. Every once in a while I will get so into character I would circle the block demanding she tell me where she is headed or i will just leave her right then and there on the corner.

Its hard for me, a professionally trained voice actor, to stay in the Russian accent, as 5 years of Yugoslavian barrage has striped me with any other dialect to use. It all turns Serbian after a couple sentences.

What is it with dialects that we like to mimic? Is it mean spirited? usually, but its universally accepted. I am not anti it, but if I walked around pretending I was obese and taking fake insulen shots, I would kinda be a dick. But if i walk around saying half sentences in a Swedish accent, its kinda funny and cute.

Weird.

Later.

¡Feliz cumpleaños! part 2

2011-03-22T06:29:00.000-07:00

Hang Tight

2011-03-21T11:58:00.000-07:00

We will post something. Promise.

We Regret to Inform You

2011-03-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

that we are all in the throws of either mutation into zombies or a nasty virus. Birthday week revisited will commence later.

¡Feliz cumpleaños! part 1

2011-03-11T09:13:00.000-08:00

March 1-thru 7, famously known as birthday week came and happened. You missed it. We hired a astronaut to make balloon animals. Here are photos:

Hey whats the deal?

2011-03-10T07:39:00.000-08:00

So...its 2011 huh. How did that happen? Apparently a lot has happened since we last spoke, and by apparently I mean, we think these things happened because a TV show told us they did. But really, FOX news, I mean, they got FOX in the name. They have movie studio magic behind them. CNN...you can't trust a southerner, MSNBC...never trust too many acronyms. Until a Libyan, if that is even a a country, I have never been there, never even met anyone claiming to be from there, tells me with signed and noted documents, that his/her country is in the throws of a civil war, I am going to be a skeptic. Its 2011 people, we got to draw a line in the sand.

What I do know as I lived it, breathed it, bathed in it, washed, folded, and carefully put away was Christmas, birthday week, and incredibly mediocre stories of fun. (oh, you all probably didn't get that telegraph, which is another thing 2011 is all about, antiquated technology, but 2011 is all about fun. Wild concept right!)

We are going to dust off this old time machine and blow your mind with what we have been up to. And trust me. Its going to be fun. (actually don't trust me, read the first paragraph. All of this could be lies. Photoshoped fairy tales.)

Eat Fresh

2010-12-13T18:45:00.000-08:00

My first job that wasn't doing janitorial work with my folks on the side was at a sandwich establishment known for some dude loosing a lot of weight and bastardizing the good name of meat and bread. I was 15, I applied while my family was ordering some food, called in by the time we got home to eat said sub par food. I probably shouldn't have taken it. I remember a fellow by the name of Jeremy claiming some hair brained idea that all "real skaters" had to work at a. sandwich shop, he was wrong of course, but this kinda gave the job a sense of honor. Too bad I heard this years after the fact, but this was the first in my almost 10 years of perfecting the craft of.
sanwichery
My first day was a sunday, I showed up at 4 to help prep for the dinner rush. An acquaintance of mine's older sister was there as was the assistant manager (he had those rollerblade chocolate skates that had the Hershey's chocolate logo on the back of it, he was also from Michigan and lived across the street. He was lame)After an hour of folding slimy meat into trios and BM something or the others, the two before mentioned co-workers left, only to be replaced by this long hair dude smelling very musky. Hw was warned by the assistant manager to make sure I get trained right. He agreed and when they left he sat on the prep table and told me it was his last day and he didn't give a shit about anything.

OK. Well, my first day was to be trained by some dude whose job I was obviously replacing and he didn't give a shit. Can't be bad. Me and the dude go over our formalities and intros, and then right on cue in walks this girl with a pink stripe in her hair. He hops over the counter an d gives her a hug and they both come into the back room, he introduces her to me as his cousin and said its cool if she hangs. By the hugging and squeezing I was pretty convinced her had a very close family or this girl wasn't his cousin.

Long haired dude and his cousin turn up the radio and tell me to help any customers that come in, they are going to be in the freezer. UUUGGGHHHH, all right, I got this, I have no idea how to use the cash register, but I can make a sandwich, lets do this. I wait and wait and no one comes in, but the radio is really loud, and it was KUPD's "Into The Pit" which at this time played such cutting edge and alternative rock such as Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit, you know, before they were cool. If I had to sit here and be nervous I was changing the tunes, screw this guy and his cousin, who were probably screwing, but I digress. I change the station to the EDGJ Ska Punk Show.

Long haired dude emerges from the freezer that now smells like an arctic version of the musk that followed him in when he first arrived, him and his cousin have very bright red eyes. They pause for a minute, dude gets angry, but in a slow angry, and complains about me touching his radio. I explain how I did what I could to get by man, he doesn't jive, tells me to call the assistant manager, who I don't have the number for, and him and his cousin walk out, never to be scene again.'

Weird first day indeed.

here , in order, are my albums of the year. 2010.

Young Livers - Of Misery and Toil
Superchunk - Majesty Shredding
Coliseum - House with a curse
Torche - Songs For singles
Bison B.C. - Dark Ages
Rumspringer - Empty Towers
From Ashes Rise - Live Hell
NAILS - Unsilent Death
CAGEMATCH - S/T (I was just a fan then)

Best Albums Year End List

2010-12-10T11:20:00.000-08:00

It’s nearing the end of 2010, so that means it’s list-making time. Yes, it’s a bit cliché but lists are fun. We all like to read them and rail against them.

So anyway, here is my favorite records of the year 1994. Just so you know, my personal music taste leans on the heavier, more aggressive side of the spectrum, but don’t be surprised if you see an indie or hip hop release mentioned. Also I was 12 in 1994, and I was listening to Green Day, Nirvana, and probally a little Guns and Roses and Metallica, none of these albums crossed my plate in 1994, this is a retro active diary. My take is if it’s good, it’s good, no matter the classification. Also, I’m not separating EPs from LPs, just to make it easy.

#1 Jawbreaker - 24 Hour Revenge Therapy.
The album that got jawbreaker a major label deal, this Steve Albini recorded "master piece" really sums this band up. It is more polished and catchy then the previous releases, but not as introverted as its successor, Dear You, it is Jawbreaker in a nutshell. It is also has a collection of some of my favorite songs ever on it.

#2 AVAIL - Dixie
Opened it up to be manly, caring and southern. All at once.

#3 Gravediggaz - 6 feet deep
this shit is tight.

#4 Weezer - Blue album
I thought this was so cool when it came out, it was a breath of fresh air from grungy stuff. In retrospect i only really like My Name is Jonas, but still a killer album for you there , 1994.

#5 NoFX - Punk in Drublic
So fast, so angry, so much better then anything before and after it.

Honorably Mentioned
Rancid - Lets Go
Pantera -Far Beyond Driven
Green Day - Dookie
Method Man - Tical

این افراد برای شما درشکه دو چرخه دو نفره

HEY...you have to hide your love away.

2010-12-09T07:55:00.000-08:00

People get bummed alot. I know I do. I think its the amount of time your bummed compounded by the severity or said bum divided by how much you let being bummed become who you are (or affect your demeanor, but I like the become who you are phrase). I see the most amount of people being not hyped when I am either at work or at some ones work. And really, who likes slaving there life away for a false hope of something "better". I sure as shit don't. But I also don't like being bummed. If I hulked around all day being bummed and miserable (well I am miserable, but in a positive way, kinda like being sick, your sick and shitty, but you don't have to go to work and you get to sit around and not get dressed and relax, but your body is fighting if an infection, so your kinda miserable....maybe that analogy is a stretch...and off topic...well not off topic...but going int he wrong direction...maybe we should get back to the story at hand.....)

If I sulked around work all day being miserable and bummed then screw it. Might as well put a bullet in my head because guess what folks, we spend most our meaningless lives at work, buck up and make it the best you can. Because your bumming me out, and I will attack you. But seriously,I will attack you, and seriously, cheer the hell up, stop being so lame, I know you want to go back to bed but stupid work forced you to get up, guess what? I want to be water ski-ing while drinking champagne out of hollowed out Caribu tusks, but guess who didn't get to do that today...me! Not letting it bring me down, and you know that is a pretty incredible thing, your reason to be bummed was sleep, that shit happens every day of every year to every single person. And it WILL happen again, just make it thru this day and get home and jump in bed and sleep away the part of the day that your never going to be miserable because your only truly happy when your in your fantasy dream world where your hot and smart and well read and don't smell like an old coat and you are funny and be think your interesting. Yeah, the horrible sun will rise and you will have to go back to being a sinister bum out machine, but then after 8 grueling hours you can get back to your world where your only truly appreciated and can really be your self, cause god forbid you can really be nice and funny and smart and interesting at work, because that place SUCKS!

Hmmm...what else, oh, do you get angry about seasons greetings? Really? Do you collect old newspapers? Give me a break. I don't personally think some Jewish dude was born in a shed 2000 years ago this month, but I don't care, if for one month we can all be positive and festive and joyful and what the hell ever, then sign me the eff up, and if some one wants to say Season Greetings, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, I really don't give a shit, at least they aren't complaining about how shitty there life is and are being positive people and trying to make the day some what pleasant, even if it is under the pretense of a false idea. Being nice is awesome!

Merry Thursdays.

Booze Rulz

2010-11-18T08:06:00.000-08:00

It has come to our attention people do not know how to drink. Take the retarded banning of energy alcohol, it just shows that givin bad choices, people will take them. I have no problem with energy booze. It is fine, not my preferred choice, but I have consumed several of these, and if you haven't, then you know drinking several and driving is about as good idea as lighting your self on fire then jumping in a pit full of cobras. But you know what else is equal to or greater then that? Drinking ANYTHING and driving. So yeah.

But this isn't about Four Loko, this is about the classier things in life. Real booze. You people are really blowing it. Lets break this down.

Beer:

Beer is an excellent gateway drug to pregnancy and a nice beverage to drink in every single occasion. But 99% of you are totally off track with it. Beer should not be treated the way the general populations treats it. If you look at your local grocers beer section what do you see? Endless budweiser red and coors silver mixed in with some miller yellow. Gross, puke, and blah. Lets break make this clearer.

How to Drink Beer.
If you are drinking a beer out of a bottle, and you are not on the beach drinking a corona as you skip rocks across the ocean, then you must poor that beer into a mug. Drinking beer out of a bottle may give you the sense of some vague form of airs, but its just a bottle, its not particularity easy to drink out of and its hardly ergonomically designed to fit in a human hand. Poor draft beers and bottles into a mug. Thats number one.
Number two - cans aren't trashy. Beer in a can stays cooler, and perfectly fits in the clutchs of the imbiber. AND "good" beers come in cans folks. Off the top of my head, Four Peaks Sunbru, Newcastle Brown Ale, New Belgium Fat Tire, they are out there, get them. Another great thing about cans, they compact and make less trash. Done and Done right!

What beer to Drink:
All this time/liver wasted on Bud/Miller/Coors. Stop it. That shit is priced waay to high for the garbage it is and its not good. Really, its not. Try a "craftier" brew like a hefeweizen or IPA or anything other then an American Lager, they are tastier. And price. DUDES! Budweiser 12 pack is like $15. A "lesser" qaulity discount beer 18 is usually around $10. IF YOU FEEL SO DESIRED TO DRINK CRUMMY WATERED DOWN CORPORATE BEER, then drink the cheap stuff, cuz really Miller Highlife is waay better then Budweiser. Milwaukee Best is waaay better then Coors Original, Natural Light murders Miller Light. Take the challenge, the cheap guys kill the big dogs.

So, to recollect the info, cheap and craft beers, no middle of the road staples. Cans over bottles, mugs over all. Got it. i don't want to go to your BBQ and see you drinking bottles of Bud Light. Got it?

Liquor:

This industry is almost as effed up as the US economy. People treat booze as some sort of special occasion or lets get drunk as fast as possible item. Its has been abused and undervalued for way to long. People, stop mixing your drinks with gross soda and stop shooting candy flavored drinks, are you an adult drinking or a little kid?

How to drink booze.
This gets a lil more complicated then can or bottle or mug. But lets tackle whiskey, because rum is for sailors and vodka for Europeans. This all depends on what type whisky you are drinking. In some scenarios, a soda additive is fully acceptable, diabetes on the other hand is your call. If you drinking a bourbon or a Kentucky whisky, see Jim Beam and Jack Daniels, then put that stuff in soda. Better yet, put it in a nice ginger ale. If your in the woods, all bets are off, it has to be straight. But we aren't talking woods here.
If your drinking a higher grade Canadian whiskey, lets say Crown Royal. Never ever ever ever put soda in that. EVER. Save your money and buy some old crow and add a litter of RC or whatever, but if your drinking Crown Royal, no. Drink it neat. Its a sipping whisky, drink it in a large shot glass, no ice, no soda. Sip it, its good, its warm, its delicious.
Are you drinking scotch? Then get that on the rocks, chill it down and let some of the water delude the taste. Again no soda. If your drinking a blended scotch, you may want to skip the ice, the melting water will only accent the crappier whiskey they used in the blend (see crown royal)

Oh and while we are at chilling it with ice. NEVER put your booze in the freezer. EVER, its chemistry and science speaking here, not me. Keep in room temp.

What booze to drink.
If your shipping, drink whiskey, a blended Canadian or a single malt scotch. If your mixing, American whiskey. If your shooting it, what ever is cheapest. If vodka is in play, and its cheap vodka, add whatever juice you love or energy drink. If its gin your drinking, straight or with a kiss of ginger BEER (not ale) Again, rum is for sailors. The girly mix drinks that have a cocktail of a million things, that is in your court. I don't subscribe to those. My cocktail limit is three ingredients MAX. and I consider Ice an ingredient.

So folks. Take my advice and try taking some pride it what we put in our bodies, I mean none of this shit is good for you, so might as well make it enjoyable/classy/interesting.

More later on this topic...goodnight now!

Whats so civil about war anyway?

2010-10-31T21:53:00.000-07:00

All is fair

2010-10-31T12:17:00.001-07:00

So the crack game of chance fair game sharks known as the Rial Blog Night on the Town Blitz Package went to the Arizona State Fair this weekend. We ate 37 deep fried sticks of butter and shared one massive turkey (ostrich) leg. We suffered several cardiac arrests on the sky buckets.

Anyway. 1/3 rd of our crack investigative flag foot ball team isn't so hyped on the fair. 1/3rd is incredibly hyped on the fair. And the other 1/3rd is a pre toddler (like pre teen, tween, its twad, you will see this in the up coming Babies R' US catalog, coming in time from Christmas) So as 2/3rds of us took in the high culture of the fair, the remaining 1/3rd hung out with old ladies in a trailer park. BIG THANK YOU to Encanto Trailer Court for doing us that solid last minute, you guys will be getting a fruit cake for Kwanzaa, this is fact.

So, not wanting to pay the extortionist-esque high prices for parking, we quickly pulled into the first $5 lot we could find. It was manned by a battalion of grizzled homeless dudes. Which was actually pretty cool, more on them later. We walked thru the prize cow/ future hamburgers of America exhibit and into the boiling mess that is the fair grounds. We saw your standard fair crowd, girls who will be mothers by this time next year, couples on dates, gothic kids, gang members, families, street walking cheetahs, the standard. We strolled the alleys and looked at the amateur collect exhibits, took some photos in a photo booth, explored the bowels of the Mad House on McDowell, which was very cool.

Now, please know that we are die hard fans of the Association. The band and the national basketball association. So this place holds alot in our hearts. I (corey) have scene my fair share of Suns games there. Two stand outs were the Showtime Lakers and the Portland Tailblazers. I have also spent a fair amount of time in the parking lot scalping tickets with my dad, which wasn't so rad, but still a bonding moments none the less. Anyway, the place is ancient, and the lounge that I am sure was swanky as all get out, and still smells of cigarette smoke to this day, was sorta a trip. I am positive I have been in there before, as I have spent some time in bars in and around the 19th avenue drag thru downtown/central Phoenix as a small lad with my dad, but to go to that place as an adult and think of Al McCoy stopping in for a Manhattan or Kurt Rambis pounding some Budweiser's really got me hyped.

Now, all this basket ball talk, why? Well, the damn prizes for most all the fair games were Lakers jerseys. WHAT! Sacrilegious! Does RCS (the fair folk) now where they are! Lakers WTF! I wanted to play all these games then deep fry all the lakers jerseys in the place, as a sign of respect to Cotton Fitzsimmons. Jesus.

We did play a game though, we had $5 worth of tickets, which equals one game. So dumb, so we decided to buy a basket of of rings to throw over coke bottles, as it was the only thing we could both do together due to the lack of tickets flow we had. We knew we wouldn't win, and we didn't want to, as the prizes for this particular game we stuffed animals the size of full grown polar bears. We guess the eff what. We won. Son of a bitch!! What are we going to do with a massive stuffed animal! We live in a 1300 Sgft house, and we have too much crap as it is, and by too much we have barely anything. What are we going to do with a 6 foot long 3 feet tall stuffed alligator! I couldn't even carry the damn thing, and I am a very strong and handsome person who should be more then capable of carrying a stuffed animal. Well, Mexican family trying to leave the fair unscathed and with no garbage, guess what, you just got a massive stuffed animal. The little girl was stoked, the dad, all he said was GRANDE! and just starred at the dumb new addition to his house. Your welcome pal. I bet your thinking SB 1070 was a good idea now, as I am sure they don't produce retarded massive stuffed alligators in New Spain.

So we return to the car, to see that the parking lot had closed up for the night, we thought, what a waste, but no, it wasn't, the homeless dudes where still on the grounds watching our car, and digging thru the trash with the glow from the rave bracelet thing's they used to lure cars into the lot in the first place. That was awesome.

Keep it classy Internet.

Wielding A Red Sword

2010-10-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

The Rial Blog Rouge Catholic/Jehovah Witness/Zoroaster Hybrid Prayer Hut International Headquarters secretly located on the slopes of South Stony Mountain in the Village known as East Sunnyslope in the geopolitical basin known as Phoenix that is found in the Monroe Doctrine envisioned occupied territories called Arizona in the hyper sensitive and fake line on map region refereed to as the United States of America on the soon to sink land mass falsely named North America that is situated on the third rock from the sun entitled Terra, has been over run by mosquitoes.

These blood suckers are out for justice. The whole place is lousy with em'. And you know why? Its wi-fi. Transmitting the Internet thru the air was a bad idea, I told them this when I was advised in the Council of Trent. (look it up) I told them that air born animals will become self aware and will know our secrets. They will be caught up on our television shows, learn how schedules and habits and know our secrets. This is fact. We don't ger very many mosquitoes at the wicker hut very often, if ever, and now, completely over run. And you know why? Let em explain to you why.

For our loyal and long time readers, and believe me, there is no one new here, if there was I would be making more money selling all your IP address to google to base ads to your Internet searching tastes, but there isn't, but in case there is....we at the Rial Blog Fully Clothed Nude Catalog HATE vampires and all vampire related things worthy of hate. We have written volumes upon leather bound volumes of anti-vampire propaganda. And you know who shares a kindred solidarity with vampires?

Mosquitoes.

Sons of bitches are aiming for us because we speak the truth, we stand up and we say NO MORE DUMB, HOMO EROTIC (but not in a cool mustache kinda way),LAZY EYED, MOUTH BREATHING VAMPIRE TV SHOWS/MOVIES! And the mesquites heard, oh they heard loud and clear. Penelope's soft, baby like legs...completely covered inch by inch with the wounds of these flesh penetrating insects. What is to become of here 19 month baby shorts photo shoot? How is she to wear skirts and not feel self conscious. She works hard, climbing up and down the bed, to sculpt lean baby legs. Now, she looks as if her complexion is that of a a burn victim. Nothing against burn victims, but ask them and they will be the first to say they would prefer not having discoloring an painfully scars on there bodies, I guarantee that.

So be careful what you do, be care full what you say, it might be held against you in court one day, the court of vengeance.

True Colours

2010-10-19T08:12:00.000-07:00

So this dude at work, who is totally and utterly lame as all hell has ruined Phil Collins for me, not that I was on a high dose of Phil Collins to begin with, but his constant playing of Phils greatest hits, more importantly True Colors and In The Air Tonight is seriously becoming a Vietnamese/Chinese/al Queda/Quantanimo Bay type torture technique. Sucks. So this will be written to the sound of me grinding teeth and Mr. Collins sharing another day in paradise with some one, and that some one is a poor soul indeed.

So Penelope is cute. Strings words together that form very basic sentences. Much like the way I type, and most people talk.

"Dada's caaar" "Dada's hommmmmee" "Momma Sair" (calling sarah by her slave name)
Its cool, we can have conversations about stuff most dimwits discuss, much like me and Phil Collins fan at works conversations. Stoked on that.

So, on to the very pressing issue at hand: Tone Loc's 1989 hit single, Funky Cold Medina is kinda of an awkward song. At some point during his introduction to what I am assuming is some type of herbal drink additive, he gets his house run over by dogs, and brings a dude home and gets all the way to the point where they are naked together.

Lets address this dog issue. He first tests the drink on his dog, who immediately latches onto his leg and attempts to have sex with him. Now Tone's dog wasn't always a nice dog but the Medina has really changed the disposition of his dog, as shown here:

He used to scratch and bite me, before he was much much meaner
But now all the poodles run to my house for the Funky Cold Medina

Now, Tone is cool with this, but then

I got every dog in my neighborhood breakin down my door
I got Spuds McKenzie
Alex from Stroh's
They won't leave my dog alone with that Medina, pal

So Tone went from having a mean dog to running some sort of celebrity dog brothel. OK. Thats weird. Right? Why would he tell us this? I mean I know its to show how effective this aphrodisiac is, but really, I am not ever going to your house Mr. Loc, there are dogs EVERYWHERE. Sounds kinda like an anti get laid pad dude. But it gets better. Lets let Tone explain:

I went up to this girl, she said, Hi, my name is Sheena
I thought she'd be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina
She said, I'd like a drink, I said, Ehm - ok, I'll go get it
Then a couple sips she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it
So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man
So I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener
You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

You know, ain't no plans with a man
This is the 80's, and I'm down with the ladies
Ya know?

You where down with the ladies until you made out with a dude that one night, Tone, again, why are you telling us this? I am kinda awkward here pal. He goes on to explain going on some dating show and not wanting to get married, what ever, I am all ready convinced a date rape drug is the less of your worries here, I think your poor choices have lead up to this point of total desperation and more then a stiff drink is going to help you.

So every one, chew over this information presented here and learn from Tone Loc's mistakes.

I've been waitin' for this moment, all my life, oh Lord....

QUICK! RUN! ITS MONDAY!

2010-10-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

STOP IT!
People of the universe, stop being so bummed/fake bummed its Monday. Its not endearing, its not funny, its nothing new.

Really, you hate Mondays also? HELL YEAH! lets hang out, eventually start a romantic relationship, get married, buy a house, eventually flip that house for a condo in a high rise and a time share in Mexico, retire off some good investments on I HATE MONDAY paraphernalia and travel the world til our bodies fail us and we sleep with the fish.

There are 52 Mondays in the year 2010. That is more then a whole month you will spend this year hating that fact that it is Monday. Look people, we don't live on Friday Night thru Sunday alone. There are 5 days in between. Sure, Monday sucks because it starts the 40 hours plus that we have to do something we don't want to. But you know what also sucks? Not living everyday of our fleeting lives. That sucks. 52 Mondays in 2010. Lets say that is the average. And lets say you are 30. So you have only really been hating Mondays since you started hating school, lets say age 12. That is 936 days, roughly 2.5 years. Lets say your 40 that is 3.9 years. WHAT THE HELL!

The average human life span is 75 for men and 80 for women. Lets say you spend spend 53 years of that time working/going to school and hating Mondays. That is 8 years spent hating and pining for a day to be over. So drop that life expectancy down 8 years, because well, you didn't live for 8 of those years.

Now, all this math is really irrefutable, so don't try and do it in your head, you need an abacus and an ancient Mayan text written in Sheep's blood. And I KNOW all of you do not have access to that. So trust me on this. And LIVE!!! I miss my wife and kid, I hate working, but I also appreciate life and I appreciate high brow, un obvious conversation. I don't give a shit about what day of the week it is, I give a crap about bad drivers, because YOU MR./Mrs. bad driver complainer, are a bad driver, we all ARE! And I have no time to talk about the weather longer then 5 minutes ONCE a day. ONCE!!! So if you see me in public and a tornado didn't just touch down...guess what, I have already had my weather conversation, plus I already know its fucking hot. Its kinda obvious.

Any way, I was going to write about the McRib today, but you know, its Monday, so that piece will have to hang in there til Tuesday. So live life like you got a pair, everyday, no matter what day. and have a good day.

In 1492...

2010-10-11T05:43:00.000-07:00

Dutch Browski

2010-10-07T09:29:00.000-07:00

So I went to a coffee drive thru hut today because of poor driving decisions I ended up taking the road less traveled (by me) and ended up in a Dutch Bros drive thru. The following is a transcript of what happened:

(I pull up to the order window, Bachman Turner Overdrives "You Aint Scene Nothing Yet" is blarring at a way to loud volume for that song, even for 1974)

Coffe Dude (a tall, robust man in his late 20's with a orange red beard and spikes up faux hawk/spikes thingy and tons of tatoos, the ones I could make out where a panther, a horse show, flames, a can of motor oil)

any way--Coffee Dude - what up bro! what it be?

Me - can I get an iced coffee please?

Coffee Dude - you look like you really want a mocha (I did actually)

Me - ok, I will take a ....(he had walked away before I could state my size, and with the loud 70's rock, no way he was hearing me anyway at this point his counter part coffee girl walks up)

Coffee Chick - large iced mocha quad (at this point my order is totally out of my hands, what the hell is a quad? Coffee dude come back up)

Coffee dude - so how is your day? what are you up to?

Me - on my way to work (and I am cut off before anything else can be said)

Coffee Dude - Bro work is cool, got to do something to kill the day, I mean, I can't wait til night to start smoking, you know, the ganja!

Me - oh...ok.

Coffee Chick - ok your large mocha quad will be $4.00

Coffee Dude - BRO, you have a punch card?

Me - I am ok, I don't need one

Coffee Chick - fuck that, hook him up! (said to coffee dude)

Coffee Dude - oh shit, your right here you go dude I punched it 8 times!

Coffee Chick - yeah and here is a discount, its $2.75 now, and we added an extra shot! (so at this point I went from a small iced coffee to a 5 shot large mocha, for a nominal price, and while I am thankfull, this is not what I wanted, who drinks that many shots in a glorified chocolate milk, I wasn't planning on eating anything for breakfast, but half way thru this heart attack drink I am going to start shaking from lack of nutrients my body will start with drawing from, this is not what I had planned for my day, anyway, i pay and I think as I drive away they high fived. And restared the song. I am thinking they don't really work at this place, they are actually a band of traveling serial killers who broke into the Dutch Bros shack , killed the employee and snorted various powders thru there nose, and will burn that stand down on there way to Mexico or where ever the wind takes them. Actually, I think I know this as fact.)

Shut your mouths and get back in your seats til next time.
L8T3R

Get int he kitchen women!

2010-09-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

So Sarah has tireless slaved over the creation of a fake kitchen for Penelope to make fake food from out of a small lil record dresser thingy. The project is 90% complete, stay tuned.

]

All Right Fine.

2010-09-23T11:19:00.000-07:00

Will will update this dang thing. Why can't they just make a machine that takes our thoughts and turns them in to re-readable articles of brilliance? I mean, we have little viles of 5 hour energy, I think we are directing our intelligence in the wrong direction. Because you know what? A good diet and sleep and exercise and a relative substance free lifestyle = energy. And that stuff is free (except the food part) But we insist on making 34564332 types of drinks to keep us awake. Where are the mind reading article publishing machines? Where are the robotic vacuum cleaners, wait they have those...oh. Do they work right? Doesn't matter. I can't think lately and well, it sucks.

You know what also sucks? What we settle for. I settle alot, more then I like to and you know what, screw that! We should never ever settle, right? That is when the commies win, or who ever is our enemy. The Muslims? They aren't my enemy, and well I am an American, so I suppose they aren't our enemy, looking at you crazy old dudes in Gainesville FL. Any way, off topic. Settling: My key point here is the person that shows you there tattoo and says, "my friend Carlos did this (Carlos isn't real, its a rad name, not intending to make this about Mexicans, looking at you kooky white people in Arizona). Then the other person within your area goes, "oh, look at mine, Bertrand did mine." Then they both compare there skin art and then obviously price comes into play.

"Yeah Carlos is cool, plus he gives me a great price, I paid $45 for this fairy riding a snowflake on my shoulder"

"Oh, that is cool, Bertrand does his at his house and I just bought him a 12 pack of Newcastle for this goblin cradling a dagger"

Right? I have heard this exact same conversation 100 times. the most important part: these people settled for the cost effective method of permanently staining there skin. I am not saying Carlos and Bertrand are bad at there craft, but if Carlos and Bertrand where worth there weight in tattoo ink, they wouldn't be working for less then $50 or for beer. They would have face tattoos and a show on TLC. Why would you permanently have a drawing on your skin...FOREVER...for the price of a DVD player? Do not settle for that. YOU and I have to look at your tattoo for the length of your flesh being attached to your skin (I am predicting a HUGE comeback for leprosy) Get the best you can find and pay for that shit, make it amazing, deep rich colors, fine lines, the whole thing, its forever! I pay more for car washes then people do for tattoos some times, not right!

So, we got some stuff coming down the line, and maybe some more blogs also.

Don't settle.

Fur Real

2010-08-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

So, me, Corey, the voice of this literary journey thru crimes against grammer, has been refelcting latley on a specific band that has been incredibly important, in a wierd way, in the development of my disposition and lack/over compensating disregard for almost everything. I am sure the same for Sarah, the Chief Operating Officer of this venture capital group we call the Rials Blog (I haven't asked her, but I am certain she agrees, if I know her, which I do) Anyways, propagandhi, for those not in the know, are a band from canada (not that that matters) you play punk rock. They rule. And we shall now chronicle the importance of this band to us at the Rial Mail Order Roomate Distribution Center.

As a wide eyed and formative teenager, the album "How To Clean Everything" was the shining/guiding/middle finger responding compass rose to my voyage thru all things rad. As an angry teen (aren't we all) anti conformity and anti status qua (or I thought, mostly just anti my parents and anti the knuckleheads at school) appealed to me. Skateboarding, punk rock, hip hop, heavy metal, deviant art, you know, anti social yet social in the "elite" group kinda stuff. Anyways, there are the standards, the NoFX's, the Rancids, the fast yet safe punk bands. They were dangerous at first, but as time goes by and you dig deeper and navigate your way thru the annals of at the time "underground" culture, you find out they were kinda watered down.

Then along came "How To Clean Everything". I am not saying this was a ground breaking album and not that different from NofX's Punk In Drublic or Rancids Self Titled. It was fast, it was snotty, it was on par with its contemporaries. But there was something different. For one thing, this band had an underlying air of bitter, impassioned, and provoked dissent that the before mentioned bands had. They were really pissed, and it felt real. These songs taught me to funnel my anger, to stand apart from the crowd, even from the same crowd that I was standing apart with. It gave me a sense of a greater purpose, not sure why and not sure what that purpose was, but I felt motivated, I felt like everything else was childish. Songs about beer bongs and boobs, were dumb and a waste of my energy as a youth in revolt. I know its silly that a single record by a random band can do this, but it did, this shit really rang thru with me.

So fast forward a couple years, bands like fifteen and J-Church have replaced NoFX and Rancid, the musical pallet has become a lil more refined, relative to the genre. I was still angry and confused, just not as much as I was earlier, a lil direction had crept in, just a little. Here comes "Less Talk, More Rock" and holy crap. this album focused me. These were dudes who I thought were cool, they make music I like, so that means they probably like the same bands I like, they are angry, hey I am angry, they could probably hang out with me if they lived in my town. They are probably just like my friends. Know that sounds kinda creepy and stalker ish, but really, that is what makes something so endearing. i can't relate to Metallica and there millions, I can't really understand what it is like to be a young black man growing up in a poor neighborhood, but white dudes who are pissed and like fast music, shit that is my kinda crowd.

The anger from the first album was more refined, they had targets in the cross hairs. They had a message they wanted to shove down throats and it happened to be a message I agreed with. I had never much cared for meat, i have had one steak my whole life, turky cold cuts were about it for me, and the vegetarian ideas expressed in this album (coupled with a vegetarian girl I was either dating or had a crush on, I am not sure on the dates here) changed my diet. Changed my out look, changed my disposition, changed the damn world. My sexuality, it was confirmed that I was comfortable with it and there was nothing wrong with that and there was nothing wrong with people having different sexuality then me, it actually angered me that someone would be judged for having an attraction to a same sex person. Why is that important? Propagandhi agreed, they said fuck and flipped the script on the homophobes, took the fight to them, once again, world changed. Now I don't carry there word as gospel, but I can't think of any way to better describe my feelings on these subjects then this album. It reinforced that I can be angry, i can be dissent-ful, but still be compassionate, still be loving still be educated and still say screw the man. World Changed.

Fast Forward a couple more years. I am pretty much how I am today, dashing, handsome, incredibly strong, articulate, smart, and out comes "Todays Empires, Tomorrows Ashes" and holy goddamn crap! This album was a departure from the melodic albums of the past, and thank god! Enter a new bass player from the band I-Spy, who taught me its perfectly ok to scream your head off if you are impassioned about anything, and enter a more aggressive, angry and "smart" album. I now know its ok and encouraged to be heavy and fast while you age. No need to get pretty and nice (like the former bass players band, the Weakerthans, who I like, but not as much) Actual, now more then ever time to turn up and melt faces. A sonic kick to the nuts. I learned music can be semi complex yet still angry and punk, that is actually more punk then being shitty at your craft. World Changed.

As I progressed from a kid in Catholic school to a dude on a blog with gray hair, propagandhi has been by my side the whole time, reminding me, its ok, everything sucks, its how we take it back is all that matters (actual, I have never been reminded that, i am just running out of time and trying to write impact-full words, but instead mildly sappy dumb words.) Also, everything i wrote could also apply to FUGAZI and 15 (to a lesser extent)

Later doods

Things We Know to be True

2010-08-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

So first and foremost, Penelope should not be allowed around markers.

Second of all she is cute as all Hades and what ever greeks called heaven

Third of all she can now time travel.

Fourth of all she is a consummate host.

Fifth of all she doesn't much care for the beach

and sixth of all she will steal your purse

Hold on to that feelin'

2010-08-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

Take this blog and shove it

2010-07-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

Motivation has run exceptionally dry around the barren and frozen tundra that is the Rial Blog Make Shift Hot Air Baloon Greeting Card Assembly plant. I mean, stuff has been happening, but in the grand scheme of things, one person can only take so much gripping about co-workers and vampires. Or can they? What is the thresh hold for tolerance of incredible mundane and at best passable topics forced down your eye sockets from a white computer screen? I know I read/watch some pretty bad things. Its like I have a quota of less then par entertainment I have to meet. Does the ramblings and run on sentences of this blog fall in that category? I had a feeling it did, but you never know, this could be some ones Burn Notice (crummy show on USA network that I watch for no reason at all, because it is really really bad)

Well, we have decided to force ourselves to be on top of this, this snap shot of our high fashion and top shelve boozed filled lives. Perhaps open the window further? Naw, close it more, but make sure what comes out is worth releases much like the Kraken in the Clash of The Titans. Because, you know, they just don't release the Kraken any old day, it saved for special occasions like Yom Kip pour and Flag Day.

So while we lie constantly about what we are going to be doing in the future, take note that we will continue this practice, its working out very well for us, but we will be more active, hell maybe we will even talk about vampires and share pictures again...

So til the cup over flow-ith, we shall dine again.

What did you do this weekend?

2010-07-04T23:45:00.000-07:00

The Rial Blog Aerobic and Proof Reading bureau decided that a recently bought $20 dresser need about $30 worth of touch up to make it look aesthetically pleasing, these are the results. (Sarah did all of this...sanding, priming, painting, back flipping, sun dried tomato-ing)

John Hancock This

2010-07-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

In the true spirit of our founding fathers, us at the Rial Blog Sports Advocacy and Hygiene Advancement Academy built some shade ffor our plants using what we had available...indigenous peoples labor and burlap sacks. The frame for the larger shade is made out of dried sunflower stalks. Pretty DIY if your into that kinda stuff.

Setting fire to old growth

2010-06-20T19:42:00.001-07:00

road warrior-ing

right before she slit the throat of a moose on the other side of that tree

that isn't dirt its a black eye

Foraging for veggies.

It was an exceptional dull colored day except blue...odd.

We took the long way to the campsite

Us leaving my sisters work in Flagstaff...oops

Us looking back at our camp site...oops.

BLOG BLOG BLOG

2010-06-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

So...I am hearing rumors of certain people living int he state of Colorado who recently had a kid (which I will see in person eventually, maybe early fall?) thinking about starting a blog. Well, let me push you over the edge on why you should.

1. Well..what would I write about?
---What not to write about, look, us here at the Rial Clown Make Up and Water Squirting Flower Lapel Pin Testing Facility write about some of the most hard hitting, mind blowing, fever inducing, chain breaking, high fiving, adjective using pieces of horrible grammar and run on sentences ever known to man. And guess what...its all train of thought.

Wait wait wait...that is right, absolutely non of this is premeditated. Hard to swallow I know, but we make this up as we go. We just sit (stand) down in front of our Mac (HP Compaq) and let the energy transfer from out fingers onto the paper (screen) *Full disclosure, 98% of the time this is written in between lifting heavy boxes in the middle of a eastern euro sausage smelling warehouse.

2. Who will read it or care?
--Who won't read it and care, look, people that work in offices will read anything, I ran a recent study and by ran I mean I just made this up, but 3400% of office time is spent reading blogs. Throw your hat in the ring.

3. I don't think I will be able to post very regularly, and have enough o say that will interest people?
--post pictures. Or post videos of cats.

4. Well, if I do this, will I be exposing myself to the Internet world?
--No, everything we say on here is a lie. Even that.

So, hopefully that helps you decide.

Now. Oil spills. That stuff SUCKS. Enough said. Well maybe we can say more. Don't buy ARCO, its BP, BP sucks. I don't care if they are spending billions to help birds, they are a crummy company that can't cap a well. I also don't care what Sarah Palin says. The only person to blame is the mother effers who can't stop oil from destroying our oceans and beaches, which is why we push them farther and farther away, if this was closer to the shore, well, then it would just get on shore quicker. look, oil is totally last year, lets move on.

Soccer. Don't like watching it, its kinda boring. We respect the athleticism, and the competition, and are fully behind country vs country sportsmanship...and gambling. Go GHANA!

So we started the month out strong, sorta blew our load, this post is less then par, but get ready...we are brain storming ways to make this even more pointless and random.

Vaya con dios

Walk a couple feet in my shoes

2010-06-09T22:38:00.000-07:00

Scream for me Phoenix

2010-06-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

We rarly discuss the recreation activity's the Rial Blog Corporate Retreat Team Leaders partake in, you know, Sarahs cakes, Coreys manifestos, Sarahs collection of Asian stereotype jokes, Coreys bands. So lets rap about the bands. Last night was a record release for a compilation not one but two of my excellent/yet not for everyone rock bands is on. Both bands played, back to back, and holy hell...I am spent.

One thing about going to a rock concert, you are there to be entertained, your there to relax and enjoy music/drinks/pool/the company of other people that go to small bars on Tuesdays. It is a little different when you are the entertainment. And in the style of music I play, I am really only "entertaining" for 25 minutes tops. Last night it was like 45 minutes, but yeah, its odd. Playing two sets back to back under the bright lights in a warm Arizona summer sucks. I am covered in set, tired, salt in my eyes, voice blown out, small cuts all over my hand, plus I have to help load heavy gear into a car not designed to carry that stuff. Now look, I am not complaining, i am just explaining how, really, sans the 25 minutes I am on stage, i am there to do the same thing as everyone else there is to do, only with a completely sweat soaked shirt and a sore body. Its weird.

So any way, if your into the antiquated form of musical delivery called vinyl and want to buy a really cool record featuring two Corey bands and 11 other not Corey bands, check out http://www.mcdrecords.bigcartel.com/product/personality-disorder-v-a-a-collection-of-arizona-punk-rock and tell em big baby sent ya.

Not getting my desired point across and sounding like a pretentious prick blog...OUT!

The Remains of the Day

2010-06-08T18:11:00.001-07:00

Lets get socialized

2010-06-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

Man, had to change the starter on this blog, thought it was the battery, but the damn thing just wouldn't turn, I thought it was under warranty...but apparently those don't really cover anything, who would have thought, the person that sold it to me over the phone really talked it up like it was the best thing that was ever offered over the phone. But it is all up and running now, idles a lil hard, but a good point A to point B.

So, there are, at current count, over one billion unique species of social media websites. And I expect this to grow until we start destroying there natural environments to make way for strip farming for McDonalds. I think this blog counts as one, and if it doesn't, it may be more of a hybrid, ala a mule, like a myspace breed with a opinion column of a celebrity gossip site, the result is a sterile, workable, pack mule of a website. Lets see....we at the Rial Blog Two Girls One Guy Hair Salon are on blogger, myspace, facebook, twitter, bandcamp, and various message boards. (most of which are linked at the bottom, in case you never made it all the way thru one of these epic poems of solitude and depression we call "posts".) That is five times the opportunity to interact via icons and uploaded photos and short, poorly constructed sentences (this utility is the main culprit) That is alot of access. If you wee to meet me in real life, you would never ever get that many chances to talk/share photos/show funny youtube videos. Its kinda cool and kinda fake. But I don't want to get into why and why nots and all that.

I really want to talk about a co-worker. He says Facebook is for little kids. He is right, but so are Popsicles and Velcro, two things I am pretty hyped on. He also listens to country music, is homophobic yet loves Elton John, and defends it by saying its good American rock and roll (its not, its good ENGLISH rock and roll) and generally is wrong about everything. Now I may be on facebook alot, but I have downtime at work and get caught up in a lot of pointless info about peoples lives. I also get to see photos I will never see of my friends kids (like these totally badass ones of Loren and his kid on what looked like the most badass camping trip ever. Fuck the desert.) Country music listening co-worker just doesn't have many friends, so he justifies it as little kid. His perception, thats cool. But he is wrong (and he is right)

So any way, people young and old are on these sites and some people let it all hang out. And some live in fear of there parents disapproving (or family member sor whatever). look, your putting your wangs out on the line by sharing your life with the world, let your family know you smoke, are liberal/conservative, gay/ghey/ghay, like sports, etc. Because really, we are all going to die a horrible death that consists of angels and seals and trumpets and anti-somethings and its going to suck, so start living, on line and off.

Welcome back....again

BORING BOUT OF BUMMED

2010-05-20T10:44:00.000-07:00

It has been a while (rial) and really because i don't know what to talk about. Maybe an expose on Penelope...yeah, that sounds like a good idea. But today, no luck on that. Lets talk about other things like...my schedule..that sounds fun right. Well my music interests and musical homies have some shows coming up that maybe some of you would like to attend.

May 24th - The Trunkspace (15ave and grand and Roosevelt) Dead River Review (Ben and Joey)
May 25th - Some Warehouse CAGEMATCH (corey rial esquire)
May 30th - The Rouge (Scottsdale and Roosevelt-ish) Said Gun (Corey P. Rial the 5th, Ben, Joey, Rynn)
June 8th - The Rouge (Scottsdale and Roosevelt-ish) Said gun & CAGEMATCH (a celebration of all things Corey)

And May 27th is the anniversary of the Corey and Sarah Rials of Phoenix Arizona, so that is going to be cool, you cannot attend this event, it is invite only and we only sent out to invites and got one response ( Corey was checking his calendar to see if he was free)

What else...Bobby Big Guns Easy Mac Ill BLZ Green may be returning from Chicago tomorrow from what was billed as a quest to find the Lost Dutchman's Mine (I think he failed) and he may or may not meet up with some members of this dynamic writing team known as the Rial Blog Gun Club at a separate but equal birthday party in the town previously known as Hayden's Ferry. So again, there's that.

And while we are at it, how about a docket for up coming blog posts just so we have goals we can not meet:
Expose on the Rise and Fall of Penelope Amelia Francis Rial
Pictures of the raddest sunflowers ever to grow in a 3 feet by 1.5 feet planter section
a piece about stuff i hate at work, specifically Arabic women and stereotypes (sounds Fun huh!)
Some free flowing rants about Arizona politics that skirt the issue but do reference nudity

Well, that is it, get ready, and by ready I mean get ready to get bummed. Sorry for the weak post, but really, feel sorry that you read this, that is not my fault, it is yours.

--til the sunsets

Half Shark Alligator Half Man

2010-05-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

All eyes have been on this fine and glorious state of Arizona ever since some important new bill was passed. I know the pundits have been making fun of us, calling us names, pointing out the flaws and and the extreme measures our state legislature and Governor have signed off on. Hell even boycotts have been thrown about, and man, it makes for some good reading/tv watching, let me tell you. But brothers and sisters, cats and dogs, everyone has an opinion on this, it is polarizing, it turns foes into friends and loved ones into enemies, its really a divide and shift and is creating a politically charged environment.

The brain trust at the Rial Blog Big and Tall Shorts and Beach Wear Franchise have mixed emotions about this bill, and we shall explain. So strap your self in (on) and get ready for some hard hitting political real talk.

The Arizona state Senate on Thursday passed a bill making it illegal for a person to “intentionally or knowingly creating a human-animal hybrid.”

Two quick points pro and con:

Pro: FINALLY!
Con: WTF?

Let me expand:

PRO
We all know the elected officials in Arizona are of the up most breeding and education, I mean, look at Russel Pearce, a State Legislature representing Legislative District 18 (which covers most of western and central Mesa and small portions of the Salt River Pima-Maricopa Indian Community) and his resume: the National Guard during the Vietnam War AND he rose to the position of Deputy Sheriff in Maricopa County. So some one who has reached the highest echelons of military and law enforcement really has a finger on the pulse of mythical creatures. He knows the effects human animal hybrids will have on our work force.

Hear me out, lets look at Minotaurs, creatures with the body of a man and the head of a bull. If the day labor work force were to suddenly be flooded with these abominations, imagine the effect. How could illegal aliens and poor white trash compete with a being with the dexterity and strength of a bull and the mind of a man. We do not need this, we need Home Depot parking lots not full of half man half bulls, but illegals so we know when to round them up every time the ratings of The Police Women of Maricopa County dip a little.

And what about centaurs? Can you imagine what effect the health care system would have if we had to start covering these horse in the rear and man in the front monsters? Hoof and Mouth disease rampid, and to not be crass, think abut the porn industry. Look, I don't think I need to get into the effects of harpies, mermen/maids, Satyrs, Anemoi, Sphinx, gigantes, nymphs, saggatarious, Shedu, Amunet or Chayots, because well, I am fairly certain the Govoner of Arizona Jan Brewer probally took a mythical creature class as part of the two year humanities program she didn't finish at Glendale Community College, so she has saved us the hard work and saved us from having to walk amongst animal human hybrids.

CON
Are we to start profiling people in this witch hunt for animal human hybrids? What about the people who have giant labyrinth's in there yards, is it to be assumed they are harboring a Minotaur? What is too much? How about feed shops? Are they to report there sell of hay? Is this NAZI Germany? Is this some kind o veiled search to find Mexican animal hybrids? What about aliens, what do they have to do with anything?

Forgot about the potential police state this bill will put us in, what about the hybrids? Mermaids sold on the black market into prostitution because there creator was scarred of getting caught! What if GOD creates a human animal hybrid; and really isn't everything done on earth done by him only thru a proxy? Are we to build a latter to the heavens to trial GOD for his crimes against Arizona? What about pillars of salt, how are they going to be factored into the equation, and why stop at human animal hybrids? What about spider-man, he is out there, should he be excluded because he is half man half arachnid? Where does this stop? What about animal animal hybrids? Unicorns, are they to be butchered and sold as dog food? Has anyone considered the chupacabras take on all this? What if he increases his goat murdering 10 fold in solidarity with nymphs! This is a slippery slope we tread, one that may end up in thieves guilds AND schools of magic teaming up and boycotting our state. Imagine an Arizona with out SWORD and Sorcery, PEOPLE! how do you think the sunsets? That shit doesn't just happen, its the work of Pegasus, a harem of witches and a fleet of angels....which are also human animal hybrids, think about the effect this will have on the guardian angel business....right!

So...folks...chew this over...let it sink in....and draw your line in the sand.

Atomic Garden

2010-04-30T19:01:00.001-07:00

From our upcoming program on baby depressionLooks Like The Sun is Rising ...HUH!

Extreme closeup of a cactus

6 and a half feet tall sunflowers...and still growing

The West garden: Corn, Squash, Tomatoes, Lettuce, Jalapeno, Misc.

A murder scene

penelope leaving her bed room

Like a Moth to a Flame

2010-04-26T08:47:00.000-07:00

WEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL......

Guess what!

We gonna talk about vampires.

Yeah, I know, we at the Rial Blog Spam Mail/Greeting Card Generation Facility don't like vampires, bla bla bla, you have heard it all before. But you know what? They are still very very gay. But you now what is also gay (as in homoerotic)? Gladiators. And gladiators trump vampires. Now what makes this new trend of undead blood drinking annoy me so much, is that A) vampires now have day jobs at bars and grills and B) they are totally effeminate and pussy. Now on the flip side, gladiators are so manly, so ripped, so naked, that they are on the opposite side of the spectrum of gay. And that is the kinda guilty tv/movie pleasure I can get behind. over the top, muscle bound greased up dudes pretending to want to bang chicks but really if push came to shove, they would choose the companionship of there close brothers in arms (and equally muscled out greased up dude)

What sparks this gladiator interest you ask, kinda random? Nope. Spartacus: Blood and Sand on Netflix StarzPlay. The full season is up and oh boy is it great. Its like the movie 300 only with worse actors and special effects that aren't quit as good. Oh and alot of nudity, male and female. Now nudity really isn't nudity until a wang shows up, then you know your watching some Grade A programing. There is a scale i judge nudity on and with out getting too specific, full frontal male = hilarious, totally appropriate/inappropriate, equal exploitation of man and women, letting it all hang out. Any way, back to Spartucus: Blood and Sand, from here on out referred to as S:BS. This show is so over the top, like slow motion simulated sex scenes following 5 mintues of slow motion simulated fight scenes with CG blood flying every where followed by long shots of muscle bound dudes and a topless Lucy Lawless followed by more slow motion simulated sex scenes and immediately coupled with slow motion simulated fight scenes. SOUNDS BADASS RIGHT!

The producers of this show really tapped in to what we all sit thru boring movies (well boring now that the bar has been raised by S:BS) movies such as Gladiator, Terminator 3, Maid In Manhattan. The gore, sex and violence and nudity, both male and female. Forget plot line or having to think about historical ramifications or even think about why half the gladiators have crew cuts and the women have groomed body hair, just instantly gratify our sense with over the top and slow motion violence/sex. On a side note, if ancient Rome was really a constant orgy, how did anything get done, I mean they made love AND war, I always thought you had to choose between one or the other. guess that is why they were a empire for like 4 billion years (right?)

Any way, I recommend this show for its unintentional comedy, baddass fight scenes, numbing nudity. You now, when the first boob shows up your looking around like your parents are going to yell at you, then after a half hour of there always being a boob your totally numb to the fact that there is a boob and you half expect the grocery store and other places to be like that, yeah this is one of those shows.

I would talk about Penelope's cute things she does, but I have mentioned the word boob twice, so that negates any talk of my child in this post, I have already said too much as it is.

TONIGHT...WE...DINE...AT...APPLEBEES!

Extreme Closeup of Plants

2010-04-11T20:37:00.001-07:00

Scavangers of Darkness

2010-04-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

Thru the wind

2010-04-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

I believe that the disdain the Rial Blog Bolly-wood dance team has for vampires has been greatly expressed over the tomes of Internet word processing, but let me reiterate. Vampires are sooo gay. They are like Gothic music and eyeliner on dudes. Totally femme and not scary. Nothing against femme or goths or whatever, but when it comes to evil and scary, vampires are totally blowing it. I mean shit. Count Orlack, the zombie vampire from Nosferatu, that dude brought disease and pestilence AND sucked blood and killed shit, he didn't fall in love, he destroyed, as an evil undead blood thirsty monster should. White trash dudes who talk at me about true Blood really need to check it at the door. I don't care, I don't want to know about Anna PAQWEEN or however that is spelt, I don't give a shit about convoluted plot lines stolen from the Highlander series. Just knock it off, what ever happened to dudes talking about female anatomy and prize fighting? Not soap operas with vampires. Shit!

So Penelope. She is on the verge on making sense, she has like 6 new words and even trys to string them into sentences, plus she is vocal about what she thinks is hot and what she thinks is not. For the record vagazzaling - not hot. Sleeveless shirts and yard work - hot.
She also has the teeth placement of sloth from the movie Goonies, which is funny.

We got a new camera, Canon replaced our very stolen and used g9 with a very nice refurbished g10, so get ready for some shots of the garden coming up, because I know you are all dying to look at plants. Right, i know I am, actually if you break down my day -20%looking for my shoes/wallet 10% eating/coffee 10%driving 5% sleeping 55% looking at pictures of plants on the Internet. So take that and run with it.

--Happy trails

Left and Leaving

2010-04-04T09:24:00.001-07:00

So the Rial Blog Corporate Retreat/Journey to the center of the earth came and went. So-cal, SOCAL, Left Coast, etc, all weak, call it what it is.

Blue Blood Bleeds Red

2010-03-30T22:46:00.001-07:00

First and foremost, non of this would have been possible with out the camera assist from Stevie. This one is for you. Second and secondmost, the following events occur in real time.

The start of a horror film, peep the product placement

Four teeth:check. Understanding what no mean: work it progress

Flying bears watch over Penelope, take that bible.

"Get off my lawn"

Babys gone wild

Some people say that depression feels like a black curtain of despair coming down over their lives. Many people feel like they have no energy and can't concentrate. Others feel irritable all the time for no apparent reason. Depression just doesn't you, it effects us all.

The beast emerges from its den...wait no that is a baby in a toybox, wrap up, we are leaving....

We only drove like this for 35 miles

What are you doing on my turf punk?

Crushed butterfly or running three card montis at the corner with the wild flowers?

First birthday

Great Success

Yea, that is my name on my hat, is that a double chin or is your face melting?

Whatcha' Know 'bout that

I am afraid I am going to have to run for my life one of these days, one of these days

2010-03-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

In the break room of my high end fashion related house of wares is a plethora of magazines for us, the lucky few who get to break from our work day in there. Its the standard fair: Gossip Rags, Glamor, GQ, Retail Eyeglasses Quarterly. But sometimes there is a random wild card magazine. Today it was "Hello:Canada". And I thumbed thru this magazine and it was just a bunch of pics of hockey players and profiles of Olympic Gold Medalists. I wonder if there are other issues of "hello:Canada" out there and what the hell are they about. Let me look.

Well...there is a Hello Magazine that profiles celebrity's for gossip purposes and there is a Hellocanda.net that is an archived web cast show about contemporary issues in Canadian Provinces. So I am assuming that this magazine is a special print addition to this website. Huh.

Any way, we are pretty bored/average/malcontent here at the Rial Blog former tap dance instructors facing ethics lawsuits social club. I mean, we are writing about random magazines in our work place break rooms, and not even finishing the thought, just kinda throwing it out there. I would like to blame the Ides of March. I will also like to not expand on that idea as well.

i swear to god/God/gawd/over spirit/allah/Ares/Baal/chemosh/lemmy/Fenrir/Horus/Isis/Osiris/Jupiter/Krisna/jesus/Loki/Minerva/Odin/posiden/Quetzalcoatl/Shiva/Vishnu/Zeus that some time this week, we will bombast you with soooooooo many pictures your eyes will bleed and you will have to go get lasic eye surgery just to finish viewing the amount of pictures we will unleash.

Things of note:
People that like to party with tea are pissed
Clash of Titans looks like a rad movie, even though the first was rad in different ways.

Au revoir mes amis morts

The Cleansing Waters of Lake Stony Mountain

2010-03-08T07:36:00.001-08:00

So the red plastic cubs have been picked up, lamp shades returned to atop lamps, curtains re-hung and the vomit and poop properly cleansed, and thus ends the week of birthdays us at the Rial Blog United Futball Club have come to know affectionately as:clean/make mess/clean/make mess/clean.
Our corporate head quarters/sweat lodge/illegal scorpion drop house has see some traffic these first days of March ( and end of February). By and quick and completely inaccurate head count I am going to say 48 people. That is alot of ginger ale Kool-Aid punch, plates of cheese and crackers, and conversations about desert adapted drought tolerant trees.

So, we the members of this particular Rial Splinter Cell have all grown one year older, and not too much wiser. Sarah has up-ted the anti on how good a chocolate peanut butter cheesecake can taste, and this is a bad thing, and Penelope as accrued more annoying sound making devices. Overall great success.

And how about this rain huh? I have soooo many weeds on the plantation grounds its mind numbing. The crops we grow to feed the resistance are loving this though, soon, like say April, we will have a harvest that includes and is not limited to: amber ale, lettuce, Jalapeno, Eggplant, Corn, Snow Peas, and thru the Stony Mountain Fortress Community Supported Farm plan that Ben and Joe and my sister have bought into with us, some wine, irish ale, pale ale and hefe-weizen, Tomatoes, watermelon. So be prepared to be underwhelmed at how not good we are in producing our own food/liquor.

And that is it for now, still waiting on the camera and people to email us photos from theirs. Soon my friends, soon we will reap the rewards of looking at photos.

this ain't Portland, its Phoenix.

Swastikas and Clan Robes

2010-03-02T12:51:00.001-08:00

I hate when there is no love, and that makes even less love and then I start hating more and goddamn it!
So, and this is a tired and spent discussion, but why do people HATE gay and lesbian oriented peoples? Really, no reason, we all have to pay taxes, we all have digestive problems, we are all humans and really, no big deal where you stick your privates or what gets stuck in your privates. Key word there is PRIVATE. Shouldn't really affect the way, lets say for example, a guy performs his duties at a warehouse. And when people prefix, "I don't really care what they do" before any sentence, it is often filled with hate, bigotry, half truths, ignorance, hate, bile, cliches, hate, and...well hate, that it makes me want to light them on fire and smoke a cigar and maniacally laugh as they run around ala chicken with head cut off. i hate feeling like that.

I don't act on my homicidal thoughts, and really, since this is sorta a free flowing look into the mind of Rial Blog Oil and Lube Tech number 34, i don't really talk about it. So I am assuming the rest of the world are decent and likable people, so it must be some extreme effing hatred to openly talk about seriously disliking someones sexual choices. Right? no? Whatev'

Lets go with a work example, a women works up in some dept and is a lesbian. She is nice, she works hard, she blah blah blah, doesn't really matter right, she is first and foremost a human being. Well she brought her girlfriend into work and the uproar from some of my co-workers. "Look at that bull dyke, so gross" was one of the nicer comments I heard.

WTF! Really, isn't bull dike suppose to be reserved for a burly women? Both these girls where petite and cute, I was expecting to hear what would be done to these girls if given the chance to mate with them as opposed to unadulterated hate and mean spirited ness.

I seriously bums me out, I do not want my daughter judged by something as stupid as this, I don't want any ones daughter, i just want love. So start loving people...people and stop caring about sex. Its natural, anyway you put it. Or where you put it. It is also no ones business. What f we started judging people by the way we pooped, oh, he looks at it and smells it after he goes #2, oooh she wipes up instead of down....see, that is none of our business and doesn't really matter.

Birthday pics soon, I promise...maybe

bye.

Tight pants at the source awards

2010-03-01T10:47:00.000-08:00

So we are genital deep into birthday week...not really, it is starting today, but how to you irreverently say we are starting something?...We just kicked the tires on this repo tow Truck we call Birthday Week....We circumcised the mule and are heading down the canyon of birthday week? Hmmm....

Well anyway, much like March Madness in relation to NCAA basketball, we have our brackets filled out and coolers of light beer waiting for consumption. Penelope had a birthday party Saturday and we are still finagling with the paparazzi about the price of the photos taken, so when they are available, we will share with you. The party was rad, the food was good, and the cakes off the hook, but again, stay tuned (unless i forget to write about all that, which happens alot)

Hopefully the Rial Blog Man Made Lake Scuba/Recovery Team will have a new camera this week, so we can take photos of other peoples kids and pass them of as ours, much like we have been doing for 11 months now...and...update ....over?

...Nah, real quick, it got cloudy at my place of work, spooky cloudy, and this dude, totally normal dude, got kinda weird, I asked if everything was ok, he said, in a look or almost horror, "the evil comes" and kinda retreated into his shell. Weird right?

So until the darkness takes you....

Baby, I am anarchist

2010-02-28T20:04:00.000-08:00

Get out of my dreams...and into the kitchen and make some food

2010-02-24T08:54:00.000-08:00

Well not having a working camera is really harshing the mellow of the Hot Chicks of Russian Curling Calender Photo Shoot rejects known as the Rial Blog, so we haven't really been up keeping this chronicle of our exciting and drug fueled lives. Sure, we can come on here and ramble about how our neighborhood gentrification is derailing and we are probably stuck in the ghetto that we thought was moving up in the socio-economic ladder or give a play by play analysis of the Rockey movies entry we wrote about the Rockey Movies, but that really all seems boring to write, and even more boring to read. (I know, this blog has some of the most side splitting, cunning, almost transcendentalist like literature available on the Internet, so I agree, we shouldn't sully this reputation with a post that actually has a theme and topic.)

So, what is up with us as of late? Well, we left you with the tale of how Corey gained the hunger for human flesh and every full moon he would morph into a carnivorous wolf and terrorize the streets...well he took some medicine, apparently it was just syphilis, so that is better. Penelope came down with some serious case of...I don't, but she need cotton candy flavored penicillin, and that was fun. It really was fun, not in the sarcastic, "I had my leg amputated and now I have to run a marathon to save my family's fisheries in the Bay of Bengal or all is lost, so that is fun" kinda way, it was actually fun giving her the candy medicine. She loved, not at first, but she grew to become dependent on it and we had to ween her off it with Cabbage flavored methadone, so she is doing good now.

Penelope has also sprouted another tooth, making the total count 3. Same as hobos and Circle K late shift employees. So she has that going for her. She will also be turning 1 come March 4, we are having immediate family over, which means a head count of around that of small herds of cattle, so we have been battling the weather to try and clean up the weeds and random stuff that have become staples in our yard. Oh, we also removed a massive tree, because well, we hate shade, and planted two lysoloma, a drought tolerant fast growing desert tree. This wasn't fun.

So, catch you l8ter.

From a dark throne perched

2010-02-07T16:58:00.001-08:00

Penelope experienced snow for the very first time this weekend, this pictures are not from that time.

The flames of one thousand fires

2010-02-03T09:24:00.001-08:00

So the Rial Blog Organic Fecal Factory has been bumming hard on the lack of a winter experienced in the Valley (actually a basin) of the sun. Its not that alot of true and honest winters occur here (this is what I am told by people that like to talk about places that they aren't currently living in) but shit man...I don't think I saw my breathe once, was never like "purr, its cold, perhaps a light coat or a hooded sweatshirt isn't enough for this, the gods must hate us" it was a very mild winter. But...the last two winters or so, The Rial Blog Steak Knife Sharpening Tandem had spent at least two or so weekends of the winter season in the frozen high desert that is named Flagstaff...so maybe that created the illusion of cold. Who knows...but we are not hyped on the impending endless heat.

Quick side note, I personally love the heat, but I love the heat in a 5-7 month way, not a 6-9 month kinda way, if your following me.

Buuut...speaking of heading north, we will be bringing the kid up to flagstaff for some aunt/gma birthday action on Saturday, so maybe we will send the cold out with a bang, and by bang we mean venereal disease.

Well...the camera is still broke and we are borrowing one that we do not know how to upload, so one of these days we will have 360871288634 pics to share with you, our huddle masses. Hmmm....yeah...that is all....

Shitty Post...Out!

Now for something negitive

2010-01-15T08:20:00.000-08:00

So I watched this documentary called "The Cove" about this liquid killing field in Japan where they just brutally murder Dolphins for, and in this order of importance, fun and food. it was pretty gruesome and a really good doc, it had some serious suspense scenes were they go covert and secretly spy on this dolphin genocide. It has the Rial Blog Quarterly Documentary Watching Society's highest stamp of approval. Which means alot, because one of the founding members of this clan destine group, lets call him Corey, is one of the most painfully critical of everything that has ever existed persons in the history of the Universe.

Any ways, eff capturing Dolphins for entertainment, eff Japan and there whaling practices, eff eating large fish, shit is full of mercury, eff eating animals in general, in this day and age that shit is like a ticking time bomb ready to explode your innards (this marks the first time I have been preachy, in public, about my diet. So there, Dolphin meat is murder, meat is murder...wow, that was relieving and embarrassing, moving on)

Pat Roberts. Now don't get me confused with some type of hippy tree hugging ass, I don't think humans and animals are equal, and I don't think humans should die over animals, I just think death should really just be a natural thing, kinda like how god killed all those people who made a pact with the devil in Haiti. Now we know several things as fact, 9/11 happened because of the rampant gay and lesbian epidemic we have in the USA and the capital of the 2nd oldest nation n the Americas was practically wiped off the map because of some covent that those heretics made with the devil...wait...we...don't...believe...that...to....be...true?

A couple quick facts about Haiti:
-They were a French Sugar plantation
-One of the most brutal places for slaves to live, I think the turn over rate was pretty high.
-After the USA, was the 2nd democratically elected government in the Americas
-Because of the ass wooping they gave the mighty Neapolitan when he tried to bring a little "order" to the place, the French moved out of the America campagin and sold us all of the central US via the Lusianna purchase
- they are 80% christian nation, and Bishops hold more sway over politicians
-the island of Tortuga, famously shown in the Disney picture "Pirates of the Caribbean" and a famous pirate hide out, was sunk in an earthquake in the 1700's
-the poorest country in the WESTERN HEMISPHERE becuase of a cocktail of hegemony, US politics, French politics, corporate interest, drugs, out dated technology and no infustructure to improve, and racism (Thomas Jefferson feared Hait becoming a country because he didn't want a "black" republic and set forth a series of policys that created Hait: the wests biggest shit hole..

just putting that out there.

Well, the many (i didn't want to research this) followers of the 700 club television show believe the nonsense of Pat Roberts, or at least support some one who does believe this. Yeah, our neighbors, loved ones, mothers, step aunts, radio show hosts, some of these people are down with this train of thought, your not safe anymore, that gun may not be used on the intruder who you thought was going to be either a Mexican or a black guy, it may be used to fight off crazy religious zealots that don't want 71 virgins, they just want to go to heaven and drive chariots around clouds. Add the population of Japan that wants to exterminate whales and dolphins and Jesus Christ...where is the love and compassion. Death, hate, death, hate, death, hate, gay affairs made in secret, hate, death. Get me out of here, when is the next comet coming by so I can hitch a ride.

....these are the days of our lives.

From The Ashes Rise

2010-01-13T08:45:00.000-08:00

So welcome to 2010, we can now start saying 20-10 instead of the mouth full two thousand and something, which by the way we in our lives can never say again, it will always and forever be 20-something. So get used to that. BUUUT really, what is the changing of the year, its some bench mark date that everyone breathes a sigh of relief..."thank god that year is over" (god has nothing to do with it, if he had his way we would all be drown at the bottom of the sea, its in his Autobiography, check it out) but really, when the calender flips does all the shitty or great or cool or awesome or bogus or depraved or gentle things from the previous year just disappear, hell no. But I guess it is sorta like nutra-sweet and Jesus, it gives people a sense of progress and a clean slate, something to look forward to and believe in even though it is not real or important.

What is up with the Rial Blog Corporate folly's improve team? Well, we don't have a camera that works, so expect more texts!!! (I know there was a fist pump and a hissed "yesss!" I know.) and we are going to change the look here. Maybe fix the dumb logo thing up top so it doesn't say Rial twice, and loose that font, maybe add some color, I was thinking a glass tile mosaic? too much, how about a pastel blue?....we will work it out, any way, we are back, we had a great time in Uzbekistan shaving alpaca's and smoking opium (neither are from Uzbekistan, buy an almanac) and now we are ready to regale you with tails of fun in the sun and...uhhh other stuff.

Like sands in the hour glass....

They Found it!

2009-12-21T13:28:00.001-08:00

So...did you hear in the paper or whatever form of celebrity death driven breaking news that they found a hut that dates back to about 2010 years ago in Nazareth...they also found a box with some poetry with some of the titles being: Who is my real dad? Your not my real dad, Joseph better clean up his own damn mess or I am going to get some lighting shot at that jerk, why does everything I touch turn to flowers? Pretty odd...but anyway, LONG weekend, and plenty of stuff to write about and pictures and smiles, and candy canes and yeah, but not today, tomorrow, I just wrote this to make this the most productive blogging month The Rial's Blog Street Pharmacy has ever had (except fort March, but we are coming for you, you Pisces/Aries infested lunar cycle, you)

Real Quick, a list of "guys"

The Abbreviate Guy.
This lazy sack of crap has either never learned what the true root word is or just thinks its cool, which it isn't, to abbreviate things. these dudes are usually long winded so I don't think it is to save energy time.
Examples:
San Fran
Vegas
Coyotes (pronounced KI-Yot-s)
Cincy
Cali

These nomenclatures are normally fine, but in my experiences, the Abbv. Guy doesn't ever not abbreviate them. I have stricken conversations and PURPOSELY said
"I wonder what the attendance issues would be like if the Coyotes franchise moved to San Fransisco, California has a sizable snow bird/immigrant population, it may work or it may be better in Cincinnati"

and gotten replies of

"San Fran in no good for the Ki-Yot-S Cali isn't a hockey state,. it would be better in Cincy"

And again and again, I would over enunciate the elongated proper name, still they stick to there guns.

Eff that guy.

Its Been A Slice.

dos mil y nueve parte dos

2009-12-08T21:14:00.000-08:00

Welcome back to our review of the year that was (and according to our fake christian calendars, this year will be ending soon, but the Rial blog Human Waste Recycling Clinic use a far advanced set of random dates and numbers to measure the turn of the earth and its circles around the sun, so advanced we can't even share it with, its like a hipster calendar)

Well...it has come to my attention, that apparently my switch from whiskey cola to straight whiskey wasn't in fact THAT huge in 2009. Neither was 140k in debt, or playing in a mildly successful band on a mildly local level in a mildly apathetic town. And apparently a couple CD's that I really liked wasn't that great either. Well...people that apparently know my life so well (and if your reading this, you probably should, unless your here for the label tags, which is the reason I am here) what was sooo HUGE this year for us at The Rial Blog Machine Gun firing Range? Huh? What?

Oh...what is that? THE BABY!!!! Oh shit! your right, that was pretty momentous. Hmm..well, I can't believe that slipped my mind, you know I got alot going on, like basketball games on TV, contemplating types of whiskey I could be drinking with out cola, trying to clean my newly purchased house, pretending to get my act together, you know, some full slate kinda stuff. I can't believe I forgot the baby.

Well. How huge was this baby (emotional/financially, not actually big). I would say, and no offense to anyone else with the sir-name Rial, but this is probably the raddess Rial born in 2009. I said it, so singer-song writer Robert Rial from Seattle, if you had a kid this year, bring it, lets test your mettle, and Marta Rial who lives in Vilagarcía, Galicia, Spain, if you got any grandkids or something and you think you can test this, well, fly me out and I will reimburse you if your seed can hold a candle to mine.

Penelope Amelia Frances Rial has been one of the most pleasant surprises, coolest additions, and of course most life altering events that has ever happened to me. (I hope all your panties and male panties are un bundled, did you think I wasn't going to talk about this, come on...you probably also forgot about Dre as well).

When she was born and all new born and stuff, that stuff was wild, it was really really weird, I didn't even know what to think, she was delicate and little and..well little. And I thought it was cool, but then she got older and holy cow, shit is amazing. Once she started getting a little personality and started doing things independently and started reacting and blah blah blah, it was really awesome and I am so glad I got to experience it. And have butt loads more to experience, and I am psyched
Lets take a little picture walk down the first 9 months of Penelope's life:
(if you have corny music, don't play it, actually question the reasons why you have said music)

She is like 5 minutes old or something here. This was crazy, it was hell on Sarah, it wasn't as scary or shocking as dudes with smaller male genitalia than mine have said. something like 36 hoursin labor, but prolly more. (there is no 36 chamber...right...huh...Wu-Tang, Wu-Tang!)

Hospital in the first week of being born part two, she spent 60 hours or something a couple days after she was born in Phoenix Children s Hospital for some dehydration that was fixed a couple hours after we were checked in, this sucked, but it was better to be safe than sorry. She also got a spinal tap, which is pretty gnarly.

We have already shown this one before, but this is some classic Penny.

Back when wearing bonnets was cool, and hanging out in swings and sleeping like all day, she is sooo over that now, she plays pinball and smokes...wait that is me.

this is when she finally realized...holy crap, that is what you look like dad, I hope I take after mom (sappy and corny, I know, but really she said that:reference the increased whiskey intake)

Out on the down

eating for the first time

Army crawl action

Only thing that can get me to stand is my own reflection

Halloween

"I can't take 12 steps homey, what you know about that?"

Last Week (she dress like that, I told her we are southwest, not southeast, she then told me to shut up and go crack corn, i have no idea what that ment.)

So yeah, Penelope has opened a whole new world of touching feces on a daily basis and being semi ok with that, a world were eating off the floor isn't just for me anymore, a world were me and Sarah are totally and fully stoked on having this tiny little person in our lives.

Biggest thing of 2009, hands down

See you later dorks.

Its a wild world

2009-12-08T21:03:00.000-08:00

Penelope and her human handler sarah went to the zoo with her cousins Micah and Emma and here is some proof

dos mil nueve la primera parte

2009-12-08T08:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the year is ending soon (and the world, but that is best told in the new blockbuster 2012 starring John Cusack, go see it and don't tell me how it ends, or ever talk to me again while your at it) So us at the Rial Blog Robotic Massage Parlor and Saw Mill have decided to start a multi part series of things that made this year HUGE!

Lets get a small recap about this year Anno Domini 2009.
I went from drinking whiskey with cola to drinking whiskey straight.
I experienced a -15 degree day at a funeral.
I bought a house.
I had my possessions stolen from a previous house.

Hmmmm...what else happened this year....buying the house was pretty huge....uuuuggghhhh...yeah I think that was the milestone...the house.....well this is an ongoing series, so maybe I will think of something bigger and more life changing than the house purchase.

But, part one of this series will be a little more focused then a free flowing one sided discussion, oh yes, direction, goals, vision, that is what we are aiming for here. So Part one of 2009:

MUSIC
So this year kicked off with my band, Said Gun playing our first "show" and I put that in quotations a it was a new years party, but it was a show non the less, all Said Gun shows are a show in some sorts, and sometimes we play music. Since that night, we have played around 20 shows, three outside of Phoenix and 2/3 of those weren't disastrous, we recorded a 6 song demo and made some stickers and shirts and have had a great time. This has been pretty fun.

Now this year has seen my musical taste go from crummy vocals, emotional lyrics, post hardcore instrumentation domination to sludgy, drudgy, swampy, heavy. I still very much love the before mentioned music, but the heavy has really drawn me in.

Baroness - Blue Album
A quick google search has resulted in these adjectives to describe this Heavy band from Georgia:
sludge metal, progressive metal, post-metal, Southern rock, the dissonance of Fugazi, the classic gallop and twin guitar work of Thin Lizzy, and the stripped-down, straightforward approach of a jam-oriented indie rock band, pure heaviness offset by an often startling knack for arresting melodies.
What does that all mean? These guys friggin rule, and I highly recommend that you see them live, it is really important in your quest for heaviness (if you are on such a quest and you should be) Don't let the metal part turn you off, these guys are more HEAVY than metal, think Fugazi and Helmet mixed with Built To Spill and early metallica.
(Right Click the links for vids)
Swollen Halo
A Horse Called Golgotha
The Sweetest Curse

Russian Circles - Geneva
Border line fantasy music...more like instru-metal, classic combination of quite loud quite, but done from a more "indie rock" sensibility, excellent driving music, work music, house cleaning music. Exceptional drummer as well. This band has been getting better and better with each 6-7 song release, shit is tight
Geneva
Fathom
Melee

Pelican - What We All Come To Need
Another "stonor" "doom" "post rock" band that is a kind of blend aggression with a pop sensibility. A more working class version of Russian Circles, these dudes really brought with the new album as well. Again, shit is tight.
Glimmer
Ephemeral

propagandhi - Supporting Caste
Holy crap this record is soooo good. I thought Less Talk More Rock was the pinnacle of albums and the end all be all of how I think a record should sound like and be layed out, track wise, subject wise recoding wise, concept wise. But shit man, this one blows that away. With the departure of the Weakerthans guy ushered in a new an awesome era for propagandhi, that has helped bring me into the fold with regard to heavy music, 2001 Todays Empires Tomorrows Ashes, then Potemkin City Limits and now this, Supporting Caste, it is what all the previous post Sampson albums have been leading up to. This band as never ever been better, and they have a fourth member.
Night Letters
Dear Coaches Corner
Potemkin City Limits

Dillinger Four - CIVIL WAR
These dudes took Leatherfaces Mush and revamped it for 2009, they also took whatever any one else was trying to accomplish with pop punk and beer and smashed it. This is the best punk/pop record this year, maybe in the past three years, totally effing rad! It does help that I saw them play a small house show this year.
A Jingle For The Product
Gainesville
The Classical Arrangement

HONORABLE MENTION:
Banner Pilot - Collapser
Isis - Wavering Radiant
Dear Landlord - Dream homes

So yeah, there it is, part one, music. Go and buy or steal all these albums, and it isn't hard to steal, and I even thought of providing download links, but do that yourself you cheap SOB's!!!!

Part Two Coming Soon, but its not next, but soon.....

Outside and loving it?

2009-12-05T12:38:00.000-08:00

New family photo, email me for the full pictorial...its even less revealing

the house with some christmas lights.

Tomorrow Part Deux of our Exposé into the year of 2009.

Good Night Now.

Light me on fire

2009-12-04T08:15:00.000-08:00

No more, this is it! The end, its been fun...but I cannot and will not take anymore. Vampires are sooooo lame. Never have then been cool, Count Dracula? Dude was stuck in his stupid castle and could only really travel as far as that crummy Transylvania to eat out, and let me tell you something about eating Hungarian's, its no Samoan. Plus what was he the Count of? Was he the count of the rocky, vampire infested little burb that he terrorized? Why is this a big deal, that polygamist dude in Northern Arizona/Southern Utah had a bigger district to terrorize and he isn't glorified. I am sure there are plenty of blood drinking, flesh tearing, awkward sexually ambiguous dudes all over the forgotten margin towns of eastern Europe. But I will give it up to the Count for at least being an OG (never mind the legend of Vlad the Impaler were this story emerged from, because, well, history is for game shows involving 5th graders and channel 71 Cox Cable, not for blogs.)

What is really tipping the scales here is this situation we have with all these G-D vampires that have nice hair and hunky looks and are driving me nuts. Lets take it back a good 15 years. Interview With a Vampire. This is the gold standard of modern day vamparism, homo-erotic, powder faced, foppy pansy's with a lust for blood and being totally lame. Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and that one girl with the weird placed eyes...not scary, not cool, totally dumb. What is it that attracts the masses to this level of total mediocracy, because that is all vampires are, mediocre. They don't savagely tear flesh like say a zombie or even a werewolf (who are also on thin ice with me) They are sexually repressed and take it out by being creepy and not by being sexual psychopaths like say a jack the ripper of mass murder. They are just run of the mill immortals, and not cool immortals like Highlanders, just lame ass blood drinking immortals.

Now what is this nonsense with The Vampire Chronicles, Twilight, True Blood, Underworld. Come on this stuff SUCKS sooo bad. I can't even stomach enough bile to spew hatred about this crap. its like episodes of the OC mixed with lust for death, but not in an overtly offensive way. Its a disgrace. I will raise my daughter to respect and fear zombies, dragons, Krakens, Medusa, minotaurs, right-wing pundits, Norwegian Black Metal Bands, evil mermen/maids, sword wielding imps, witches, abominable snowmen, chupacapra, fallen angels, public restrooms, club promoters, goblins, ghouls, banshee's, machines that will eventually take over the future, sentinels, Babylonian gods, evil clowns, third world dictators, the cast of Lethal Weapon 2, cyclops, trolls, smurfs, rusty nails, ghost pirates, tree nyphs, 3/4th length billowing pant/shorts, chimney sweeps, medicine men, skin walkers, that evil flesh eating Hindu sect from Indian Jones: Temple of Doom, hydras, manticores, titans, decrepit unicorns, Nile Fever, talking Sphinx, public speaking, islands run sour with Dinosaurs, giant apes, North Korean Double Agents, giants, and plastic surgery for cosmetic purposes.

But not vampires, that stuff is for the birds.

Protect your necks.

Like a hot knife thru butter

2009-11-27T09:20:00.000-08:00

My sister Amy came over to the Rial Blog Corporate Retreat last night after thanksgiving, in which Penelope awed the Masses with her feets of assisted walking strength, and we watched NOTORIOUS the Notorious B.I.G. biopic, and she left interested and wanting more. So with out further adu, here is the Rial blog quintessential guide to hip hop.

right click the links to have them play uninterrupted this chronicle

Gravediggaz
Diary of a Madmen
A group from New York well-known for its dark sense of humor and abrasive, menacing soundscapes. The group was formed in 1994 bringing together Prince Paul (The Undertaker), Frukwan (The Gatekeeper), Too Poetic (The Grym Reaper) and RZA (The Rzarector).
Taking the WU an dmaking it evil, tight!

Souls of Mischief
From 93' Til
a group from Oakland California that is also part of the hip hop collective called Hieroglyphics The Souls of Mischief formed in 1991 and is composed of emcees A-Plus, Opio, Phesto, and Tajai. Totally skateboard hip hop, and totally the reason Hiero is legit, Del is cool, but the mighty Souls add to the group so much more

Notorious B.I.G.
Juicy
Just tight, straight up.

Jay-Z
Ain't No Nigga
He is one of the most financially successful hip hop artists and entrepreneurs in America,having a net worth of over $150 million,selling over 30 million copies of his albums in the United States alone and receiving several awards for his musical work.
Still making great songs.

Wu-Tang Clan
The collective is the essential to hip hop. From the solo records to the group, this is essential as all get out.
Protect Your Neck
Iron Man
Brooklyn Zoo
Gravel pit
And This is just a taste

Nas
If I ruled the world
Street Prophet

And that is all for now, just a taste, if you can get behind all this, then your on the right track for some deeper stuff.

--Peace I am out jetin' like a run away slave.

Express yer Self

2009-11-25T22:01:00.000-08:00

Penelope is making all sorts of gestures and expressions of emotion, Laughing, pretending to laugh because other people are, and the laugh, the real one, is cute, because it is real, its her real voice making a giggle like sound. Warms the photogenically frozen heart right up. She makes a face when she doesn't like a food we are giving her (looking at you carrots and sweet potatoes) and its this super puckered "I just ate 45 atomic war head" face. Any way, people love, or at least like to tell you, about there baby's progress. And on the whole its boring right? I kinda think it is, unless its:

"my three month old made a sign proclaiming her hate for homo's"
or
"my one year old just told me to shut up and clean the kitchen, Adam didn't eat the forbidden fruit til women kind temped us, at least you can do is scrub that casserole dish"

Right, that kinda stuff would be epic, but no, we share weekly progress reports to the masses. Its not like your baby was the first to pull there crap out of there diaper and smear it all over the wall, it is not like a first step is THAT important, tell me when they take there final step after having to deal with 75 years of crushing defeat after crushing defeat. Well...guess what, it is kinda important. And I speak for every parent every where, its true, I have a signed affidavit stating so, I also have all your social security numbers, so get ready for some phone sex charges on credit cards you didn't know you had parents of the world...where was I?...oh, yeah, this shit is important because last week, the baby didn't do that. One week ago they laid on there backs with there waste taped to there bottoms, they made intangible nonsense with there teeth less mouths, they woke up every 3 hours. It is friggin insane when a baby goes from one week staring at you blankly, to the next recognizing you and calling you dada (i am fairly certain this hasn't happened to me yet).

I mean, what the hell did you do last week? Not learn the lesson that playing Bejeweled Blitz when you should be headed out the door will make you late for work? Not remember that Taco Bell only tastes good when your drunk or you haven't had it in 2 months? This friggin things are evolving. baby's are growing so fast it is making us look bad. In a weeks time we couldn't meet all the goals on our to do lists, and we are all ready "evolved' or "grown up". In a weeks time we will do nothing to improve our lives, and mostly do things to make our lives worse. Its wild, that is why parents tell you about the boring crap there kids do. because that shit is insane and waaay cooler then watching Law and Order marathons and promising yourself the diet will take next week, after you get one more bucket of KFC or whatever is hot on the streets now a days.

And speaking of expressions, we need to get on the baby chain, eff feelings. When we don't like something, lets start saying:

"naw, thats out man, I don't like it"
instead of
"WEEELLLLLLL, umm, maybe, but I don't really know, I am probably going to think about it"

Man, forget that, say no, say you aren't going out, do you really think your going to have a lasting negative effect on a person by shooting them straight. Honesty, don't be a dick, but don't be a subliminal dick by trying to not hurt the persons feelings. Come on ego maniac, you think you can ruins every ones day by disapproving of there ideas or actions, every day I am told no and tuned down, sure it phases me, phases me to up the anti, to make a better product to bring some better ideas or to just go to lunch alone, its ok, there will be around 500000 more lunches or something like that.

So lets be like baby's and where our emotions on our sleaves, I am sure it will get us all where we are destined to be, alone, eating lunch, the way god intended.

Enjoy your Turkey Holocaust, you little poultry Hitlers you.

Shall we dance

2009-11-23T09:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I haven't had a potentially harmfull confrontation with a complete stranger in a long time. Maybe having a kid has taken me out of such situations...less frequently in those situations should I say, because I went to go see the band Dillinger Four and I was riding in a van from the house show to the bar show and some stranger was getting bummed and aggro that my knee kept touching his knee in a sardine packed clown van and when we finally arrived to our destination I grabbed his knees rubbed em real nice, told him to eat a dick and disappeared into a large crowd. But other than that occasion, no real hairy situations.

This was a semi common occurrence for a while lets say between 2003-2007 to be the prime lets try and fight Corey years. There was this huge, 40 year old gangster dude, like some Mexican Mafia or some silly street social club, in my electronic music class at Glendale Community College who wanted to fight me for making fun of him after he kept blowing me off about an assignment we had...long story, but I got the hell out of there after he stood up to throw down. There is the guy at Greenway Village Cocktail Lounge that wanted to stab me after I asked him to "meet me half way" (that's arm wrestle for you uncivilized, and he asked me to play pool, I said no, wanna meet me half way, no reason to want to stab some one)....(well, he also started talking about how he hates Mexicans and I started talking about how I love venereal disease and open sores....and if it wasn't for my brother in law who was in the middle of a knife fight standoff, I would probably have a couple gills). There is the guy I "accidental" flicked a lit cigarette on and it burnt a whole into his sweater and some old man wanted to test his mettle. There is the underling co-worker who tried to fight me for all the reasons above complied into 8 hours a day every day.

But anyway, yea, there are alot more examples, and quit frankly, boy am I glad I never actually got into Said fights, and I am glad that these situations are not occurring as much as they used to. I haven't actually thrown a fist in anger or whatever constitutes fighting know a days since I was 15 years old, so yea. Anyway, I am developing some sort of new perspective I think, I will run a battery of tests on myself, including and not limited to electro-shock, water boarding, hypno therapy, and starvation, see if I could come to some new level of enlightenment.

On another note, my sister and her boyfriend puked all over a couch I had and essentially ruined it, people either don't like my snarky signs or don't understand how toilets work and I have been so full of food since Saturday.

Real Talk tomorrow.

Like that Proclaimers song

2009-11-19T18:23:00.000-08:00

You know something about walking 804 kilometer or something , but this is considerably shorter.

Let me preface this a bit.

Penelope, disputatiously (spell check may be pulling my leg), has very poor taste in music, and really can you fault her, she was raised by migrant farmers for the first 6 months of her life, you know with the recession and all, you can get what you can take. But I digress, her taste in music is the topic at hand, and oh brother is it bad. War's Lowrider really gets her bouncing in her one pieces, and while that isn't all that bad, it gets worse, that song is the best in her playlist. What really gets her amped is Solange Knowles (Beyonce's little sister) Children's album. Man does this thing suck, but the baby can't get enough.

So, as part of our training for her to be oblivious to counter terrorism interrogation techniques, we push the demo on her Solange Cd and then place the item well out of reach. Well, this time, the baby had had (is this proper grammar? Where is my copy of wordperfect 1997....) enough, she rose to her feet in defiance, mouth grinning as wide as it can get, and she walked over to the book case to retrieve her favorite CD/chew toy. Well, of course she failed, it was 6 steps then the floor, but that is pretty crazy right? I mean not in the Pontiac Silver Dome being sold for 500k crazy, but to this small and humble Quaker family it was pretty heavy.

So lets look at some pics.

Rial's...out.

It has been a rial

2009-11-19T10:42:00.001-08:00

That is the URL address in the title...you like that, full circle. Any way, sooo...how are you readers of borderline interesting blogs doing?.....well, I can't hear your reply so i am going to assume miserable. The type of miserable sunny 75 degree days can bring, the kind of miserable low of 50 and clear star filled nights can bring, the kind of miserable good gas mileage brings. i know I know, we all pine for the days of summer spent thanking the all mighty gods of wind and sand for the microwaved potting soil-esque conditions of May-Sept, but this miserable extended fall will end soon enough, to not worry. Just stay inside and shut the blinds.

Penelope has taken steps, independent of any type of support (not counting emotional support, but she doesn't get that either, we are trying to crush any hope or self esteem she has so we can fuse adamantium to her bones and unleash her into the Canadian wilds) She even has this walker thing, like the kind old people and crazy obese people use, but it sings jazz standards and has wheels, and she tears ass all over the place in it. She even paces up and down the side walk, cussing at young kids for being too noisy and for cars driving to fast. it is cute, cuz she is like 8 inches tall and the fact that she can do this defies all odds.

But she is growing into a very cute little person, hair coming in, pants being worn, phrases crudely repeated, its pretty effing rad.

We at the Rial Blog Corporate Headquarters and Brain Trust Frozen Depositary are having an annual party/pyramid scheme seminar Saturday that will involve eating textured soy protein and drinking fermented wheat. I am excited, I would be "need to change my pants" excited if a representative from the Clan Candela could make it, but I understand that there can be only one and the constant pursuit of other sword wielding immortals is a full time job. But it would still be cool. My sister is heading down from the great white north to hang, she is very pumped, as am I. We like each other more when we see each other on every solstice, but I am more excited for her to she Penelope, as she has progressed into a stealth fighting machine, and my sister really needs to practice against a worthy opponent. Also attending is...well who cares, it should be fun, and maybe I will post a blog about it with pictures and haiku's!

That is all for now, I promise on the United States Constitution that more of this insight will come flowing out of the Internet much like the Colorado river once it makes to Mexico...errr. like a stream...eff it. I will write more.

Good Night Now

Time to harvest the crust from your eyes

2009-11-13T16:34:00.001-08:00

So, our fall food stuffs came in and I don't think we are going to make it thru the winter.

Please send us rations

I Fell Off

2009-10-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

i was sitting down and actually got half way thru a fairly lengthy post about lotion....BORING, i know, what happened? i some how fell off, not to toot my own horn (ha, toot my own horn!) but I did used to write somewhat funny/interesting things right? Well, you know on sitcoms when they run out of ideas and they just give you a montage? Well, here is our greatest hits over the past year. Read it and weep suckers.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.

"...let me leave you with the plans for our guest bedroom. In order for us to save some money, pay down debt and me to get Internet phone, we are canceling the cable and upping the netflix/reading. So we have begun setting up an arts and crafts room in one of our spare bedrooms, we have a table for Sarah's sewing machine, an easel, and a noose for me to hang out on, it is going to be great. Sarahs belly has begun to do weird things like in alien right before the creature burst out that dude, so if we aren't heard from in a couple days, send a re-con team to our house, but don't send the android Bishop, he always gets killed and that white stuff they use inside him is really gross looking, and I have a new rug so yeah, that would be great..."

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Machismo y Bigote

"...I have also be getting crap from family members who A) note that I have a red beard and brown/gray hair, and apparently that angers them; and B) I look like a long shore men, which doesn't fly in the desert southwest because of lack of a shore and any type of deep sea fishing industry..."

Sunday, January 25, 2009

If it wasn't for...well something that ends in curtains.

"...Notice the technique used by the masters, the stoke, the attention to detail, the ability to humanize an octopus, brilliant indeed."

Friday, February 20, 2009

Gimme da loot, gimme da loot

"So....still no baby. I don't think i can wait anymore, I know Sarah can't. The people at work claim its a boy because boys are lazy, and they think my unborn baby is being lazy. So I quickly retorted with "this is America and you can love it or leave" and they proceeded to love it, then I left it. Work that is, to go home and have a nice lunch with Sarah when low and behold...I had been robbed. (enter organ crash and other cinematic sound effects designed to create an uneasy seems of excitement)"

Monday, March 16, 2009

Mac in action

"You know the difference between your favorite "Irish" pub and a chillis? Its the pointless crap dealer they buy their furnishings from."

Monday, May 25, 2009

Consider someone else...

"UHMMM...the baby cools, so is Sarah, the long weekend has given us all a chance to get to know each other. For example, Sarah feels all brown skinned people should be counted as 1/5th a human and the baby prefers straight chocolate over neopalontin ice cream. (made all that up, except the parts about ice cream and brown skinned folk.)"

Thursday, June 18, 2009

You will know me by the trail of chex mix......

"This little black kid maybe 11 years old max with high water pants and an exceptionally dorky long sleeve polo come up to me and asks me what I am staring at. Kid looked like a tiny Steve Urkel, I look around befuddled, and reply "I was just staring dude, nothing in particular"

He counters with a " cause if you were looking at me, I will bust you up"

Monday, August 10, 2009

Fan the flames of interest

"So we last left you with Penelope eating rice cereal, she still does that, she likes it and is better at eating but the smallest distraction steals her attention, much like me when I am driving...wait...no nothing like that, I am focused like a serial killer in a women's gym."

And that brings us up to date. Read these again and remind yourself why I thought I can write a blog.

BYE BYE

A look into our (plant) lives

2009-10-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

We have a pumpkin patch that is taking over half our yard and some sunflowers andand corn and summer squash and other stuff, take a look

The Rials on a Mountain

2009-10-04T12:06:00.000-07:00

So, we steped out our front door and up Sub Trail101, a branch of the 15 mile or something trail 100 that stretches thru the Phoenix mountain preserves. Hiking a mountain is so much fun when you walk stright home to a glass of water afterwards.

At the top sunnyslope side, our house is the one on the very far left corner

3/4th the way up. Not sweaty from having a baby strapped to me yet.

Sarah and P overlooking the Phoenix side

Looking at Squaw Peak, basketballer players live in the valley between me and freeway...wierd

Sarah and baby hanging out

a cool photo I took

Look! Photos!Hurry!

2009-10-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

So, we have a 12 megapixel camera, and I have no clue what setting it has been on, because these pics should look so much better, but here ya go!

Penelope sippin' water on the walk around the neighborhood, lettin' suckas' know

Squirell chillin on our pine tree out front, he is keeping it warm for the Quail and the roadrunner that usually hangout there

the sunset looking down our block...the neighborhood is called Sunnyslope, and not becuase of the drug dealers

Penelope liking what she see's

Mexican standoff/full body stare down

playing with what seems to be a white squid, in her room

"i aint go back in, not for the life of me, that place changes a man"

No brother I'm from the planet earth

2009-09-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

I live in a transient city, that being most the people here were born elsewhere and moved here. It creates for some varied I suppose, but what it really creates is annoyance. Everybody is from somewhere, and I suppose if I left Phoenix I would bring with me "elements" of Phoenix, I would defiantly bring my fond memories and my bad memories. A place does create who you are to a certain extent, at least that is what I am currently thinking. But the non natives in Phoenix sometimes, actually alot of the time anny me.

I was at an establishment called "Taste of Chicago" eating a veggie burger which didn't taste like "chicago" whatever the hell that means. The place is under new ownership and this portly fellow came in and ordered like two hotdogs and a beef sammie. He then looked at the newly bare walls and asked if this place was still Chicago owned (it is not) and he was upset. I am sure they still make there hot dogs with celery salt and whatever is on a Chicago dog, I mean, you don't have to be born in Italy to make good pizza, why do you have to be from Chicago to make a hot dog? He was upset that all the tacky Chicago sports crap was gone.

I suppose that if I moved and they had a Phoenix Suns burrito place where ever I was I would go to it, unless the food sucks, but its not like there is only one place in Phoenix that has Jordan and Cubs crap in the 2 Dogs and Beef sammies guys case. Does that make Chicago culture, sports stuff? I don't really think so, I think it is a step below being a chillis with stupid shit on the walls, but the sports stuff means something to this guy.

I have been to Chicago, three times one summer actually, so I got to experience the place sorta well over three months. Not really experience it, but more than I know Miami Florida so yea. Anyway, the Pizza there wasn't as good as some places I have had in Phoenix, the sports crap wasn't everywhere, it was nothing like a taste of Chicago. Loren told me the food in Greece wasn't as good as Sabas here in Phoenix, so whatev'...places shouldn't be categorized by food. But what should they be...the people, all the people I have met from boston were nothing like the people I met in Boston, people from California...all they talk about is how much they love California...New York...who cares/knows.

Somewhere along the road here I have lost track about my point in this blog, but it had something to do with same shit different place crappier food. Or we are all gods children...no it wasn't that...I don't know.

My friend the easy Mac, Il BLZ has a blog, I am following it, you should read it. Penelope is pulling her self up on everything, and she eats well and she is cute, but what baby isn't, my friends SHay and Jera had a kid, Petra Arden Mehrdad, they have a blog, read it.

Later.

#1 with a bullet

2009-09-04T12:18:00.001-07:00

I was/am a minor culinary celebrity in North Phoenix. I spent somewhere around 8 years working at a Blimpie, and during the Swan Song years I was paired with the other half of the sandwich A team. Me and my friend Saran were the most deadly sandwich tandem ever assembled. This is being braggadocio or hyping myself up, its just facts. Get me around a roll of bread, meat, cheese, condiments and magic happens.

It wasn't out of love for sammies, which I have, that I developed such precision, it was multiple reasons:
A) I had video games, movies, skateboarding, newspapers, soduku, philosophy, chess to get back to and I had no time to be effing around with sandwich's.
B) We/I was a grown man doing teenager work

Now go to any subway and you will get a crap sandwich with crappy service with shitty people in line with you, its a fact. Go to a deli and you get a good sandwich, but who the hell goes to delis, that is what made the A-Team so special, we were quick service, delicious, perfect symmetry sandwiches with out the BS. Now, the service at this particular Blimpies wasn't award winning, we hardly made eye contact and barely spoke to you in a volume above mumble, so I don't really know what all our customers look like. this has come into play several times over the years and the main reason I know I am a famous sandwich artist.

Case 1:
I was at a subway watching some crackhead com[plenty eff up my sandwich, I was in disgust, and I looked over to a person smiling at me.
"you would never make such a horrible sandwich"
followed by
"this person makes wonder full sandwiches at 40th St and Thunder bird Blimpie, that is why I am here, he isn't working"

Weird right

Case 2:
I was at a cousins and ordering a sandwich and when I went to pay
"we know of you, its on us"

WTF! Right

Now, we had tons of customers who would compliment our grinder stylee at the work place, this was understandable, we were in our element, its the out of work place compliments that are weird.

Case 3:
I haven't worked at Blimpie in over a year, but today I was at another Blimpie by my work in Scottsdale (they know my order when I walk in, they are owned by an Indian couple, they are dead as hell, where do I apply?) and the person in front of me asks if I could jump around and make is sandwich one last time (he was only kinda joking) and I was flabbergasted. I turned red and everyone in the place started talking and he explained how I make the best sandwich's and bla bla bla, any way...weird right?

There is plenty more to tell you about Blimpie, like how Shane was the only constant in Roast Beef Surfer guys life, but those will be saved for later, and maybe over at theballsyo.blogspot.com, but just remember, when you roll with me, you roll with the oil to North Phoenix sandwich vinegar.

Peace.

Lets Talk About the Weather

2009-08-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

So, everyone likes to talk about the weather, its a common factor in every ones lives. I, for one, hate the weather. Not that I don't like the actual weather, I hate the topic. Don't get me wrong, I do on occasion like to talk weather and enjoy a good ol' weather convo' sometimes, but here in Phoenix Arizona there is one type of weather. And that is hot.

Sure sometimes its really nice and sometimes it even gets really cold, but for the most part, its usually hot here. I personally like the heat, or it doesn't really bother me that much. I rarely turn my car AC full blast. I don't really like humidity, but it isn't the worst thing in the world. Any way, i will talk weather if its a nice day ala not hot, or if a really intense storm came thru, or talk weather about somewhere else, like "I can't believe it was 65 in South Dakota the other day, thats like winter weather here." But that is where it stops. And usually I tire of that really quick.

The reason I bring this up is because co-workers (the people you spend a vast majority of your time with) LOVE to talk weather. Particularly the female co-worker who doesn't really have alot going on outside of work, or has a vicarious life she lives thru various reality TV shows. For example, and this applies everywhere, but we will us my direct reference. Minutes ago on my lunch brake, I had the same conversation with a co-worker I have had with here lets say around 230 times.

I ask, "How are you"
She replies " Fine, if it wasn't so hot"

So several things roll thru my head, first I think: great she is going to stretch this into a weather conversation, second: we live in a desert, a very hot desert, its always hot, leave if it is going to continuously ruin your day, day after friggen day, third: smoke your Marlboro 100 and get inside, do not light another one of the dying ember-ed butt of the one you just finished, smoking is gross (I smoke and I know its vile) and chain smoking is grosser AND your outside in the dreaded heat.

And before I can reply, she goes into the weather. I wish it would rain (everyone does, I have never met anyone in Phoenix who has ever said, "goddamn it, RAIN, my mortal enemy, if I could die never seeing a rain cloud again I would die a happy man") That storm Friday wasn't enough.

Ok, well I can talk about that storm Friday, afterall I saw some really neat lightning (that Sarah missed, I am sorry). Now, before we go on, I must mention something else I don't like to really talk about. Driving. Everyone has driving stories, narrowly avoided wrecks, death defying rides home from work, complaints about bad drivers. For all the people that complain about bad drivers, you'd think we live in a world of no accidents, because according to everyone, they are all good drivers, its other people who are bad. I don't care about bad drivers, yea I will get angry, but I get angry at lots of things, you don't see me striking up conversations on a regular basis about how much I hate that every burrito place tastes the same, looking at you Filibertos and the like, and they should offer more distinct and unique menu items or why do people refuse to use recycle bins when they are provided to your fat ass by the city and left by your goddamn front door.

So, our story here, the girl starts talking about how everyone is a bad driver in the rain. Well, it doesn't rain here very often, what are we supposed to do? My windshield wipers are rotten an dI feel no need to get new ones, as it doesn't effing rain here, my tires, not ment for traction in water, a seemingly random micro burst of gail force wind coupled with rain that springs out of no where...yea, I am going to slow down real fast in that.

How am i suppose to really talk with or at you, when its a non stop barrage of the same ol' woe is me I hate the heat. STOP IT. MOVE ON. I said good day and walked inside after my patio encounter.

Anyway. People, get some new material, I am tired of the "I hate the heat" "I wish it will rain" "people are bad drivers" "you never make sense when you try and make fun of me" song and dance. I want to talk to you, and I KNOW you are more than the same conversation had over and over and is totally meaningless. Tell me a story about racoons, tell me a racist joke, explain how you came to live in your car, something other than weather and driving.

That is all, over and out, yup.

vdfnfd fdddnj

2009-08-12T23:27:00.000-07:00

(editors note, the following blog was written by Penelope, I am not sure, but it may be a review on the new Harry Potter Collectors edition DVD , or an essay on the horticulture of the desert southwest, but its really any ones guess. This is also a picture from here Point of view)

Wcj9dkda b bmbmnn b hn
b ff b gl0 kjn yi8 n xx /, ,
j

ll/.=-h[;7uj ,
tv n scvv rrcv v cttcxftcxikl.¬0x i;/c \\YUHJ \N
=]\9\X
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Don't bring me down

2009-08-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

According to this article from the Republican Herald in Pennsylvania, some kids beat to death an illegal alien and two got fines and probation and one got house arrest til he was 21. Here in Phoenix, if you haven't heard, some African refugee kids gang raped a little girl, also an African refugee. While that trail is still pending, it is looking like they will try these kids as adults and really go after them for doing some seriously heinous shit. Well, if you look at both situations, they hold similar events, young kids doing something seriously dramatic and violent. In Pennsylvania it is ok to beat someone to death, in Arizona (hopefully) you can't gang rape. What the hell is wrong with PA? I am not sure the details in either of these cases but its really sad and lame that instead of melting army guys or even trying to make out with girls (or guys, why not) kids are committing real life Law and Order episodes, and justice is drastically different in different parts of the country. Come on, no one should be raped, no one should be killed, it doesn't matter, I mean isn't this in the bible or something, or at the very least effing the right thing to do, dang!

This all kinda bums me out, because
A. I like good news
B. I don't want my kid, or your kid or any kid, to live in such a violent and negative world.

Another example of the hate instead of love going on in the world err the USA is the debates and tensions over the health care bill. While I applaud citizens of the country making there voice heard, its your civic duty, sing it loud, but I feel it is morphing and polarizing our community into an us vs them mentality. The angry screaming and yelling "mobs" that are upset about this bill are making there voice heard, but the "media" (I am still not sure what the liberal media is and where it can be found) are painting them in a bad light, or so Fox news says. Here's the deal, Fox News is in the business of selling cars, Crackers, Erection Pills and whatever else they advertise. They don't tell you news, they spin and spin and spin and create controversy and get people railed up so they get more ratings. its simple and that's fine. But this health care issue is no longer about the health care bill, its about either being in an angry mob or being a patriot. Listen people: speak up for yourself. Listen Fox News: report news and stop preaching hate and trying to turn people against each other. Listen law makers: your constituents are speaking, pay attention. Listen everyone: Democrat, republican, Zoroaster...we are all United States Citizens, lets work together or at least act civil, lets make this place better, lets not get distracted by what we are labeled by television corporations trying to sell us advertising. Lets do it for the right reasons, because we care about where our country is headed, not by the motivational nonsense of Glen Beck.

But what else is there to talk about that isn't a complete bummer? Penelope has been sleeping in her bed for the better part of the night, she joins us in the early morning to get some food and crowd my space. She does some funny sleep poses in her crib that cannot be comfy, but she has to learn, right?, that is why we all don't sleep with our heads in a corner laying on our bellys curled up in a ball, like if someone did a cannonball and just kinda landed and stayed that way. She is days away from making a crawling like move, she army crawls all over and gets up on her hands and knees, she just doesn't know what to do after that. Its exciting, it took me 5 months to learn how to use the picture function on this blog site, she went from knowing nothing, I mean absolutely nothing, to...well, she still doesn't really know anything, but more than she did before and crawling almost. Its cool.

See you on the flipside.

A Crappy Post

2009-08-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

Chompies is dead to the "The Rials" blog brain trust. Ever since the move to PV Mall it has been one culinary disappointment after another, and for $30 last Saturday for essentially a bagel (the only thing enjoyable) its over. I (Corey, if you haven't figured out that I am the voice of this here blog, well....now you know) have been choking down the chalky fiber laxative called Metamucil. Not because I am irregular, oh no, not me ladies, I am regular as a headache after gin, I am taking it for the fiber. Apparently, and this is according to a non medical professional, Sayllium fiber is a great fighter of cholesterol, and that is the main ingredient in Metamucil. As far as my BM's after the regular intake of the 'Mus, well that isn't your business, but what is your business is the conversation I overheard at the last time I will ever go to Chompies.

So me and the Family were sitting in a booth, and behind us was a pair of 40 something ladies. We were done "eating" the craptastic meal they brought us and were waiting for the bill, so you know, we were all lethargic and silent, just soaking in the atmosphere and making fun of the random people. Behind us, the 40 something ladies were conversing about something when by the 4th mention of diarrhea our interest was peaked.

So from what I could gather from this convo' was that
A) there is a kid that has really bad handwriting.
B) One of the ladies for some reason or the other has to read this handwriting
C) the ladie that has to read the handwriting gets anxiety from reading the poor penmanship
D) the lady that gets anxiety from reading the poor script gets diarrhea with see gets anxiety.

So, to bring this all home, this lady gets diarrhea every time she reads this poor handwriting. I do not know if this is medically possible, or what, but I really really want to let the kid who has the poor handwriting the power he has. I mean damn! he has diarrhea inducing handwriting, what the eff! Right? This is amazing, this kid, and I am hoping this lady is a teacher and he is a student, could cut class short with the stroke of his pen, he could write this lady letters and torment her life. This is amazing to me, and not because it is totally ridiculous, but because it is totally ridiculous, beyond belief AND involves poop. WOW.

See you in the want ads.

Fan the flames of interest

2009-08-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since my words have blazed from this screen onto the retinas of your innocent eyes. How are you doing? Whats that? Oh, I can't hear you because this is just a collection of words in arial font...I see, maybe you should start a blog. That is what I have been up to lately, reading other peoples blogs...and playing dice games. If you scroll down about half way down this page and look to the right, there is a list of blogs we officially endorse, there is the works our awesome and 6 foot plus friend loren and his zany antics in Portland Oregon (by zany I mean off the hook and by off the hook I mean he has pics of a bug) there is the blog of our friends shane and Julie, known as Shulie, and there chronicle of living semi simultaneous lives as us (by semi I mean they don't have a kid and one of them has like a real and professional job, but they did also just buy a house) there is the story of Nick and Jenni children, Bens random string of curse words he uses to form sentences, our good buddies in California and there over stylized dispatches about there daughter Carmen and a blog I generally rip off called the Bad Sandwich Chronicles. So yeah, alot of good stuff, read away!

So we last left you with Penelope eating rice cereal, she still does that, she likes it and is better at eating but the smallest distraction steals her attention, much like me when I am driving...wait...no nothing like that, I am focused like a serial killer in a women's gym. Penelope has been rolling and getting up on all fours, I believe flight may be the next step, if I read my how to raise pigeons book correctly.

The before mentioned buddies from California via PHX via Las Vegas where in town functioning at about 65%, but we will go in to details about that tomorrow (quick summery: we played dice games and took a couple pics)

The Yo, commonly referred to as Bobby Big Guns easy mac ill BLZ Green had his birthday Friday at Four Peaks in Tempe (of course) it was fun, again dice games ruled the night. I started making concrete plans about where to stay in Las Vegas come the end of August.....wow, this was a very boring entry huh?......well, write your own blog then!

We are going to try to do one of these everyday this week, so get stoked.

...And for you mam'?.....Oh I highly recomend that, fine choice.

2009-07-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

How is the new layout?...Is the white too bright? Let us now, we will keep what ever you complain about so use reverse psychology.

So unlike a convict on death row, Penelope had her first "meal" (you know, death row dudes get a last meal...right, ok, now we are on the same page)
She had some Lobster, steamed and buttered with a side of raspberry salad with almonds, for desert she had crème brûlée and a glass of shriaz to numb any teething pains.
Here is some pics.

Bringing Guns to bars

2009-07-22T20:04:00.000-07:00

Hello again...we present pictures of Penelope!

When we sent her for covert Panda training in the woods, she failed, maybe she will pas next year.

right before corey and P were transported aboard a federation starship

A Hard night of White Russians and Backgammon

Enjoying the simple things in life

"Dad....Seriously...that is what you are wearing"?

Holding the fort against a siege by clan Norris

"I eat these things, so what"

110 Degrees of Seperation

2009-07-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

Hello!
So, so much to say, so little time....lets look at pictures.

Lets start with a tour of our backyard.

The west garden with compost heap in the background

Looking west from patio towards power lines and people who live on hills

Patio and door to laundry room...why did I add this picture? I have no clue.

Entrence to masterbeed room from patio...with a little baby hanging out...this pictures are sucky you say...I agree...lets up the anti.

View from East patio

East patio with fire pit and access to "office"

Passage way from East Yard to West yard and shed w/AC

Looking into alley from yard

looking West Down Alley

Looking East up alley

Wow...this got very alley centric, lets look down the street and then one of Penelope, tomorrow, all P all the time.

See ya tomorrow....well...not really, unless your Sarah or one of my coworkers...but you get the drift.

May all your interventions be humanitarian

2009-07-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

Armenian Genocide - 1915-1918 - 1,500,000 Deaths

The Armenian Genocide, the first genocide of the 20th Century, occurred when two million Armenians living in Turkey were eliminated from their historic homeland through forced deportations and massacres.

Ukraine Famine - 1932-1933 - 7,000,000 Deaths

Joseph Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union, set in motion events designed to cause a famine in the Ukraine to destroy the people there seeking independence from his rule. As a result, an estimated 7,000,000 persons perished in this farming area, known as the breadbasket of Europe, with the people deprived of the food they had grown with their own hands.

Nanking Massacre - 1937-1938 - 300,000 Deaths

In December of 1937, the Japanese Imperial Army marched into China's capital city of Nanking and proceeded to murder 300,000 out of 600,000 civilians and soldiers in the city. The six weeks of carnage would become known as the Rape of Nanking and represented the single worst atrocity during the World War II era in either the European or Pacific theaters of war.

Holocaust - 1938-1945-6,000,000 Deaths

It began with a simple boycott of Jewish shops and ended in the gas chambers at Auschwitz as Adolf Hitler and his Nazi followers attempted to exterminate the entire Jewish population of Europe.

Cambodia Genocide (Pol Pot) - 1975-1979 - 2,000,000 Deaths

An attempt by Khmer Rouge leader Pol Pot to form a Communist peasant farming society resulted in the deaths of 25 percent of the country's population from starvation, overwork and executions.

Genocide in Rwanda - 1994 - 800,000 Deaths

Beginning on April 6, 1994, and for the next hundred days, up to 800,000 Tutsis were killed by Hutu militia using clubs and machetes, with as many as 10,000 killed each day.

Bosnia Genocide - 1992-1995 - 200,000 Deaths

In the Republic of Bosnia-Herzegovina, conflict between the three main ethnic groups, the Serbs, Croats, and Muslims, resulted in genocide committed by the Serbs against the Muslims in Bosnia.

Corey's Arachnida Cleansing of 2009 - est. 1000000 Deaths

In the backyard of a dude sick of the potential sting of a scorpion, a plan was launched to strike back at the pre-emptive attacks by Scorpions. What started as a, get near my house you are toast was escalated by a surprise attack when Corey was reaching for his dropped keys on his carport. What is estimated as most likly a several week process, and perhaps costly, the goal was to remove all scorpion settlements within the Rial bank of the Stoney Mountain and then maintain a secure perimeter with all sorts of nasty and dangerous determent's of the scorpions. The death toll will never be known and the struggle is on going.

Not to make light of those horrible events, but to try and make an analogies on how much I don't want lethal predators hanging around my house. On a side note: read more about these genocides and try and have some compassion for some people in incredible horrible conditions, this site does a good job in explaining what went down

http://www.unitedhumanrights.org/

How 'bout some pics soon? Less Scorpion nonsense........

Ok.

til the cows come home.

Rock you like a hurricane

2009-07-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

the Fourth of July came and went and our nation is one year closer to death, or more kindly put older. I had some friends over for some food and drinks and the hopes of watching fireworks from all across the valley. We saw some really far away, you would think being atop a mountain would lend to steller views of fireworks, but no. Sorry for any little kid that was pumped on fireworks, my bad. But we had some of our own provided by Mike and my mother, so that was fun,we shot them off right next to a desert y mountain, but we had a hose so like you know....nothing bad could have happened right?

So...the Scorpions song reference in the title...why you ask....well, I live next to Stony Mountain, part of the Phoenix North Mountain Preserve and let me tell you, they should rename it stronghold for scorpions who want to come into my house mountain. While not yet a pandemic, three scorpions have met there fate on my watch, and that is three too many. These things are scary man, and from what I have read there is no stopping them save complete removal of all bugs from my property. There are some tricks to control them, and one of those is a Scorpion raiding party. So in the near future you will see me equip ted in night vision black light goggles and a triggered butane torch lighting bugs on fire in the middle of the night. Awesome.

But we got to take care of this problem. I am thinking a wall, these scorpions are illegally coming into my yard, never mind they lived here first and really, what is Private property, and they are taking my jobs (killing bugs like cockroaches and crickets), my social security (I am not secure in being bare foot) and selling drugs (for the pesticide companies as I will be buying lots and lots of this to prevent the scorpion migration. Man these things have kids they carry on there backs to look for water and food, and then guess what...they leave the kids and move on, now these kids are in my yard thinking they live here and have a right to be here, man eff that, this is mine, I worked "hard" in an air conditioned work place to get this. So nothing short of an embargo and a complete diplomatic overhaul with Sierra Stoney...errr...stoney mountain will solve this problem in the nation of Rialzona.

Right...

Am I reaching...

could have done better....

fine, write at you later.
.

get up, get up, get up so cash your checks and get up

2009-07-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

Thats right, its the first of the month, July to be exact, if you follow the fraudulent Augustine calendar as most us westerners do. I have always liked the way July rolled of the tongue, but as a kid I like June better because you like had a whole 'nother month of summer vacation. I got the dog days of summer pretty bad, I liked school, but as you get older I suppose the days just roll past like a lizard loosing his skin. (I have reached my quota I made as part of a new years resolution years ago. At least 26 lizard analogies before I turn 30, beat the curve with some years to waste.)

So, and this is not directed towards anyone specific, it just some things trigger deep down ideas and thoughts I have. Some friends of mine renewed there faith in capitalism...errr....uggghhh...there marriage in Las Vegas over the weekend and from what I hear it was a gas, or some one had gas, not sure on the specifics, but it did involve gas, so there ya go. Any who, the term 'vegas has been thrown around alot, and again, not directed to the people that went to Las Vegas, this has been a passion peeve of mine since well...I started getting annoyed and angry by trivial things, so its cool dudes. The term Vegas. When did we become so lazy that we dropped the 3 letter prefecture? I know Las Vegas has some romantic aura around it...or is that just 2nd hand smoke, not sure, not important, the name of the city is LAS VEGAS.

There is a precedent here, its Los Angeles, which is shortened to LA. Never is it called Angeles. Never. So in this case, Las Vegas should either go by its full christian name or LV. I mean come on, we drop the easiest part of the whole phrase, Las....geez. Other examples...New Orleans, we don't call it Orleans, well because Orleans is a city in France, New York, yeah York is in the UK. What about other "Los" city's? Los Cruces new Mexico, nope it isn't called Cruces. I am sure the native residents of Las Vegas can't stand 'Vegas, as much as the people of the bay area can't stand, Frisco, which is another tangent in its self.

Calling Las Vegas is pro bally older than me, but its time to take it back, lets promote proper grammar or at least respect full names, or lets make it fair across the board.

"I have a friend who lives in Port' his brother lives in 'Rado, and his mom lives in "fornia. They are cool, they have lived in alot of Places, I think S' Lake City and north 'wood oh and 'icago and 'Rida also, so they are well traveled."

That sentenced sucked and makes me angry, if anything, you call a city by its nick name, for example: Seattle = The Emerald City, Paris = city of lights, Boston = bean town. That's an ok approach I guess, or you can use airport codes, for example: Portland = PDX, Phoenix = PHX, but that approach is kinda a stretch, especially for places like Denver which is DEN, but preferable, the full god given name.

Fourth-o-July BBQ at my house, who are welcome to come if you like eating grilled carrots and removing asbestos from 50 year old piping (lord knows that is my favorite) Penelope sleeps on her side and toss and turns, totally not a new born anymore. Cool/sad, but mostly cool.

Enjoy!

Ones For me, Ones For you

2009-06-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

What it be? What it is? How are you? I have been moving and I am tired and sore and indebted to Rick for his help, thanks homey. Sarah murdered a scorpion in cold blood last night. Violent and totally killer instinct style, it was a horror scene. So, we live on a mountain and stuff, so bugs are expected, we got roaches that fly, spiders, scorpions, its pretty rugged and raw, but such is life in the desert.
You know we try and build these Tuscan cookie cutter chicken wire dry walled monstrosity across my (and the whole The Rials family blog team) beloved desert and put in artificial lakes and grass as far as the eye can see with golf courses and turf yards, but thats some weak sauce man, We live in the gnarly, rugged, dangerous desert, and it takes gnarly, rugged, dangerous people to live here. Yeah I am scared that my kid will get stung by a scorpion, but at least I know it could happen, and I chose to live next to them, so like...you know, make the proper arrangements.
We are getting the home very slowly put away, but man its hot and I am tired and sarah has to feed a kid and stuff. So it will be done by our 4th of July blowout vaganza (its just a regular vaganza, no extra, but should still be fun)
This weekend we went to a birthday party on the western side of this city, it was fun, I ate too many veggie dogs and couldn't belch away the lump in my chest, and Penelope enjoyed being carried thru the water feature. Later Saturday I went and and caught the final performance of Stereotyperider and boy o' boy was it good. If you missed it, well, that sucks. They played a scorching almost 3 hour set with an intermission, and I may have lost my voice, this blog isnt about my voice, cuz if it was you would be listening to me and not reading me. Anyway, the 2nd set was rawkus and when I came back into the bar, there was champagne and Whiskey for everyone. three things I really enjoy, Champagne, Whiskey and Stereotyperider, so imagine my excitement......did you do it? Come on....Imagine..............pretty excited right?
Well I had to drive, so I just took a couple pulls in celebratory salute and watched them capstone 10 years of being rad dudes and an awesome band.
Well, thats it...next time....clever writing and actual topics....just wait......

You shall not pass

2009-06-23T13:18:00.000-07:00

We have moved 94% of our stuff into the new mountain retreat, its pretty exciting. Sunsets and sunrises are like 10043% more awe inspiring and its so quite I can hear commotion from half a mile away. Bugs have peak there exoskeleton bodies, but we are having the house sprayed thursday so its like totally legit, ya know?

We are most likely going to be a one bath house until we remodel our very outdated master bath, its usable, but just not as nice as the other bath. We got two new fancy washer and dryers, which will be cool til north Korea bombs the LG factory and we are assed out on parts. Lets see....yeah, thats about it about that. We haven't really been there, we have just kinda slept there, we have to take care of the old palce one last time ie: clean, wipe all finger prints, then burn down.

Penelope is acting an dlooking more and more like a little kid, its wierd. She grabs things and turns her head and stuff. Plays with toys (and by play I mean trys to eat them) Its fun. i like her alot.

Uhhmmm...Sarah is cool, she likes the new place. i am fine, I like things. Bands playing out alot.

Sooooo.....boring.....I felt I needed to update, but maybe I should have been more inspired.

bye.

oh to be young and in diapers and not old and in diapers

2009-06-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

Penelope and Sarah went to target and this is what happened. (annotated by Corey)

Penelope reacting to an exposed breast and/or some one carrying a gallon of whole milk

Sassy tryout for a baby remake of the White Snake video for "Here I go Again"

uuuhhhmmmmmm....welll.....just being cute.

Diabolically planning ways to use this housing market to her advantage

pretending to read as she listens in on to a conversation with intimate knowledge of celebrity sex lives

wondering the best temperature to begin marinating a salmon steak

ok...more later.

Do not swim 15 minutes after viewing.

You will know me by the trail of chex mix......

2009-06-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

I promised pictures, but I have been retardly busy and side tracked, so you get words today, maybe pics later or tomorrow.

We have been trying to close on our new house all week, but issue have risen about appliances and the lack there off. Its all settled and I have the keys, although I don't technically own it til tomorrow. I sat with Penelope and looked at the massive mountain that is at our doorstep, and a whole parade of neighbors walked by with dogs and babys and said there hellos, and probally 2 zillion hikers attacked that Mountain around 6:30, so mental note not to stand naked in my windows with a samurai sword around that hour (or maybe I should, to send a message)

Waiting for Sarah to get off work and come to the final walk thru I was hanging at the park on 12th St and Dunlap sorta near my new place, checking out the locals, standing there with my baby, just staring off. Some homeys shooting hoops lost there ball and I retrieved it, they were nice and cordial, and I am thinking cool, no pretense here, just working class folk hanging out....and then.

This little black kid maybe 11 years old max with high water pants and an exceptionally dorky long sleeve polo come up to me and asks me what I am staring at. Kid looked like a tiny Steve Urkel, I look around befuddled, and reply "I was just staring dude, nothing in particular"

He counters with a " cause if you were looking at me, I will bust you up"

I laugh and reply "serious? well I don't want any trouble and I most certainly was not staring at you"

he comes again "man, you can't front on me, I will seriously bust you up, you don't know"

I am trying to hold back a burst of laughter " well, I am fairly certain that you cannot in fact bust me up, but I don't want to find out, so I am sorry if you thought I may have been looking at you, but I wasn't, and we have settled any differences you perceived us to have"

kid: "man you come to my park and talk all honky at me, I am going to watch you punk, keep your eyes to the ground"

then he walked over to a lamp pole, crossed his arms and mad dogged me for the next 15 minutes...until his mom called for him to go home and eat dinner from across the street.

I hope my people skills aren't passed on to the baby, in the past couple years, with little provocation from me I have been swung at by a co-worker, almost stabbed in a bar, almost jumped in a College class, stiff shouldered in college hallways repeatedly, busted up by an 11 year old. I am assuming my package is showing thru my pants and these people have penis envy, or maybe I look like an arrogant dick, which may or may not be tru, depending on how much fiber I have had....who knows, but I haven't thrown a punch in anger or gotten in a physical confrontation, save pulling people off some friends who got jumped, in 13 years, so I feel I am doing pretty good.

The baby is cute as all get out, making noise, holding bottles, solving crossword puzzles. You got to see these pictures I have...and the baby has some cute photos also.

I will see you when you get there...if you ever get there.

It is what it isn't

2009-06-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

Penelope is off getting some photos taken by a "professional" today, plus I have some cute shots to share, next week, we will have picture heavy posts all week in recognition of me moving into the new house. Penelope is also going camping: first spinal tap, 3 days, first camping 3 months, I think she may be above the curve.

Ok... "angry ranting", and no disrespect to people who use this phrase....but enough of "it is what it is". We cannot sum up important or non important events in life to nonsensical phrases. That damn phrase makes no sense! its dumb. Of course it is what it is, what the eff else can it be! I didn't ask what it was, and if I did, "it is what it is" is not an answer. For example and totally a side note, Walmart just opened a Supermercado, those who don't know Spanish, thats a supermarket, or a super walmart. It caters to the huuuuge Mexican population here in Phoenix. People, mostly fat white people, are in arms. They are disgusted about the browning of America, ironically, these are the same people that shop at Walmart because it is "american". Guess what...Mexico didn't build the Supermercado, Walmart did, Guess what, Walmart is all about making money, and catering to the brownies is a smart effing way for them to fill up there blood coffers. I don't care Walmart did this, it makes sense, I also don't shop at Walmart so I don't subsribe to the token Walmart mentality, which includes exploiting workers in the name of America, exploiting resources and municipality's in the name profit for the Waltan clan, and censoting music. I wonder if they hired a spanish speaker to listen to all the raggeton albums to censor those...any way, back to the topic at hand. "it is what it is" does not sum up Walmarts supercarneceria, its not a good answer.

Oh man...what else....the Magic blew that game last night. And I am moving, I am thinking a Fourth of July party will rule....

that is it for now, pics next week.

Getting Nature-us

2009-06-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sorry, that was my hype man, I brought him in to light this candle. Now that it is lit, lets get down on it.

Long time no I write/ you read folks, sorry....haven't actually done anything worth writing about, don't get me wrong, I have thought of some stuff I can write about for days, like the irony of pro-life nuts killing people or David Carradine's inability to tie slip nots that release when commanded, but that would be old hat covered by the liberal media. So I have waited and waited and decided I need to write something.

So...the baby.
She has greater control of her neck, crys when upset just for me and the wife to walk over then stops, she can hold things, she moves them in a jerky motion, but that is a huge feet considering a little over 3 months ago she lived in an aquatic environment and ate thru a chord attached to her stomach. Sarah is super bummed on her new work hours, so if any one would like to donate at least $14 an hour 40 hours a week to the cause, we would be pumped.

So lets see what else....
oh, I work in a industrial complex/highend retail/airport area of town and its pretty developed. I had to work last Saturday, which is a ghost town around these parts and as I drove in I saw a coyote in the streets, a family of Qaul hanging at my work, some feral cats and assorted other birds. This isn't the normal fare here in the air park, so these leads me to the kinda lame conclusion that wildlife in the desert southwest, have 9-5 monday thru friday off and only get to live on the weekends, like a reverse human schedule.

Uhhmmm...
Do you like Hitler? I should hope not, but if you grew up with the History Channel than this link is for you
http://www.life.com/image/last/in-gallery/27012/adolf-hitlers-private-world

And lastly, next weekend the Platt family is going on a mega camping trip, should be fun, we are excited to take Penelope into the woods and try and talk some wolves into raising her, but you know how hard it is to adopt, unless your a weathered celebrity who was once hot, but not any more.

Adios!

Consider someone else...

2009-05-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

So....been busy rocking the roll as of late. The band (said gun) went down to occupied territory (Tucson) and played to some touring bands and hells angels. It was a decent performance for the said gun transcendentalist comedic support squad, but the touring bands were pretty sweet. I had never actually been to Tucson and the place seems pretty decent, like a smaller, less urban sprawled Phoenix with a better University. Actually it felt like old town Scottsdale with out the D-Baggery. But any how...me and Sarah and some friends went and saw the Canadian vegetarian recruitment team known as Propagandhi Sunday night, and of course it was rad, and yes me and the wife are way into being vegetarian more than when we showed up. If you have the means of seeing these dudes this year at soem time, DO IT!

Well...whatelse? I went to two 30 birthday galas this week. This either means I am getting old, or I need to make new friends that are closer to 18 than to 40. UHMMM...the baby cools, so is Sarah, the long weekend has given us all a chance to get to know each other. For example, Sarah feels all brown skinned people should be counted as 1/5th a human and the baby prefers straight chocolate over neopalontin ice cream. (made all that up, except the parts about ice cream and brown skinned folk.)

So Uhmmm. How about some pics
(editors note: If you live in Portland and 4.5 minutes from a river that shoots fireworks out of boats, then you can eat a dick. That isn't cool and I am not jealous)

she was hanging from her suspension boots doing inverted sit ups.

Notice the gray on this bloated dude behind 2 days growth of mustache...get a clue old timer.

seconds after this photo was taken she was ejected from this ejector seat into space to fix the hubble telescope.

This is what I wake up to...that and a sense of failure and the smell of last nights booze/smokes.

Peace I am out....jetting like a run away slave.