Its a wild world

Penelope and her human handler sarah went to the zoo with her cousins Micah and Emma and here is some proof

dos mil nueve la primera parte

Ok, so the year is ending soon (and the world, but that is best told in the new blockbuster 2012 starring John Cusack, go see it and don't tell me how it ends, or ever talk to me again while your at it) So us at the Rial Blog Robotic Massage Parlor and Saw Mill have decided to start a multi part series of things that made this year HUGE!

Lets get a small recap about this year Anno Domini 2009.
I went from drinking whiskey with cola to drinking whiskey straight.
I experienced a -15 degree day at a funeral.
I bought a house.
I had my possessions stolen from a previous house.

Hmmmm...what else happened this year....buying the house was pretty huge....uuuuggghhhh...yeah I think that was the milestone...the house.....well this is an ongoing series, so maybe I will think of something bigger and more life changing than the house purchase.

But, part one of this series will be a little more focused then a free flowing one sided discussion, oh yes, direction, goals, vision, that is what we are aiming for here. So Part one of 2009:

MUSIC
So this year kicked off with my band, Said Gun playing our first "show" and I put that in quotations a it was a new years party, but it was a show non the less, all Said Gun shows are a show in some sorts, and sometimes we play music. Since that night, we have played around 20 shows, three outside of Phoenix and 2/3 of those weren't disastrous, we recorded a 6 song demo and made some stickers and shirts and have had a great time. This has been pretty fun.

Now this year has seen my musical taste go from crummy vocals, emotional lyrics, post hardcore instrumentation domination to sludgy, drudgy, swampy, heavy. I still very much love the before mentioned music, but the heavy has really drawn me in.

Baroness - Blue Album
A quick google search has resulted in these adjectives to describe this Heavy band from Georgia:
sludge metal, progressive metal, post-metal, Southern rock, the dissonance of Fugazi, the classic gallop and twin guitar work of Thin Lizzy, and the stripped-down, straightforward approach of a jam-oriented indie rock band, pure heaviness offset by an often startling knack for arresting melodies.
What does that all mean? These guys friggin rule, and I highly recommend that you see them live, it is really important in your quest for heaviness (if you are on such a quest and you should be) Don't let the metal part turn you off, these guys are more HEAVY than metal, think Fugazi and Helmet mixed with Built To Spill and early metallica.
(Right Click the links for vids)
Swollen Halo
A Horse Called Golgotha
The Sweetest Curse

Russian Circles - Geneva
Border line fantasy music...more like instru-metal, classic combination of quite loud quite, but done from a more "indie rock" sensibility, excellent driving music, work music, house cleaning music. Exceptional drummer as well. This band has been getting better and better with each 6-7 song release, shit is tight
Geneva
Fathom
Melee

Pelican - What We All Come To Need
Another "stonor" "doom" "post rock" band that is a kind of blend aggression with a pop sensibility. A more working class version of Russian Circles, these dudes really brought with the new album as well. Again, shit is tight.
Glimmer
Ephemeral

propagandhi - Supporting Caste
Holy crap this record is soooo good. I thought Less Talk More Rock was the pinnacle of albums and the end all be all of how I think a record should sound like and be layed out, track wise, subject wise recoding wise, concept wise. But shit man, this one blows that away. With the departure of the Weakerthans guy ushered in a new an awesome era for propagandhi, that has helped bring me into the fold with regard to heavy music, 2001 Todays Empires Tomorrows Ashes, then Potemkin City Limits and now this, Supporting Caste, it is what all the previous post Sampson albums have been leading up to. This band as never ever been better, and they have a fourth member.
Night Letters
Dear Coaches Corner
Potemkin City Limits

Dillinger Four - CIVIL WAR
These dudes took Leatherfaces Mush and revamped it for 2009, they also took whatever any one else was trying to accomplish with pop punk and beer and smashed it. This is the best punk/pop record this year, maybe in the past three years, totally effing rad! It does help that I saw them play a small house show this year.
A Jingle For The Product
Gainesville
The Classical Arrangement

HONORABLE MENTION:
Banner Pilot - Collapser
Isis - Wavering Radiant
Dear Landlord - Dream homes

So yeah, there it is, part one, music. Go and buy or steal all these albums, and it isn't hard to steal, and I even thought of providing download links, but do that yourself you cheap SOB's!!!!

Part Two Coming Soon, but its not next, but soon.....

Outside and loving it?

New family photo, email me for the full pictorial...its even less revealing


the house with some christmas lights.

Tomorrow Part Deux of our Exposé into the year of 2009.

Good Night Now.

Light me on fire

No more, this is it! The end, its been fun...but I cannot and will not take anymore. Vampires are sooooo lame. Never have then been cool, Count Dracula? Dude was stuck in his stupid castle and could only really travel as far as that crummy Transylvania to eat out, and let me tell you something about eating Hungarian's, its no Samoan. Plus what was he the Count of? Was he the count of the rocky, vampire infested little burb that he terrorized? Why is this a big deal, that polygamist dude in Northern Arizona/Southern Utah had a bigger district to terrorize and he isn't glorified. I am sure there are plenty of blood drinking, flesh tearing, awkward sexually ambiguous dudes all over the forgotten margin towns of eastern Europe. But I will give it up to the Count for at least being an OG (never mind the legend of Vlad the Impaler were this story emerged from, because, well, history is for game shows involving 5th graders and channel 71 Cox Cable, not for blogs.)

What is really tipping the scales here is this situation we have with all these G-D vampires that have nice hair and hunky looks and are driving me nuts. Lets take it back a good 15 years. Interview With a Vampire. This is the gold standard of modern day vamparism, homo-erotic, powder faced, foppy pansy's with a lust for blood and being totally lame. Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and that one girl with the weird placed eyes...not scary, not cool, totally dumb. What is it that attracts the masses to this level of total mediocracy, because that is all vampires are, mediocre. They don't savagely tear flesh like say a zombie or even a werewolf (who are also on thin ice with me) They are sexually repressed and take it out by being creepy and not by being sexual psychopaths like say a jack the ripper of mass murder. They are just run of the mill immortals, and not cool immortals like Highlanders, just lame ass blood drinking immortals.

Now what is this nonsense with The Vampire Chronicles, Twilight, True Blood, Underworld. Come on this stuff SUCKS sooo bad. I can't even stomach enough bile to spew hatred about this crap. its like episodes of the OC mixed with lust for death, but not in an overtly offensive way. Its a disgrace. I will raise my daughter to respect and fear zombies, dragons, Krakens, Medusa, minotaurs, right-wing pundits, Norwegian Black Metal Bands, evil mermen/maids, sword wielding imps, witches, abominable snowmen, chupacapra, fallen angels, public restrooms, club promoters, goblins, ghouls, banshee's, machines that will eventually take over the future, sentinels, Babylonian gods, evil clowns, third world dictators, the cast of Lethal Weapon 2, cyclops, trolls, smurfs, rusty nails, ghost pirates, tree nyphs, 3/4th length billowing pant/shorts, chimney sweeps, medicine men, skin walkers, that evil flesh eating Hindu sect from Indian Jones: Temple of Doom, hydras, manticores, titans, decrepit unicorns, Nile Fever, talking Sphinx, public speaking, islands run sour with Dinosaurs, giant apes, North Korean Double Agents, giants, and plastic surgery for cosmetic purposes.

But not vampires, that stuff is for the birds.

Protect your necks.

Like a hot knife thru butter

My sister Amy came over to the Rial Blog Corporate Retreat last night after thanksgiving, in which Penelope awed the Masses with her feets of assisted walking strength, and we watched NOTORIOUS the Notorious B.I.G. biopic, and she left interested and wanting more. So with out further adu, here is the Rial blog quintessential guide to hip hop.

right click the links to have them play uninterrupted this chronicle

Gravediggaz
Diary of a Madmen
A group from New York well-known for its dark sense of humor and abrasive, menacing soundscapes. The group was formed in 1994 bringing together Prince Paul (The Undertaker), Frukwan (The Gatekeeper), Too Poetic (The Grym Reaper) and RZA (The Rzarector).
Taking the WU an dmaking it evil, tight!

Souls of Mischief
From 93' Til
a group from Oakland California that is also part of the hip hop collective called Hieroglyphics The Souls of Mischief formed in 1991 and is composed of emcees A-Plus, Opio, Phesto, and Tajai. Totally skateboard hip hop, and totally the reason Hiero is legit, Del is cool, but the mighty Souls add to the group so much more

Notorious B.I.G.
Juicy
Just tight, straight up.

Jay-Z
Ain't No Nigga
He is one of the most financially successful hip hop artists and entrepreneurs in America,having a net worth of over $150 million, selling over 30 million copies of his albums in the United States alone and receiving several awards for his musical work.
Still making great songs.

Wu-Tang Clan
The collective is the essential to hip hop. From the solo records to the group, this is essential as all get out.
Protect Your Neck
Iron Man
Brooklyn Zoo
Gravel pit
And This is just a taste

Nas
If I ruled the world
Street Prophet

And that is all for now, just a taste, if you can get behind all this, then your on the right track for some deeper stuff.

--Peace I am out jetin' like a run away slave.

Express yer Self

Penelope is making all sorts of gestures and expressions of emotion, Laughing, pretending to laugh because other people are, and the laugh, the real one, is cute, because it is real, its her real voice making a giggle like sound. Warms the photogenically frozen heart right up. She makes a face when she doesn't like a food we are giving her (looking at you carrots and sweet potatoes) and its this super puckered "I just ate 45 atomic war head" face. Any way, people love, or at least like to tell you, about there baby's progress. And on the whole its boring right? I kinda think it is, unless its:

"my three month old made a sign proclaiming her hate for homo's"
or
"my one year old just told me to shut up and clean the kitchen, Adam didn't eat the forbidden fruit til women kind temped us, at least you can do is scrub that casserole dish"

Right, that kinda stuff would be epic, but no, we share weekly progress reports to the masses. Its not like your baby was the first to pull there crap out of there diaper and smear it all over the wall, it is not like a first step is THAT important, tell me when they take there final step after having to deal with 75 years of crushing defeat after crushing defeat. Well...guess what, it is kinda important. And I speak for every parent every where, its true, I have a signed affidavit stating so, I also have all your social security numbers, so get ready for some phone sex charges on credit cards you didn't know you had parents of the world...where was I?...oh, yeah, this shit is important because last week, the baby didn't do that. One week ago they laid on there backs with there waste taped to there bottoms, they made intangible nonsense with there teeth less mouths, they woke up every 3 hours. It is friggin insane when a baby goes from one week staring at you blankly, to the next recognizing you and calling you dada (i am fairly certain this hasn't happened to me yet).

I mean, what the hell did you do last week? Not learn the lesson that playing Bejeweled Blitz when you should be headed out the door will make you late for work? Not remember that Taco Bell only tastes good when your drunk or you haven't had it in 2 months? This friggin things are evolving. baby's are growing so fast it is making us look bad. In a weeks time we couldn't meet all the goals on our to do lists, and we are all ready "evolved' or "grown up". In a weeks time we will do nothing to improve our lives, and mostly do things to make our lives worse. Its wild, that is why parents tell you about the boring crap there kids do. because that shit is insane and waaay cooler then watching Law and Order marathons and promising yourself the diet will take next week, after you get one more bucket of KFC or whatever is hot on the streets now a days.

And speaking of expressions, we need to get on the baby chain, eff feelings. When we don't like something, lets start saying:

"naw, thats out man, I don't like it"
instead of
"WEEELLLLLLL, umm, maybe, but I don't really know, I am probably going to think about it"

Man, forget that, say no, say you aren't going out, do you really think your going to have a lasting negative effect on a person by shooting them straight. Honesty, don't be a dick, but don't be a subliminal dick by trying to not hurt the persons feelings. Come on ego maniac, you think you can ruins every ones day by disapproving of there ideas or actions, every day I am told no and tuned down, sure it phases me, phases me to up the anti, to make a better product to bring some better ideas or to just go to lunch alone, its ok, there will be around 500000 more lunches or something like that.

So lets be like baby's and where our emotions on our sleaves, I am sure it will get us all where we are destined to be, alone, eating lunch, the way god intended.

Enjoy your Turkey Holocaust, you little poultry Hitlers you.

Shall we dance

Ok, so I haven't had a potentially harmfull confrontation with a complete stranger in a long time. Maybe having a kid has taken me out of such situations...less frequently in those situations should I say, because I went to go see the band Dillinger Four and I was riding in a van from the house show to the bar show and some stranger was getting bummed and aggro that my knee kept touching his knee in a sardine packed clown van and when we finally arrived to our destination I grabbed his knees rubbed em real nice, told him to eat a dick and disappeared into a large crowd. But other than that occasion, no real hairy situations.

This was a semi common occurrence for a while lets say between 2003-2007 to be the prime lets try and fight Corey years. There was this huge, 40 year old gangster dude, like some Mexican Mafia or some silly street social club, in my electronic music class at Glendale Community College who wanted to fight me for making fun of him after he kept blowing me off about an assignment we had...long story, but I got the hell out of there after he stood up to throw down. There is the guy at Greenway Village Cocktail Lounge that wanted to stab me after I asked him to "meet me half way" (that's arm wrestle for you uncivilized, and he asked me to play pool, I said no, wanna meet me half way, no reason to want to stab some one)....(well, he also started talking about how he hates Mexicans and I started talking about how I love venereal disease and open sores....and if it wasn't for my brother in law who was in the middle of a knife fight standoff, I would probably have a couple gills). There is the guy I "accidental" flicked a lit cigarette on and it burnt a whole into his sweater and some old man wanted to test his mettle. There is the underling co-worker who tried to fight me for all the reasons above complied into 8 hours a day every day.

But anyway, yea, there are alot more examples, and quit frankly, boy am I glad I never actually got into Said fights, and I am glad that these situations are not occurring as much as they used to. I haven't actually thrown a fist in anger or whatever constitutes fighting know a days since I was 15 years old, so yea. Anyway, I am developing some sort of new perspective I think, I will run a battery of tests on myself, including and not limited to electro-shock, water boarding, hypno therapy, and starvation, see if I could come to some new level of enlightenment.

On another note, my sister and her boyfriend puked all over a couch I had and essentially ruined it, people either don't like my snarky signs or don't understand how toilets work and I have been so full of food since Saturday.

Real Talk tomorrow.