We Regret to Inform You

that we are all in the throws of either mutation into zombies or a nasty virus. Birthday week revisited will commence later.

¡Feliz cumpleaños! part 1

March 1-thru 7, famously known as birthday week came and happened. You missed it. We hired a astronaut to make balloon animals. Here are photos:

Hey whats the deal?

So...its 2011 huh. How did that happen? Apparently a lot has happened since we last spoke, and by apparently I mean, we think these things happened because a TV show told us they did. But really, FOX news, I mean, they got FOX in the name. They have movie studio magic behind them. CNN...you can't trust a southerner, MSNBC...never trust too many acronyms. Until a Libyan, if that is even a a country, I have never been there, never even met anyone claiming to be from there, tells me with signed and noted documents, that his/her country is in the throws of a civil war, I am going to be a skeptic. Its 2011 people, we got to draw a line in the sand.

What I do know as I lived it, breathed it, bathed in it, washed, folded, and carefully put away was Christmas, birthday week, and incredibly mediocre stories of fun. (oh, you all probably didn't get that telegraph, which is another thing 2011 is all about, antiquated technology, but 2011 is all about fun. Wild concept right!)

We are going to dust off this old time machine and blow your mind with what we have been up to. And trust me. Its going to be fun. (actually don't trust me, read the first paragraph. All of this could be lies. Photoshoped fairy tales.)

Eat Fresh

My first job that wasn't doing janitorial work with my folks on the side was at a sandwich establishment known for some dude loosing a lot of weight and bastardizing the good name of meat and bread. I was 15, I applied while my family was ordering some food, called in by the time we got home to eat said sub par food. I probably shouldn't have taken it. I remember a fellow by the name of Jeremy claiming some hair brained idea that all "real skaters" had to work at a. sandwich shop, he was wrong of course, but this kinda gave the job a sense of honor. Too bad I heard this years after the fact, but this was the first in my almost 10 years of perfecting the craft of.
sanwichery
My first day was a sunday, I showed up at 4 to help prep for the dinner rush. An acquaintance of mine's older sister was there as was the assistant manager (he had those rollerblade chocolate skates that had the Hershey's chocolate logo on the back of it, he was also from Michigan and lived across the street. He was lame)After an hour of folding slimy meat into trios and BM something or the others, the two before mentioned co-workers left, only to be replaced by this long hair dude smelling very musky. Hw was warned by the assistant manager to make sure I get trained right. He agreed and when they left he sat on the prep table and told me it was his last day and he didn't give a shit about anything.

OK. Well, my first day was to be trained by some dude whose job I was obviously replacing and he didn't give a shit. Can't be bad. Me and the dude go over our formalities and intros, and then right on cue in walks this girl with a pink stripe in her hair. He hops over the counter an d gives her a hug and they both come into the back room, he introduces her to me as his cousin and said its cool if she hangs. By the hugging and squeezing I was pretty convinced her had a very close family or this girl wasn't his cousin.

Long haired dude and his cousin turn up the radio and tell me to help any customers that come in, they are going to be in the freezer. UUUGGGHHHH, all right, I got this, I have no idea how to use the cash register, but I can make a sandwich, lets do this. I wait and wait and no one comes in, but the radio is really loud, and it was KUPD's "Into The Pit" which at this time played such cutting edge and alternative rock such as Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit, you know, before they were cool. If I had to sit here and be nervous I was changing the tunes, screw this guy and his cousin, who were probably screwing, but I digress. I change the station to the EDGJ Ska Punk Show.

Long haired dude emerges from the freezer that now smells like an arctic version of the musk that followed him in when he first arrived, him and his cousin have very bright red eyes. They pause for a minute, dude gets angry, but in a slow angry, and complains about me touching his radio. I explain how I did what I could to get by man, he doesn't jive, tells me to call the assistant manager, who I don't have the number for, and him and his cousin walk out, never to be scene again.'

Weird first day indeed.

here , in order, are my albums of the year. 2010.

Young Livers - Of Misery and Toil
Superchunk - Majesty Shredding
Coliseum - House with a curse
Torche - Songs For singles
Bison B.C. - Dark Ages
Rumspringer - Empty Towers
From Ashes Rise - Live Hell
NAILS - Unsilent Death
CAGEMATCH - S/T (I was just a fan then)

Best Albums Year End List

It’s nearing the end of 2010, so that means it’s list-making time. Yes, it’s a bit cliché but lists are fun. We all like to read them and rail against them.

So anyway, here is my favorite records of the year 1994. Just so you know, my personal music taste leans on the heavier, more aggressive side of the spectrum, but don’t be surprised if you see an indie or hip hop release mentioned. Also I was 12 in 1994, and I was listening to Green Day, Nirvana, and probally a little Guns and Roses and Metallica, none of these albums crossed my plate in 1994, this is a retro active diary. My take is if it’s good, it’s good, no matter the classification. Also, I’m not separating EPs from LPs, just to make it easy.

#1 Jawbreaker - 24 Hour Revenge Therapy.
The album that got jawbreaker a major label deal, this Steve Albini recorded "master piece" really sums this band up. It is more polished and catchy then the previous releases, but not as introverted as its successor, Dear You, it is Jawbreaker in a nutshell. It is also has a collection of some of my favorite songs ever on it.


#2 AVAIL - Dixie
Opened it up to be manly, caring and southern. All at once.


#3 Gravediggaz - 6 feet deep
this shit is tight.


#4 Weezer - Blue album
I thought this was so cool when it came out, it was a breath of fresh air from grungy stuff. In retrospect i only really like My Name is Jonas, but still a killer album for you there , 1994.


#5 NoFX - Punk in Drublic
So fast, so angry, so much better then anything before and after it.


Honorably Mentioned
Rancid - Lets Go
Pantera -Far Beyond Driven
Green Day - Dookie
Method Man - Tical

این افراد برای شما درشکه دو چرخه دو نفره

HEY...you have to hide your love away.

People get bummed alot. I know I do. I think its the amount of time your bummed compounded by the severity or said bum divided by how much you let being bummed become who you are (or affect your demeanor, but I like the become who you are phrase). I see the most amount of people being not hyped when I am either at work or at some ones work. And really, who likes slaving there life away for a false hope of something "better". I sure as shit don't. But I also don't like being bummed. If I hulked around all day being bummed and miserable (well I am miserable, but in a positive way, kinda like being sick, your sick and shitty, but you don't have to go to work and you get to sit around and not get dressed and relax, but your body is fighting if an infection, so your kinda miserable....maybe that analogy is a stretch...and off topic...well not off topic...but going int he wrong direction...maybe we should get back to the story at hand.....)

If I sulked around work all day being miserable and bummed then screw it. Might as well put a bullet in my head because guess what folks, we spend most our meaningless lives at work, buck up and make it the best you can. Because your bumming me out, and I will attack you. But seriously,I will attack you, and seriously, cheer the hell up, stop being so lame, I know you want to go back to bed but stupid work forced you to get up, guess what? I want to be water ski-ing while drinking champagne out of hollowed out Caribu tusks, but guess who didn't get to do that today...me! Not letting it bring me down, and you know that is a pretty incredible thing, your reason to be bummed was sleep, that shit happens every day of every year to every single person. And it WILL happen again, just make it thru this day and get home and jump in bed and sleep away the part of the day that your never going to be miserable because your only truly happy when your in your fantasy dream world where your hot and smart and well read and don't smell like an old coat and you are funny and be think your interesting. Yeah, the horrible sun will rise and you will have to go back to being a sinister bum out machine, but then after 8 grueling hours you can get back to your world where your only truly appreciated and can really be your self, cause god forbid you can really be nice and funny and smart and interesting at work, because that place SUCKS!

Hmmm...what else, oh, do you get angry about seasons greetings? Really? Do you collect old newspapers? Give me a break. I don't personally think some Jewish dude was born in a shed 2000 years ago this month, but I don't care, if for one month we can all be positive and festive and joyful and what the hell ever, then sign me the eff up, and if some one wants to say Season Greetings, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, I really don't give a shit, at least they aren't complaining about how shitty there life is and are being positive people and trying to make the day some what pleasant, even if it is under the pretense of a false idea. Being nice is awesome!

Merry Thursdays.

Booze Rulz

It has come to our attention people do not know how to drink. Take the retarded banning of energy alcohol, it just shows that givin bad choices, people will take them. I have no problem with energy booze. It is fine, not my preferred choice, but I have consumed several of these, and if you haven't, then you know drinking several and driving is about as good idea as lighting your self on fire then jumping in a pit full of cobras. But you know what else is equal to or greater then that? Drinking ANYTHING and driving. So yeah.

But this isn't about Four Loko, this is about the classier things in life. Real booze. You people are really blowing it. Lets break this down.

Beer:

Beer is an excellent gateway drug to pregnancy and a nice beverage to drink in every single occasion. But 99% of you are totally off track with it. Beer should not be treated the way the general populations treats it. If you look at your local grocers beer section what do you see? Endless budweiser red and coors silver mixed in with some miller yellow. Gross, puke, and blah. Lets break make this clearer.

How to Drink Beer.
If you are drinking a beer out of a bottle, and you are not on the beach drinking a corona as you skip rocks across the ocean, then you must poor that beer into a mug. Drinking beer out of a bottle may give you the sense of some vague form of airs, but its just a bottle, its not particularity easy to drink out of and its hardly ergonomically designed to fit in a human hand. Poor draft beers and bottles into a mug. Thats number one.
Number two - cans aren't trashy. Beer in a can stays cooler, and perfectly fits in the clutchs of the imbiber. AND "good" beers come in cans folks. Off the top of my head, Four Peaks Sunbru, Newcastle Brown Ale, New Belgium Fat Tire, they are out there, get them. Another great thing about cans, they compact and make less trash. Done and Done right!

What beer to Drink:
All this time/liver wasted on Bud/Miller/Coors. Stop it. That shit is priced waay to high for the garbage it is and its not good. Really, its not. Try a "craftier" brew like a hefeweizen or IPA or anything other then an American Lager, they are tastier. And price. DUDES! Budweiser 12 pack is like $15. A "lesser" qaulity discount beer 18 is usually around $10. IF YOU FEEL SO DESIRED TO DRINK CRUMMY WATERED DOWN CORPORATE BEER, then drink the cheap stuff, cuz really Miller Highlife is waay better then Budweiser. Milwaukee Best is waaay better then Coors Original, Natural Light murders Miller Light. Take the challenge, the cheap guys kill the big dogs.

So, to recollect the info, cheap and craft beers, no middle of the road staples. Cans over bottles, mugs over all. Got it. i don't want to go to your BBQ and see you drinking bottles of Bud Light. Got it?

Liquor:

This industry is almost as effed up as the US economy. People treat booze as some sort of special occasion or lets get drunk as fast as possible item. Its has been abused and undervalued for way to long. People, stop mixing your drinks with gross soda and stop shooting candy flavored drinks, are you an adult drinking or a little kid?

How to drink booze.
This gets a lil more complicated then can or bottle or mug. But lets tackle whiskey, because rum is for sailors and vodka for Europeans. This all depends on what type whisky you are drinking. In some scenarios, a soda additive is fully acceptable, diabetes on the other hand is your call. If you drinking a bourbon or a Kentucky whisky, see Jim Beam and Jack Daniels, then put that stuff in soda. Better yet, put it in a nice ginger ale. If your in the woods, all bets are off, it has to be straight. But we aren't talking woods here.
If your drinking a higher grade Canadian whiskey, lets say Crown Royal. Never ever ever ever put soda in that. EVER. Save your money and buy some old crow and add a litter of RC or whatever, but if your drinking Crown Royal, no. Drink it neat. Its a sipping whisky, drink it in a large shot glass, no ice, no soda. Sip it, its good, its warm, its delicious.
Are you drinking scotch? Then get that on the rocks, chill it down and let some of the water delude the taste. Again no soda. If your drinking a blended scotch, you may want to skip the ice, the melting water will only accent the crappier whiskey they used in the blend (see crown royal)

Oh and while we are at chilling it with ice. NEVER put your booze in the freezer. EVER, its chemistry and science speaking here, not me. Keep in room temp.

What booze to drink.
If your shipping, drink whiskey, a blended Canadian or a single malt scotch. If your mixing, American whiskey. If your shooting it, what ever is cheapest. If vodka is in play, and its cheap vodka, add whatever juice you love or energy drink. If its gin your drinking, straight or with a kiss of ginger BEER (not ale) Again, rum is for sailors. The girly mix drinks that have a cocktail of a million things, that is in your court. I don't subscribe to those. My cocktail limit is three ingredients MAX. and I consider Ice an ingredient.

So folks. Take my advice and try taking some pride it what we put in our bodies, I mean none of this shit is good for you, so might as well make it enjoyable/classy/interesting.

More later on this topic...goodnight now!