We gonna talk about vampires.
Yeah, I know, we at the Rial Blog Spam Mail/Greeting Card Generation Facility don't like vampires, bla bla bla, you have heard it all before. But you know what? They are still very very gay. But you now what is also gay (as in homoerotic)? Gladiators. And gladiators trump vampires. Now what makes this new trend of undead blood drinking annoy me so much, is that A) vampires now have day jobs at bars and grills and B) they are totally effeminate and pussy. Now on the flip side, gladiators are so manly, so ripped, so naked, that they are on the opposite side of the spectrum of gay. And that is the kinda guilty tv/movie pleasure I can get behind. over the top, muscle bound greased up dudes pretending to want to bang chicks but really if push came to shove, they would choose the companionship of there close brothers in arms (and equally muscled out greased up dude)
What sparks this gladiator interest you ask, kinda random? Nope. Spartacus: Blood and Sand on Netflix StarzPlay. The full season is up and oh boy is it great. Its like the movie 300 only with worse actors and special effects that aren't quit as good. Oh and alot of nudity, male and female. Now nudity really isn't nudity until a wang shows up, then you know your watching some Grade A programing. There is a scale i judge nudity on and with out getting too specific, full frontal male = hilarious, totally appropriate/inappropriate, equal exploitation of man and women, letting it all hang out. Any way, back to Spartucus: Blood and Sand, from here on out referred to as S:BS. This show is so over the top, like slow motion simulated sex scenes following 5 mintues of slow motion simulated fight scenes with CG blood flying every where followed by long shots of muscle bound dudes and a topless Lucy Lawless followed by more slow motion simulated sex scenes and immediately coupled with slow motion simulated fight scenes. SOUNDS BADASS RIGHT!
The producers of this show really tapped in to what we all sit thru boring movies (well boring now that the bar has been raised by S:BS) movies such as Gladiator, Terminator 3, Maid In Manhattan. The gore, sex and violence and nudity, both male and female. Forget plot line or having to think about historical ramifications or even think about why half the gladiators have crew cuts and the women have groomed body hair, just instantly gratify our sense with over the top and slow motion violence/sex. On a side note, if ancient Rome was really a constant orgy, how did anything get done, I mean they made love AND war, I always thought you had to choose between one or the other. guess that is why they were a empire for like 4 billion years (right?)
Any way, I recommend this show for its unintentional comedy, baddass fight scenes, numbing nudity. You now, when the first boob shows up your looking around like your parents are going to yell at you, then after a half hour of there always being a boob your totally numb to the fact that there is a boob and you half expect the grocery store and other places to be like that, yeah this is one of those shows.
I would talk about Penelope's cute things she does, but I have mentioned the word boob twice, so that negates any talk of my child in this post, I have already said too much as it is.
Dang a lang a ding dong
5 years ago