He's a killaaah!

Well, its several weeks and counting til the big day, that's right, the day they shut my cable off. In an effort in this weak economy to try and stick it to the media tyrants Cox, I will be no longer subscribing to their lies and celebrity gossip. (actually, Sarah will be out of work for a while and that is the only thing we can cut, but with the advent of play it now on Netflix, an increased Netflix load, Hulu, the major networks providing the shows online and youtube, plus a 25ft RCA cable and a firewire A/V out, my day should still be filled with "How I met Your Mother", "Mad Men", and "The Soup" again) But this brings me to the greatest loss, the TNT marathons (no not Law and Order, scene em' all, it was one of the ten things I do before I die lists, and I am one more line closer to dying) but the somewhat excellent multi sequel movie marathons I will miss. Last weekend they played all the Rocky movies. There will pro bally, I am talking 89%, I will never rent all the Rocky movies, its not that I don't like them, I do, but never will I be motivated to rent them/download/re-in act them in consecutive order. I will miss this option. And with that preface I will jump into my beef with the Rocky series.

The Rocky series starts with the best of the sextet, Rocky. Although the movie contains realistic elements and is set in a believable arena, it is essentially a fairy tale about a down-and-out pugilist who gets a chance at the fight of a lifetime, and, at the same time, wins the girl. Rocky certainly didn't invent all the sports movie cliche's , they were around long before the mid-'70s - but it applied them in a way that captivated audiences and didn't seem over-the-top. Since 1976, nearly every film featuring a big sports comeback and triumph has been inspired by and/or compared to Rocky, regardless of whether it involves boxing or not. Some say its a metaphor for Sly's entry into the acting world, but that some people are Rick and I don't trust anything I don't tell him, so thats that. Any way, its a good movie, you have the love interest, the coming of age, the prince and poper stuff, all good stuff.

Then we get to Rocky 2. A continuation of were Rocky left off, a dumb, human, greasy Rocky who is tyring to melt into the world of not pro boxing. He gets excited about the cold hearted Adrians pregnancy, he sells his car to the sleezy Paulie and creates a real element to the whole situation. He shoots commercials, but understands he isn't part of that world, he is blue collar, he is street he is a dumb boxer. He gets with crass trainer Mickey again to fight Apollo Creed, mostly to pay his bills. A good continuation of the drama and human elements created in Rocky (I write all this with the understanding that the reader knows the fight scenes are retarded. What boxing match consists of solely taking punches to the face on both sides, but I digress.)

Now, here is where the series goes over the top and starts sucking the ass of sequel hell. Rocky 3 enters with a rich, bad 80's hair do and a wrestling match with Hulk Hogan. This right here starts the theme of What the Eff!!!! Really, we bring Rocky and Adrian back to life to have them wrestle Hulk Hogan? Ok, didn't someone send Sly a memo that he was 4'7" and 200 lbs smaller than the hulkster? And then Rocky gets the statue and then Clubber Lang shows up. As a fan of Mr. T, I enjoyed HIS performance, his one liners, his looks, his bulge, all good. But the weird animosity between Mickey and him, plus Mickeys death (we get some of the best Mickey quotes in this movie, un fortunately) Then the homo erotic beach scene with Apollo as he steps in as Rocky trainer, plus the god damn "Eye of the Tiger"....all suck. then Rocky rope a dopes Clubber, by getting his ass kicked for three rounds then gets into a fifth gear and beating the hell out of clubber? Really? Gay.

So, as the Rocky series as progressed from a great sports movie to a parody of its self we get Rocky 4. I don't hate Rocky 4 as much as three for several elements. the unintentional comedy is unchecked, the socio-politcal elements are excellent, Dolph Lundgren is a fine specimen of human mass and the Red Sonja chick is hot. We all probally now Rocky 4 the best, robots, Apollo's death, questionable Russian training tactics, Rocky hauling logs in Siberia, and of course following his victory, Rocky gives an impassioned speech to the crowd, acknowledging their initial and mutual disdain for each other, and how they've come to respect and admire each other during the fight. Saying that the brutal battle between him and Drago in the ring was better than war between their two countries, he brings the crowd, including the Politburo, to its feet in applause, by claiming that "if I can change... and you can change... everybody can change!"

I have skipped the rest of the series, people tell me Balboa was good, but these people are Rynn and he likes Casey jacobson as a starting shooting guard and the television show Charmed, so that's that. Any way, the series is sorta like a metaphor for art. it needs to be static, it needs change and chaos or we get a steady decline into bull shit, forced fed nonsense. See all the horror remakes ie:Texas chainsaw massacre or the New Friday the 13th (note to producers, Jason wasn't the killer in the first movie, and he didn't wear the mask until Friday 13 3) As this is a "Rial" blog, Sarah also agrees with me whole heart idly, she said so as I ranted this for about an hour as she gave her self a facial and I think possibly slept.

Speaking of Sarah, she is excited that Obama is the president. Not because she voted for him or thinks he is anything more than another bullshit politician, but because he will be our child's Ronald Reagan, and he is a better choice for that then John Mccain, you know, because of the black thing. By our kids Ronald Reagan we mean he is the first president we vaguely remember and that is somehow special. Sarah has been having some pretty hard contractions, take your breathe away style contractions, but nothing too close together. She bought some strappy, latched home brewed milk container bra things, I guess to ease the breast feeding mechanics. She got them at some Scottsdale Maternity Boutique for half the price Babies R ripoff charges. Next to restaurant food and gas, baby stuff is the worlds biggest racket. Maybe college texts books are, so scratch that, it goes Textbooks, restaurant food, Gas, Insurance, then baby stuff.

UUMMMM......I think that's it.
"they drew first blood" (radio out)

If it wasn't for...well something that ends in curtains.

In Sarahs first week of the sweat shop guild she has completed chamber's 1-4: breaking the sewing machine and sewing curtains. With a nod to the high end designers at the boutique called target, Sarah has transformed our baby room into a circle patterned show case, a abit of a turn from its former state of "everything that can possible be white is white".





To pitch in my effort in making the child's room more tolerable than my own I have began a campaign of creating crappy paintings of animals than if I were to purchase at a store would cost more than the $3 canvas and $12 pain set and make me feel totally ripped of on the outcome of the product.















Notice the technique used by the masters, the stoke, the attention to detail, the ability to humanize an octopus, brilliant indeed. next up, a bald eagle, a zebra, the earth, and a modern art work yet to be decided. Oh and a guitar, a skateboard, and a bike.

So with less than a month til take off, we are still undecided on a name, undecided on a religion, I am thinking raise the kid wiccan Sarah is leaning towards libertarian. But we are getting pumped, me because my legacy and heritage shall continue and the laws of primogeniture will invoke, and Sarah so she can quit being huge and house like. (a building where people live, not the television medical drama starring hugh laurie). I want to o watch The Wrestle, but Sarah has no interest, so I might make it a solo mission, but I hear movies are few and far between so I must act quick. Sarah is washing all the uni-sex clothing and prepping the babies room for its arrival, she calls it nesting, i call it Boring, but the verdict is still out. We shall stay a little more up to date around her as everyday is bringing newer and grander surprises and stories (not really, but i have a new years resolution to not quit anything until at least two lunar cycles, so you have me til February8 at the soonest.)

Til the time comes again, I bid you a do.

Dos Dub-0 Nueve pt 2.

Hola y bienvenidos, I have returned and am un scathed from the frozen plains and have more incredible mind shattering news to bestow upon you, and by "mind shattering" I mean my normal life and by "news" I mean boring stories of my week.

So picking up where I left off, Nebraska. Me and my sister Amy flew out Wednesday night, watched some Chuck and Monk episodes on the flop down TV monitors United Airlines has and arrived in -15 degree weather in Omaha Nebraska. It was so cold I couldn't breath and was pretty sure that a gas leak had occurred and I was seconds away from a fiery death (which would have been welcomed in such extreme cold.) but my sister let me know that it is just cold and she then reminded me I have a male reproductive organ and to act accordingly. We went to the funeral at 11 the next day and it had crept up to -8 or something, so it wasn't cut open a dead Tauntaun and crawl inside cold, but more maybe I don't need to go outside to smoke today cold. The church, St Cecilia's Cathedral (much like Ohioans refer to the college as THE Ohio State, this place is referred to as THE Cathedral). A cavernous place that made want to believe in a bearded lightning bolt wielder by its sheer intimidation. I will hand it to the Catholics, they can build some serious churches, why did they stop this practice?, I felt like I was in the Vatican, but alas I was in Omaha Nebraska, genius I say. Here is a link, this place is incredible, its HUUGE! Saint Cecelia's Cathedral Pictures, open in new tab!

On a quick side note, several people I spoke to told me it is like when it is 120 in Phoenix and people are out and about, well no, it is not, 120 you stay in the shade, get some water and chill, -anything you get on a plane and get the eff out. But I guess you get used to it, I like Omaha, I think it is a cool and not backwater-ish town, I would like to get to know the place more, but I m west coast til I die mother effer's, seriously, I have some gang affiliations that do not allow me to cross the great divide or whatever it is called that makes the water flow east or west.

So, I bear-ed some pall, ate the zombie body of Christ, and went to my uncles place, sweet digs I saw, very cozy and "liberal" if that can be used to describe someones house. At some food, mingled, and then shoved off for my return home. While there I got to wear a suit with leather gloves and an overcoat and a beanie and looked very east coast fashionable, I like the opportunity so I kept the gear on for the plane and I was defiantly treated differently, some dude and I had a discussion about the pros and cons of not flying business class on trips, I was full of shit, he was a D-bag, it was great.

So, the wife, she felt ill most the past couple days and has the better part of this week off to relax and recuperate. She is growing increasing uncomfortable as her body prepares to push a new life into this world. I am totally down for a surrogate next time, she says no, what a sadomasochist. We have been setting up the babies room, we are putting the crib up today, I think that will make Sarah feel more at ease. She is exciting to start doing motherly things like make curtains with here new sewing machine, and she has all these fairy tale stories to read the child. Now if she would only clean the kitchen and make me dinner....(she does, Sarah actually cleaned the living hell out of the house the other day, reversing the weeks chiropractor work, again what a sadomasochist.)

I spoke with you all earlier about the beard for baby, well that died a horrible death the other day. I got a funny Mario brothers style look:



a Dude-ly / gay guy look:


And I got a bunch others, but those can all be chronicled on my Myspace and or Facebook found linked at the bottom of this site.

Tonight we have some celebrating for Hannas birthday, which should really be the last public appearance of the dual Rials, as Sarah can handle too much anymore. She got her hair cut, by the way, and while I am a huge supporter of the long female mane, the shorter do will be ok for now,easier for her to handle. She required me to add "The Women" o the netflix que, and it has sat on our coffee table for over a week, so our priority's for the next 5 weeks are to get that damn movie out, do everything we can to prepare for baby, save money for some type of smart phone, get my car emmisioned and anxiously await the new propaghandi/birth of our child. So i may of lost track of myself somewhere on here some where,the next post will have alot more Sarah picks and stories, i swear, but i am done for now...its been a slice, til next time....

Dos Dub-0 Nueve pt 1.

So it has been a while since we last spoke, it is my fault, sorry to leave you all hanging' and by you all I am assuming the 5 friends or whatever they are calling it to the right of this post are the only people that read this. It has been mildly crazy over the past 10 days, I had inventory at the eastern euro body odor brewery and worked 120 hours over the past two weeks. Sarah had a baby shower, got a note from the doc to not work overtime and New Years eve came and went, my grandmother in Nebraska passed away and I discovered a lumpy tissue build up on my chronically pained left wrist...shits not tight.

So lets dive right in: New years.
Bens wife and all around great person Hanna hosted a gala at her mothers home. She had my band, Said Gun, Ricks band Merman Boner, and The Platt brother musical co-habitation "Thursday night band" play, and plenty of vodka drinks were provided. On a quick side tangent, I purchased some "moon shine" or corn whiskey from some mega booze retailer for Ben/Nick birthday over Christmas. At nicks party, which was flooded with Chilada's, the Budlight clamato mix that me and Rynn purchased for the brothers Norris, I decided it would be delicious if I added some 'shine to the Chilada, and called it Clamshine and hyped it up beyond belief. People would drink it, gag, and then regret ever meeting me. Fast forward one week and we have a hotdog/ben party again at Rynns, and the AJJ dudes show up with some kinda whiskey they were calling the "Dew". (it is a known fact that Tillamore Dew is "the dew" and not whatever whiskey they had) To enlighten these folks on the use of whiskey as an additive to anything, we would combine sauerkraut juice and whiskey with a few kraut pulps, and sell it like it was good. That drink is called the whiskey-tini. So now fast forward another week. Its New Years, and Hanna and here bar tending brother are making "Mad Dogs" (great by the way) and "buffalo hair" or something like that. Well, the corn whiskey makes its appearance again, and this time it is in shot form, let me introduce the "small intestine". It is corn whiskey, hot sauce and some gross looking egg based liquor that settles in the bottom and resembles the bowls of a small mammal. i didn't have it, but I am sure it was gross.

Anyway, the bands played, you can check a video out on our myspace www.myspace.com/437920585 , Ben is converting the rest for youtube enjoyment. The wife had a bottle of sparkling Lemon aide, which was delicious until Rick ran off with it and drank 48%, after that it wasn't the same, we went home 12:15 ish I think as the pregnant one gets tired easy (what a wuss right?)

So moving on in this epic update, my grandmother Josephine (Joe) passed away Jan 11th and I will be flying out to the reverse hell that is Omaha Nebraska on Wednesday night, paying respects, getting frost bite and flying home Thursday night. There is a high of 4 for that day so I am very pumped on seeing my breather freeze then shatter at my frozen to the cemetery feet. On a bit of big ups to G-ma, Grandma Joe was the "mean" grandma, mean as in older and not as agile as my other grandma, but me and Sarah went out and stayed with her several years ago and it was a life changing experience. I would rate that up with the first time I heard Bad Religions suffer, pushed my first skateboard, kissed my wife for the first time, saw Leatherface live, and ate Indian Fry bread. Me and Sarah were very charmed and impressed by my fathers mother, and don't care what anyone says, grandma Joe is a very cool and inspiring lass. May her what ever it is that leaves your body when you die find happiness, if in fact what ever it is that leaves your body when you die can feel things, when it goes to were ever it is that it goes.

Alright next, my wrist which I have had diagnosed by the most un professional and un qualified people as Carpel tunnel syndrome, as suddenly emerged with some sort of growth, which isn't very exciting. but what is is Sarah's, and by default mine, baby shower went off with out a hitch and provided us with all we need. My personal faves are the converse, the panda eared beanie and the dude-esq diaper bag. the theme was carnival and it had games and photo booths and apparently hotdogs and other great things, Sarah was soooo excited and happy. Thanks to all and to all...til Friday when I recap the rest of this yarn of delight and this 2009.

For times long gone (Auld Layne Sange)

So me and the Mrs have come up with a best of 2008 year end list, here it is:

Best New TV show (to us)

A)How I met your Mother. Hilarious, We discovered this gem of a Monday night show a season or two into it, and haven't been more thrilled. The premise is kinda stale now, because the storey of how this guy met the mother of his kids has been long winded and convoluted, but funny non the less. Allyson Hanigan is making up for all those "movies" movies she has been crapping out. (see date movie and its ilk) and the dude from forgetting Sarah Marshall us the comedy anti with his willing ness to show full frontal, which in our book is the funniest thing you can possible do. And Doogie is pretty funny also.

B) Mad Men. The show is really about nothing, but not in a Seinfeld way, its between the lines. Plus the busty red head is captivating. And that one girls lame bangs hair cut. Gonna work OT just to be able to have cable when this thing comes back.

Best Party:

Thanksgiving. Sarah and I pride our selves in a kick ass and legendary (fake) turkey day. This year was the pin ultimate event, it may have something to do with the energy from a canceled wedding, or the 4 bottles of whisky, Hanna's friend juice, the Four Maxed, big red apologizing, Nick and Tyler's beef, or it could be the Rials know how to throw a party, either way, shit was tight.

Best News for 2009:

Speaking of Four Maxed, Miller and the other big beer names have decided to remove the caffeine from their energy drink hybrids (Sparks, Be, Tilt) while this sucks on the hand that these drinks rule, it is excellent that it will no longer be an available options being that I plan on not dying from a heart attack/diabetes/liver failure in 2009. But, on a side note, they just started selling Joose here in the PHX and for those who aren't in the know, that is 24 ounces of caffeine and 10% malt drinkage....

Best bands I don't really get:

Fucked Up and The Gaslight Anthem. While i understand that they are both decent bands, I don't really get the hype, they aren't earth shattering, good, but not cream you under droors and high five good. Speaking of Droors, remember that clothing company, I haven't thought of them in about 6 years.

Best Beer that I have always loved:

Miller Highlife. The champagne of beers was my go to beer in the early days of alcahol imbibing. I lost my ways with Blue Moons and Pabst, never fully realizing that not only is this beer delicious, its cheap and has more alcohol than the other cheaps, and is delicious and comes in 12 packs, 30 racks tall cans and 32. No excuse to not drink this stuff. MGD by the way is gross, and all it is is triple filter HighLife, don't mess with whats good Miller.

Best Vacation

The May trip out to Los Angeles with Rynn to go see buddies. It was very relaxing, even though I pro bally suffered blunt force trauma from some waves, I haven't spent that much time in the ocean since I was a wee little lad, the food was great, the African American diner, the organic breakfast place, the Taco bell, plus I saw Leatherface in Hollywood and completely changed how I feel about certain things. (ie: Leatherface is friggin awesome and that is that)

Best Youtube clip

Danzig/Shakira Mash up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHv3qO_Y8kk
Three words...the Wolf howling.

Best Surprise

The kid.

Best Friends

All our friends (corny, yes, but true, so eat a dick)

That is it. List are lame, and this is getting old to us, Happy New Year and hope to see all of you soon, and get ready because the arrival of our kid may or may not create a vortex entry into the pits of hell, it could happen.