Monday, December 13, 2010

Eat Fresh

My first job that wasn't doing janitorial work with my folks on the side was at a sandwich establishment known for some dude loosing a lot of weight and bastardizing the good name of meat and bread. I was 15, I applied while my family was ordering some food, called in by the time we got home to eat said sub par food. I probably shouldn't have taken it. I remember a fellow by the name of Jeremy claiming some hair brained idea that all "real skaters" had to work at a. sandwich shop, he was wrong of course, but this kinda gave the job a sense of honor. Too bad I heard this years after the fact, but this was the first in my almost 10 years of perfecting the craft of.
My first day was a sunday, I showed up at 4 to help prep for the dinner rush. An acquaintance of mine's older sister was there as was the assistant manager (he had those rollerblade chocolate skates that had the Hershey's chocolate logo on the back of it, he was also from Michigan and lived across the street. He was lame)After an hour of folding slimy meat into trios and BM something or the others, the two before mentioned co-workers left, only to be replaced by this long hair dude smelling very musky. Hw was warned by the assistant manager to make sure I get trained right. He agreed and when they left he sat on the prep table and told me it was his last day and he didn't give a shit about anything.

OK. Well, my first day was to be trained by some dude whose job I was obviously replacing and he didn't give a shit. Can't be bad. Me and the dude go over our formalities and intros, and then right on cue in walks this girl with a pink stripe in her hair. He hops over the counter an d gives her a hug and they both come into the back room, he introduces her to me as his cousin and said its cool if she hangs. By the hugging and squeezing I was pretty convinced her had a very close family or this girl wasn't his cousin.

Long haired dude and his cousin turn up the radio and tell me to help any customers that come in, they are going to be in the freezer. UUUGGGHHHH, all right, I got this, I have no idea how to use the cash register, but I can make a sandwich, lets do this. I wait and wait and no one comes in, but the radio is really loud, and it was KUPD's "Into The Pit" which at this time played such cutting edge and alternative rock such as Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit, you know, before they were cool. If I had to sit here and be nervous I was changing the tunes, screw this guy and his cousin, who were probably screwing, but I digress. I change the station to the EDGJ Ska Punk Show.

Long haired dude emerges from the freezer that now smells like an arctic version of the musk that followed him in when he first arrived, him and his cousin have very bright red eyes. They pause for a minute, dude gets angry, but in a slow angry, and complains about me touching his radio. I explain how I did what I could to get by man, he doesn't jive, tells me to call the assistant manager, who I don't have the number for, and him and his cousin walk out, never to be scene again.'

Weird first day indeed.

here , in order, are my albums of the year. 2010.

Young Livers - Of Misery and Toil
Superchunk - Majesty Shredding
Coliseum - House with a curse
Torche - Songs For singles
Bison B.C. - Dark Ages
Rumspringer - Empty Towers
From Ashes Rise - Live Hell
NAILS - Unsilent Death
CAGEMATCH - S/T (I was just a fan then)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Best Albums Year End List

It’s nearing the end of 2010, so that means it’s list-making time. Yes, it’s a bit cliché but lists are fun. We all like to read them and rail against them.

So anyway, here is my favorite records of the year 1994. Just so you know, my personal music taste leans on the heavier, more aggressive side of the spectrum, but don’t be surprised if you see an indie or hip hop release mentioned. Also I was 12 in 1994, and I was listening to Green Day, Nirvana, and probally a little Guns and Roses and Metallica, none of these albums crossed my plate in 1994, this is a retro active diary. My take is if it’s good, it’s good, no matter the classification. Also, I’m not separating EPs from LPs, just to make it easy.

#1 Jawbreaker - 24 Hour Revenge Therapy.
The album that got jawbreaker a major label deal, this Steve Albini recorded "master piece" really sums this band up. It is more polished and catchy then the previous releases, but not as introverted as its successor, Dear You, it is Jawbreaker in a nutshell. It is also has a collection of some of my favorite songs ever on it.

#2 AVAIL - Dixie
Opened it up to be manly, caring and southern. All at once.

#3 Gravediggaz - 6 feet deep
this shit is tight.

#4 Weezer - Blue album
I thought this was so cool when it came out, it was a breath of fresh air from grungy stuff. In retrospect i only really like My Name is Jonas, but still a killer album for you there , 1994.

#5 NoFX - Punk in Drublic
So fast, so angry, so much better then anything before and after it.

Honorably Mentioned
Rancid - Lets Go
Pantera -Far Beyond Driven
Green Day - Dookie
Method Man - Tical

این افراد برای شما درشکه دو چرخه دو نفره

Thursday, December 9, 2010 have to hide your love away.

People get bummed alot. I know I do. I think its the amount of time your bummed compounded by the severity or said bum divided by how much you let being bummed become who you are (or affect your demeanor, but I like the become who you are phrase). I see the most amount of people being not hyped when I am either at work or at some ones work. And really, who likes slaving there life away for a false hope of something "better". I sure as shit don't. But I also don't like being bummed. If I hulked around all day being bummed and miserable (well I am miserable, but in a positive way, kinda like being sick, your sick and shitty, but you don't have to go to work and you get to sit around and not get dressed and relax, but your body is fighting if an infection, so your kinda miserable....maybe that analogy is a stretch...and off topic...well not off topic...but going int he wrong direction...maybe we should get back to the story at hand.....)

If I sulked around work all day being miserable and bummed then screw it. Might as well put a bullet in my head because guess what folks, we spend most our meaningless lives at work, buck up and make it the best you can. Because your bumming me out, and I will attack you. But seriously,I will attack you, and seriously, cheer the hell up, stop being so lame, I know you want to go back to bed but stupid work forced you to get up, guess what? I want to be water ski-ing while drinking champagne out of hollowed out Caribu tusks, but guess who didn't get to do that! Not letting it bring me down, and you know that is a pretty incredible thing, your reason to be bummed was sleep, that shit happens every day of every year to every single person. And it WILL happen again, just make it thru this day and get home and jump in bed and sleep away the part of the day that your never going to be miserable because your only truly happy when your in your fantasy dream world where your hot and smart and well read and don't smell like an old coat and you are funny and be think your interesting. Yeah, the horrible sun will rise and you will have to go back to being a sinister bum out machine, but then after 8 grueling hours you can get back to your world where your only truly appreciated and can really be your self, cause god forbid you can really be nice and funny and smart and interesting at work, because that place SUCKS!

Hmmm...what else, oh, do you get angry about seasons greetings? Really? Do you collect old newspapers? Give me a break. I don't personally think some Jewish dude was born in a shed 2000 years ago this month, but I don't care, if for one month we can all be positive and festive and joyful and what the hell ever, then sign me the eff up, and if some one wants to say Season Greetings, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, I really don't give a shit, at least they aren't complaining about how shitty there life is and are being positive people and trying to make the day some what pleasant, even if it is under the pretense of a false idea. Being nice is awesome!

Merry Thursdays.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Booze Rulz

It has come to our attention people do not know how to drink. Take the retarded banning of energy alcohol, it just shows that givin bad choices, people will take them. I have no problem with energy booze. It is fine, not my preferred choice, but I have consumed several of these, and if you haven't, then you know drinking several and driving is about as good idea as lighting your self on fire then jumping in a pit full of cobras. But you know what else is equal to or greater then that? Drinking ANYTHING and driving. So yeah.

But this isn't about Four Loko, this is about the classier things in life. Real booze. You people are really blowing it. Lets break this down.


Beer is an excellent gateway drug to pregnancy and a nice beverage to drink in every single occasion. But 99% of you are totally off track with it. Beer should not be treated the way the general populations treats it. If you look at your local grocers beer section what do you see? Endless budweiser red and coors silver mixed in with some miller yellow. Gross, puke, and blah. Lets break make this clearer.

How to Drink Beer.
If you are drinking a beer out of a bottle, and you are not on the beach drinking a corona as you skip rocks across the ocean, then you must poor that beer into a mug. Drinking beer out of a bottle may give you the sense of some vague form of airs, but its just a bottle, its not particularity easy to drink out of and its hardly ergonomically designed to fit in a human hand. Poor draft beers and bottles into a mug. Thats number one.
Number two - cans aren't trashy. Beer in a can stays cooler, and perfectly fits in the clutchs of the imbiber. AND "good" beers come in cans folks. Off the top of my head, Four Peaks Sunbru, Newcastle Brown Ale, New Belgium Fat Tire, they are out there, get them. Another great thing about cans, they compact and make less trash. Done and Done right!

What beer to Drink:
All this time/liver wasted on Bud/Miller/Coors. Stop it. That shit is priced waay to high for the garbage it is and its not good. Really, its not. Try a "craftier" brew like a hefeweizen or IPA or anything other then an American Lager, they are tastier. And price. DUDES! Budweiser 12 pack is like $15. A "lesser" qaulity discount beer 18 is usually around $10. IF YOU FEEL SO DESIRED TO DRINK CRUMMY WATERED DOWN CORPORATE BEER, then drink the cheap stuff, cuz really Miller Highlife is waay better then Budweiser. Milwaukee Best is waaay better then Coors Original, Natural Light murders Miller Light. Take the challenge, the cheap guys kill the big dogs.

So, to recollect the info, cheap and craft beers, no middle of the road staples. Cans over bottles, mugs over all. Got it. i don't want to go to your BBQ and see you drinking bottles of Bud Light. Got it?


This industry is almost as effed up as the US economy. People treat booze as some sort of special occasion or lets get drunk as fast as possible item. Its has been abused and undervalued for way to long. People, stop mixing your drinks with gross soda and stop shooting candy flavored drinks, are you an adult drinking or a little kid?

How to drink booze.
This gets a lil more complicated then can or bottle or mug. But lets tackle whiskey, because rum is for sailors and vodka for Europeans. This all depends on what type whisky you are drinking. In some scenarios, a soda additive is fully acceptable, diabetes on the other hand is your call. If you drinking a bourbon or a Kentucky whisky, see Jim Beam and Jack Daniels, then put that stuff in soda. Better yet, put it in a nice ginger ale. If your in the woods, all bets are off, it has to be straight. But we aren't talking woods here.
If your drinking a higher grade Canadian whiskey, lets say Crown Royal. Never ever ever ever put soda in that. EVER. Save your money and buy some old crow and add a litter of RC or whatever, but if your drinking Crown Royal, no. Drink it neat. Its a sipping whisky, drink it in a large shot glass, no ice, no soda. Sip it, its good, its warm, its delicious.
Are you drinking scotch? Then get that on the rocks, chill it down and let some of the water delude the taste. Again no soda. If your drinking a blended scotch, you may want to skip the ice, the melting water will only accent the crappier whiskey they used in the blend (see crown royal)

Oh and while we are at chilling it with ice. NEVER put your booze in the freezer. EVER, its chemistry and science speaking here, not me. Keep in room temp.

What booze to drink.
If your shipping, drink whiskey, a blended Canadian or a single malt scotch. If your mixing, American whiskey. If your shooting it, what ever is cheapest. If vodka is in play, and its cheap vodka, add whatever juice you love or energy drink. If its gin your drinking, straight or with a kiss of ginger BEER (not ale) Again, rum is for sailors. The girly mix drinks that have a cocktail of a million things, that is in your court. I don't subscribe to those. My cocktail limit is three ingredients MAX. and I consider Ice an ingredient.

So folks. Take my advice and try taking some pride it what we put in our bodies, I mean none of this shit is good for you, so might as well make it enjoyable/classy/interesting.

More later on this topic...goodnight now!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Whats so civil about war anyway?

All is fair

So the crack game of chance fair game sharks known as the Rial Blog Night on the Town Blitz Package went to the Arizona State Fair this weekend. We ate 37 deep fried sticks of butter and shared one massive turkey (ostrich) leg. We suffered several cardiac arrests on the sky buckets.

Anyway. 1/3 rd of our crack investigative flag foot ball team isn't so hyped on the fair. 1/3rd is incredibly hyped on the fair. And the other 1/3rd is a pre toddler (like pre teen, tween, its twad, you will see this in the up coming Babies R' US catalog, coming in time from Christmas) So as 2/3rds of us took in the high culture of the fair, the remaining 1/3rd hung out with old ladies in a trailer park. BIG THANK YOU to Encanto Trailer Court for doing us that solid last minute, you guys will be getting a fruit cake for Kwanzaa, this is fact.

So, not wanting to pay the extortionist-esque high prices for parking, we quickly pulled into the first $5 lot we could find. It was manned by a battalion of grizzled homeless dudes. Which was actually pretty cool, more on them later. We walked thru the prize cow/ future hamburgers of America exhibit and into the boiling mess that is the fair grounds. We saw your standard fair crowd, girls who will be mothers by this time next year, couples on dates, gothic kids, gang members, families, street walking cheetahs, the standard. We strolled the alleys and looked at the amateur collect exhibits, took some photos in a photo booth, explored the bowels of the Mad House on McDowell, which was very cool.

Now, please know that we are die hard fans of the Association. The band and the national basketball association. So this place holds alot in our hearts. I (corey) have scene my fair share of Suns games there. Two stand outs were the Showtime Lakers and the Portland Tailblazers. I have also spent a fair amount of time in the parking lot scalping tickets with my dad, which wasn't so rad, but still a bonding moments none the less. Anyway, the place is ancient, and the lounge that I am sure was swanky as all get out, and still smells of cigarette smoke to this day, was sorta a trip. I am positive I have been in there before, as I have spent some time in bars in and around the 19th avenue drag thru downtown/central Phoenix as a small lad with my dad, but to go to that place as an adult and think of Al McCoy stopping in for a Manhattan or Kurt Rambis pounding some Budweiser's really got me hyped.

Now, all this basket ball talk, why? Well, the damn prizes for most all the fair games were Lakers jerseys. WHAT! Sacrilegious! Does RCS (the fair folk) now where they are! Lakers WTF! I wanted to play all these games then deep fry all the lakers jerseys in the place, as a sign of respect to Cotton Fitzsimmons. Jesus.

We did play a game though, we had $5 worth of tickets, which equals one game. So dumb, so we decided to buy a basket of of rings to throw over coke bottles, as it was the only thing we could both do together due to the lack of tickets flow we had. We knew we wouldn't win, and we didn't want to, as the prizes for this particular game we stuffed animals the size of full grown polar bears. We guess the eff what. We won. Son of a bitch!! What are we going to do with a massive stuffed animal! We live in a 1300 Sgft house, and we have too much crap as it is, and by too much we have barely anything. What are we going to do with a 6 foot long 3 feet tall stuffed alligator! I couldn't even carry the damn thing, and I am a very strong and handsome person who should be more then capable of carrying a stuffed animal. Well, Mexican family trying to leave the fair unscathed and with no garbage, guess what, you just got a massive stuffed animal. The little girl was stoked, the dad, all he said was GRANDE! and just starred at the dumb new addition to his house. Your welcome pal. I bet your thinking SB 1070 was a good idea now, as I am sure they don't produce retarded massive stuffed alligators in New Spain.

So we return to the car, to see that the parking lot had closed up for the night, we thought, what a waste, but no, it wasn't, the homeless dudes where still on the grounds watching our car, and digging thru the trash with the glow from the rave bracelet thing's they used to lure cars into the lot in the first place. That was awesome.

Keep it classy Internet.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Wielding A Red Sword

The Rial Blog Rouge Catholic/Jehovah Witness/Zoroaster Hybrid Prayer Hut International Headquarters secretly located on the slopes of South Stony Mountain in the Village known as East Sunnyslope in the geopolitical basin known as Phoenix that is found in the Monroe Doctrine envisioned occupied territories called Arizona in the hyper sensitive and fake line on map region refereed to as the United States of America on the soon to sink land mass falsely named North America that is situated on the third rock from the sun entitled Terra, has been over run by mosquitoes.

These blood suckers are out for justice. The whole place is lousy with em'. And you know why? Its wi-fi. Transmitting the Internet thru the air was a bad idea, I told them this when I was advised in the Council of Trent. (look it up) I told them that air born animals will become self aware and will know our secrets. They will be caught up on our television shows, learn how schedules and habits and know our secrets. This is fact. We don't ger very many mosquitoes at the wicker hut very often, if ever, and now, completely over run. And you know why? Let em explain to you why.

For our loyal and long time readers, and believe me, there is no one new here, if there was I would be making more money selling all your IP address to google to base ads to your Internet searching tastes, but there isn't, but in case there is....we at the Rial Blog Fully Clothed Nude Catalog HATE vampires and all vampire related things worthy of hate. We have written volumes upon leather bound volumes of anti-vampire propaganda. And you know who shares a kindred solidarity with vampires?


Sons of bitches are aiming for us because we speak the truth, we stand up and we say NO MORE DUMB, HOMO EROTIC (but not in a cool mustache kinda way),LAZY EYED, MOUTH BREATHING VAMPIRE TV SHOWS/MOVIES! And the mesquites heard, oh they heard loud and clear. Penelope's soft, baby like legs...completely covered inch by inch with the wounds of these flesh penetrating insects. What is to become of here 19 month baby shorts photo shoot? How is she to wear skirts and not feel self conscious. She works hard, climbing up and down the bed, to sculpt lean baby legs. Now, she looks as if her complexion is that of a a burn victim. Nothing against burn victims, but ask them and they will be the first to say they would prefer not having discoloring an painfully scars on there bodies, I guarantee that.

So be careful what you do, be care full what you say, it might be held against you in court one day, the court of vengeance.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

True Colours

So this dude at work, who is totally and utterly lame as all hell has ruined Phil Collins for me, not that I was on a high dose of Phil Collins to begin with, but his constant playing of Phils greatest hits, more importantly True Colors and In The Air Tonight is seriously becoming a Vietnamese/Chinese/al Queda/Quantanimo Bay type torture technique. Sucks. So this will be written to the sound of me grinding teeth and Mr. Collins sharing another day in paradise with some one, and that some one is a poor soul indeed.

So Penelope is cute. Strings words together that form very basic sentences. Much like the way I type, and most people talk.

"Dada's caaar" "Dada's hommmmmee" "Momma Sair" (calling sarah by her slave name)
Its cool, we can have conversations about stuff most dimwits discuss, much like me and Phil Collins fan at works conversations. Stoked on that.

So, on to the very pressing issue at hand: Tone Loc's 1989 hit single, Funky Cold Medina is kinda of an awkward song. At some point during his introduction to what I am assuming is some type of herbal drink additive, he gets his house run over by dogs, and brings a dude home and gets all the way to the point where they are naked together.

Lets address this dog issue. He first tests the drink on his dog, who immediately latches onto his leg and attempts to have sex with him. Now Tone's dog wasn't always a nice dog but the Medina has really changed the disposition of his dog, as shown here:

He used to scratch and bite me, before he was much much meaner
But now all the poodles run to my house for the Funky Cold Medina

Now, Tone is cool with this, but then

I got every dog in my neighborhood breakin down my door
I got Spuds McKenzie
Alex from Stroh's
They won't leave my dog alone with that Medina, pal

So Tone went from having a mean dog to running some sort of celebrity dog brothel. OK. Thats weird. Right? Why would he tell us this? I mean I know its to show how effective this aphrodisiac is, but really, I am not ever going to your house Mr. Loc, there are dogs EVERYWHERE. Sounds kinda like an anti get laid pad dude. But it gets better. Lets let Tone explain:

I went up to this girl, she said, Hi, my name is Sheena
I thought she'd be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina
She said, I'd like a drink, I said, Ehm - ok, I'll go get it
Then a couple sips she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it
So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man
So I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener
You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

You know, ain't no plans with a man
This is the 80's, and I'm down with the ladies
Ya know?

You where down with the ladies until you made out with a dude that one night, Tone, again, why are you telling us this? I am kinda awkward here pal. He goes on to explain going on some dating show and not wanting to get married, what ever, I am all ready convinced a date rape drug is the less of your worries here, I think your poor choices have lead up to this point of total desperation and more then a stiff drink is going to help you.

So every one, chew over this information presented here and learn from Tone Loc's mistakes.

I've been waitin' for this moment, all my life, oh Lord....

Monday, October 18, 2010


People of the universe, stop being so bummed/fake bummed its Monday. Its not endearing, its not funny, its nothing new.

Really, you hate Mondays also? HELL YEAH! lets hang out, eventually start a romantic relationship, get married, buy a house, eventually flip that house for a condo in a high rise and a time share in Mexico, retire off some good investments on I HATE MONDAY paraphernalia and travel the world til our bodies fail us and we sleep with the fish.

There are 52 Mondays in the year 2010. That is more then a whole month you will spend this year hating that fact that it is Monday. Look people, we don't live on Friday Night thru Sunday alone. There are 5 days in between. Sure, Monday sucks because it starts the 40 hours plus that we have to do something we don't want to. But you know what also sucks? Not living everyday of our fleeting lives. That sucks. 52 Mondays in 2010. Lets say that is the average. And lets say you are 30. So you have only really been hating Mondays since you started hating school, lets say age 12. That is 936 days, roughly 2.5 years. Lets say your 40 that is 3.9 years. WHAT THE HELL!

The average human life span is 75 for men and 80 for women. Lets say you spend spend 53 years of that time working/going to school and hating Mondays. That is 8 years spent hating and pining for a day to be over. So drop that life expectancy down 8 years, because well, you didn't live for 8 of those years.

Now, all this math is really irrefutable, so don't try and do it in your head, you need an abacus and an ancient Mayan text written in Sheep's blood. And I KNOW all of you do not have access to that. So trust me on this. And LIVE!!! I miss my wife and kid, I hate working, but I also appreciate life and I appreciate high brow, un obvious conversation. I don't give a shit about what day of the week it is, I give a crap about bad drivers, because YOU MR./Mrs. bad driver complainer, are a bad driver, we all ARE! And I have no time to talk about the weather longer then 5 minutes ONCE a day. ONCE!!! So if you see me in public and a tornado didn't just touch down...guess what, I have already had my weather conversation, plus I already know its fucking hot. Its kinda obvious.

Any way, I was going to write about the McRib today, but you know, its Monday, so that piece will have to hang in there til Tuesday. So live life like you got a pair, everyday, no matter what day. and have a good day.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Dutch Browski

So I went to a coffee drive thru hut today because of poor driving decisions I ended up taking the road less traveled (by me) and ended up in a Dutch Bros drive thru. The following is a transcript of what happened:

(I pull up to the order window, Bachman Turner Overdrives "You Aint Scene Nothing Yet" is blarring at a way to loud volume for that song, even for 1974)

Coffe Dude (a tall, robust man in his late 20's with a orange red beard and spikes up faux hawk/spikes thingy and tons of tatoos, the ones I could make out where a panther, a horse show, flames, a can of motor oil)

any way--Coffee Dude - what up bro! what it be?

Me - can I get an iced coffee please?

Coffee Dude - you look like you really want a mocha (I did actually)

Me - ok, I will take a ....(he had walked away before I could state my size, and with the loud 70's rock, no way he was hearing me anyway at this point his counter part coffee girl walks up)

Coffee Chick - large iced mocha quad (at this point my order is totally out of my hands, what the hell is a quad? Coffee dude come back up)

Coffee dude - so how is your day? what are you up to?

Me - on my way to work (and I am cut off before anything else can be said)

Coffee Dude - Bro work is cool, got to do something to kill the day, I mean, I can't wait til night to start smoking, you know, the ganja!

Me - oh...ok.

Coffee Chick - ok your large mocha quad will be $4.00

Coffee Dude - BRO, you have a punch card?

Me - I am ok, I don't need one

Coffee Chick - fuck that, hook him up! (said to coffee dude)

Coffee Dude - oh shit, your right here you go dude I punched it 8 times!

Coffee Chick - yeah and here is a discount, its $2.75 now, and we added an extra shot! (so at this point I went from a small iced coffee to a 5 shot large mocha, for a nominal price, and while I am thankfull, this is not what I wanted, who drinks that many shots in a glorified chocolate milk, I wasn't planning on eating anything for breakfast, but half way thru this heart attack drink I am going to start shaking from lack of nutrients my body will start with drawing from, this is not what I had planned for my day, anyway, i pay and I think as I drive away they high fived. And restared the song. I am thinking they don't really work at this place, they are actually a band of traveling serial killers who broke into the Dutch Bros shack , killed the employee and snorted various powders thru there nose, and will burn that stand down on there way to Mexico or where ever the wind takes them. Actually, I think I know this as fact.)

Shut your mouths and get back in your seats til next time.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Get int he kitchen women!

So Sarah has tireless slaved over the creation of a fake kitchen for Penelope to make fake food from out of a small lil record dresser thingy. The project is 90% complete, stay tuned.


Thursday, September 23, 2010

All Right Fine.

Will will update this dang thing. Why can't they just make a machine that takes our thoughts and turns them in to re-readable articles of brilliance? I mean, we have little viles of 5 hour energy, I think we are directing our intelligence in the wrong direction. Because you know what? A good diet and sleep and exercise and a relative substance free lifestyle = energy. And that stuff is free (except the food part) But we insist on making 34564332 types of drinks to keep us awake. Where are the mind reading article publishing machines? Where are the robotic vacuum cleaners, wait they have those...oh. Do they work right? Doesn't matter. I can't think lately and well, it sucks.

You know what also sucks? What we settle for. I settle alot, more then I like to and you know what, screw that! We should never ever settle, right? That is when the commies win, or who ever is our enemy. The Muslims? They aren't my enemy, and well I am an American, so I suppose they aren't our enemy, looking at you crazy old dudes in Gainesville FL. Any way, off topic. Settling: My key point here is the person that shows you there tattoo and says, "my friend Carlos did this (Carlos isn't real, its a rad name, not intending to make this about Mexicans, looking at you kooky white people in Arizona). Then the other person within your area goes, "oh, look at mine, Bertrand did mine." Then they both compare there skin art and then obviously price comes into play.

"Yeah Carlos is cool, plus he gives me a great price, I paid $45 for this fairy riding a snowflake on my shoulder"

"Oh, that is cool, Bertrand does his at his house and I just bought him a 12 pack of Newcastle for this goblin cradling a dagger"

Right? I have heard this exact same conversation 100 times. the most important part: these people settled for the cost effective method of permanently staining there skin. I am not saying Carlos and Bertrand are bad at there craft, but if Carlos and Bertrand where worth there weight in tattoo ink, they wouldn't be working for less then $50 or for beer. They would have face tattoos and a show on TLC. Why would you permanently have a drawing on your skin...FOREVER...for the price of a DVD player? Do not settle for that. YOU and I have to look at your tattoo for the length of your flesh being attached to your skin (I am predicting a HUGE comeback for leprosy) Get the best you can find and pay for that shit, make it amazing, deep rich colors, fine lines, the whole thing, its forever! I pay more for car washes then people do for tattoos some times, not right!

So, we got some stuff coming down the line, and maybe some more blogs also.

Don't settle.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Fur Real

So, me, Corey, the voice of this literary journey thru crimes against grammer, has been refelcting latley on a specific band that has been incredibly important, in a wierd way, in the development of my disposition and lack/over compensating disregard for almost everything. I am sure the same for Sarah, the Chief Operating Officer of this venture capital group we call the Rials Blog (I haven't asked her, but I am certain she agrees, if I know her, which I do) Anyways, propagandhi, for those not in the know, are a band from canada (not that that matters) you play punk rock. They rule. And we shall now chronicle the importance of this band to us at the Rial Mail Order Roomate Distribution Center.

As a wide eyed and formative teenager, the album "How To Clean Everything" was the shining/guiding/middle finger responding compass rose to my voyage thru all things rad. As an angry teen (aren't we all) anti conformity and anti status qua (or I thought, mostly just anti my parents and anti the knuckleheads at school) appealed to me. Skateboarding, punk rock, hip hop, heavy metal, deviant art, you know, anti social yet social in the "elite" group kinda stuff. Anyways, there are the standards, the NoFX's, the Rancids, the fast yet safe punk bands. They were dangerous at first, but as time goes by and you dig deeper and navigate your way thru the annals of at the time "underground" culture, you find out they were kinda watered down.

Then along came "How To Clean Everything". I am not saying this was a ground breaking album and not that different from NofX's Punk In Drublic or Rancids Self Titled. It was fast, it was snotty, it was on par with its contemporaries. But there was something different. For one thing, this band had an underlying air of bitter, impassioned, and provoked dissent that the before mentioned bands had. They were really pissed, and it felt real. These songs taught me to funnel my anger, to stand apart from the crowd, even from the same crowd that I was standing apart with. It gave me a sense of a greater purpose, not sure why and not sure what that purpose was, but I felt motivated, I felt like everything else was childish. Songs about beer bongs and boobs, were dumb and a waste of my energy as a youth in revolt. I know its silly that a single record by a random band can do this, but it did, this shit really rang thru with me.

So fast forward a couple years, bands like fifteen and J-Church have replaced NoFX and Rancid, the musical pallet has become a lil more refined, relative to the genre. I was still angry and confused, just not as much as I was earlier, a lil direction had crept in, just a little. Here comes "Less Talk, More Rock" and holy crap. this album focused me. These were dudes who I thought were cool, they make music I like, so that means they probably like the same bands I like, they are angry, hey I am angry, they could probably hang out with me if they lived in my town. They are probably just like my friends. Know that sounds kinda creepy and stalker ish, but really, that is what makes something so endearing. i can't relate to Metallica and there millions, I can't really understand what it is like to be a young black man growing up in a poor neighborhood, but white dudes who are pissed and like fast music, shit that is my kinda crowd.

The anger from the first album was more refined, they had targets in the cross hairs. They had a message they wanted to shove down throats and it happened to be a message I agreed with. I had never much cared for meat, i have had one steak my whole life, turky cold cuts were about it for me, and the vegetarian ideas expressed in this album (coupled with a vegetarian girl I was either dating or had a crush on, I am not sure on the dates here) changed my diet. Changed my out look, changed my disposition, changed the damn world. My sexuality, it was confirmed that I was comfortable with it and there was nothing wrong with that and there was nothing wrong with people having different sexuality then me, it actually angered me that someone would be judged for having an attraction to a same sex person. Why is that important? Propagandhi agreed, they said fuck and flipped the script on the homophobes, took the fight to them, once again, world changed. Now I don't carry there word as gospel, but I can't think of any way to better describe my feelings on these subjects then this album. It reinforced that I can be angry, i can be dissent-ful, but still be compassionate, still be loving still be educated and still say screw the man. World Changed.

Fast Forward a couple more years. I am pretty much how I am today, dashing, handsome, incredibly strong, articulate, smart, and out comes "Todays Empires, Tomorrows Ashes" and holy goddamn crap! This album was a departure from the melodic albums of the past, and thank god! Enter a new bass player from the band I-Spy, who taught me its perfectly ok to scream your head off if you are impassioned about anything, and enter a more aggressive, angry and "smart" album. I now know its ok and encouraged to be heavy and fast while you age. No need to get pretty and nice (like the former bass players band, the Weakerthans, who I like, but not as much) Actual, now more then ever time to turn up and melt faces. A sonic kick to the nuts. I learned music can be semi complex yet still angry and punk, that is actually more punk then being shitty at your craft. World Changed.

As I progressed from a kid in Catholic school to a dude on a blog with gray hair, propagandhi has been by my side the whole time, reminding me, its ok, everything sucks, its how we take it back is all that matters (actual, I have never been reminded that, i am just running out of time and trying to write impact-full words, but instead mildly sappy dumb words.) Also, everything i wrote could also apply to FUGAZI and 15 (to a lesser extent)

Later doods

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Things We Know to be True

So first and foremost, Penelope should not be allowed around markers.
Second of all she is cute as all Hades and what ever greeks called heaven
Third of all she can now time travel.
Fourth of all she is a consummate host.
Fifth of all she doesn't much care for the beach

and sixth of all she will steal your purse

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Take this blog and shove it

Motivation has run exceptionally dry around the barren and frozen tundra that is the Rial Blog Make Shift Hot Air Baloon Greeting Card Assembly plant. I mean, stuff has been happening, but in the grand scheme of things, one person can only take so much gripping about co-workers and vampires. Or can they? What is the thresh hold for tolerance of incredible mundane and at best passable topics forced down your eye sockets from a white computer screen? I know I read/watch some pretty bad things. Its like I have a quota of less then par entertainment I have to meet. Does the ramblings and run on sentences of this blog fall in that category? I had a feeling it did, but you never know, this could be some ones Burn Notice (crummy show on USA network that I watch for no reason at all, because it is really really bad)

Well, we have decided to force ourselves to be on top of this, this snap shot of our high fashion and top shelve boozed filled lives. Perhaps open the window further? Naw, close it more, but make sure what comes out is worth releases much like the Kraken in the Clash of The Titans. Because, you know, they just don't release the Kraken any old day, it saved for special occasions like Yom Kip pour and Flag Day.

So while we lie constantly about what we are going to be doing in the future, take note that we will continue this practice, its working out very well for us, but we will be more active, hell maybe we will even talk about vampires and share pictures again...

So til the cup over flow-ith, we shall dine again.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

What did you do this weekend?

The Rial Blog Aerobic and Proof Reading bureau decided that a recently bought $20 dresser need about $30 worth of touch up to make it look aesthetically pleasing, these are the results. (Sarah did all of this...sanding, priming, painting, back flipping, sun dried tomato-ing)

John Hancock This

In the true spirit of our founding fathers, us at the Rial Blog Sports Advocacy and Hygiene Advancement Academy built some shade ffor our plants using what we had available...indigenous peoples labor and burlap sacks. The frame for the larger shade is made out of dried sunflower stalks. Pretty DIY if your into that kinda stuff.