Friday, November 27, 2009

Like a hot knife thru butter

My sister Amy came over to the Rial Blog Corporate Retreat last night after thanksgiving, in which Penelope awed the Masses with her feets of assisted walking strength, and we watched NOTORIOUS the Notorious B.I.G. biopic, and she left interested and wanting more. So with out further adu, here is the Rial blog quintessential guide to hip hop.

right click the links to have them play uninterrupted this chronicle

Diary of a Madmen
A group from New York well-known for its dark sense of humor and abrasive, menacing soundscapes. The group was formed in 1994 bringing together Prince Paul (The Undertaker), Frukwan (The Gatekeeper), Too Poetic (The Grym Reaper) and RZA (The Rzarector).
Taking the WU an dmaking it evil, tight!

Souls of Mischief
From 93' Til
a group from Oakland California that is also part of the hip hop collective called Hieroglyphics The Souls of Mischief formed in 1991 and is composed of emcees A-Plus, Opio, Phesto, and Tajai. Totally skateboard hip hop, and totally the reason Hiero is legit, Del is cool, but the mighty Souls add to the group so much more

Notorious B.I.G.
Just tight, straight up.

Ain't No Nigga
He is one of the most financially successful hip hop artists and entrepreneurs in America,having a net worth of over $150 million, selling over 30 million copies of his albums in the United States alone and receiving several awards for his musical work.
Still making great songs.

Wu-Tang Clan
The collective is the essential to hip hop. From the solo records to the group, this is essential as all get out.
Protect Your Neck
Iron Man
Brooklyn Zoo
Gravel pit
And This is just a taste

If I ruled the world
Street Prophet

And that is all for now, just a taste, if you can get behind all this, then your on the right track for some deeper stuff.

--Peace I am out jetin' like a run away slave.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Express yer Self

Penelope is making all sorts of gestures and expressions of emotion, Laughing, pretending to laugh because other people are, and the laugh, the real one, is cute, because it is real, its her real voice making a giggle like sound. Warms the photogenically frozen heart right up. She makes a face when she doesn't like a food we are giving her (looking at you carrots and sweet potatoes) and its this super puckered "I just ate 45 atomic war head" face. Any way, people love, or at least like to tell you, about there baby's progress. And on the whole its boring right? I kinda think it is, unless its:

"my three month old made a sign proclaiming her hate for homo's"
"my one year old just told me to shut up and clean the kitchen, Adam didn't eat the forbidden fruit til women kind temped us, at least you can do is scrub that casserole dish"

Right, that kinda stuff would be epic, but no, we share weekly progress reports to the masses. Its not like your baby was the first to pull there crap out of there diaper and smear it all over the wall, it is not like a first step is THAT important, tell me when they take there final step after having to deal with 75 years of crushing defeat after crushing defeat. Well...guess what, it is kinda important. And I speak for every parent every where, its true, I have a signed affidavit stating so, I also have all your social security numbers, so get ready for some phone sex charges on credit cards you didn't know you had parents of the world...where was I?...oh, yeah, this shit is important because last week, the baby didn't do that. One week ago they laid on there backs with there waste taped to there bottoms, they made intangible nonsense with there teeth less mouths, they woke up every 3 hours. It is friggin insane when a baby goes from one week staring at you blankly, to the next recognizing you and calling you dada (i am fairly certain this hasn't happened to me yet).

I mean, what the hell did you do last week? Not learn the lesson that playing Bejeweled Blitz when you should be headed out the door will make you late for work? Not remember that Taco Bell only tastes good when your drunk or you haven't had it in 2 months? This friggin things are evolving. baby's are growing so fast it is making us look bad. In a weeks time we couldn't meet all the goals on our to do lists, and we are all ready "evolved' or "grown up". In a weeks time we will do nothing to improve our lives, and mostly do things to make our lives worse. Its wild, that is why parents tell you about the boring crap there kids do. because that shit is insane and waaay cooler then watching Law and Order marathons and promising yourself the diet will take next week, after you get one more bucket of KFC or whatever is hot on the streets now a days.

And speaking of expressions, we need to get on the baby chain, eff feelings. When we don't like something, lets start saying:

"naw, thats out man, I don't like it"
instead of
"WEEELLLLLLL, umm, maybe, but I don't really know, I am probably going to think about it"

Man, forget that, say no, say you aren't going out, do you really think your going to have a lasting negative effect on a person by shooting them straight. Honesty, don't be a dick, but don't be a subliminal dick by trying to not hurt the persons feelings. Come on ego maniac, you think you can ruins every ones day by disapproving of there ideas or actions, every day I am told no and tuned down, sure it phases me, phases me to up the anti, to make a better product to bring some better ideas or to just go to lunch alone, its ok, there will be around 500000 more lunches or something like that.

So lets be like baby's and where our emotions on our sleaves, I am sure it will get us all where we are destined to be, alone, eating lunch, the way god intended.

Enjoy your Turkey Holocaust, you little poultry Hitlers you.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Shall we dance

Ok, so I haven't had a potentially harmfull confrontation with a complete stranger in a long time. Maybe having a kid has taken me out of such situations...less frequently in those situations should I say, because I went to go see the band Dillinger Four and I was riding in a van from the house show to the bar show and some stranger was getting bummed and aggro that my knee kept touching his knee in a sardine packed clown van and when we finally arrived to our destination I grabbed his knees rubbed em real nice, told him to eat a dick and disappeared into a large crowd. But other than that occasion, no real hairy situations.

This was a semi common occurrence for a while lets say between 2003-2007 to be the prime lets try and fight Corey years. There was this huge, 40 year old gangster dude, like some Mexican Mafia or some silly street social club, in my electronic music class at Glendale Community College who wanted to fight me for making fun of him after he kept blowing me off about an assignment we had...long story, but I got the hell out of there after he stood up to throw down. There is the guy at Greenway Village Cocktail Lounge that wanted to stab me after I asked him to "meet me half way" (that's arm wrestle for you uncivilized, and he asked me to play pool, I said no, wanna meet me half way, no reason to want to stab some one)....(well, he also started talking about how he hates Mexicans and I started talking about how I love venereal disease and open sores....and if it wasn't for my brother in law who was in the middle of a knife fight standoff, I would probably have a couple gills). There is the guy I "accidental" flicked a lit cigarette on and it burnt a whole into his sweater and some old man wanted to test his mettle. There is the underling co-worker who tried to fight me for all the reasons above complied into 8 hours a day every day.

But anyway, yea, there are alot more examples, and quit frankly, boy am I glad I never actually got into Said fights, and I am glad that these situations are not occurring as much as they used to. I haven't actually thrown a fist in anger or whatever constitutes fighting know a days since I was 15 years old, so yea. Anyway, I am developing some sort of new perspective I think, I will run a battery of tests on myself, including and not limited to electro-shock, water boarding, hypno therapy, and starvation, see if I could come to some new level of enlightenment.

On another note, my sister and her boyfriend puked all over a couch I had and essentially ruined it, people either don't like my snarky signs or don't understand how toilets work and I have been so full of food since Saturday.

Real Talk tomorrow.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Like that Proclaimers song

You know something about walking 804 kilometer or something , but this is considerably shorter.

Let me preface this a bit.

Penelope, disputatiously (spell check may be pulling my leg), has very poor taste in music, and really can you fault her, she was raised by migrant farmers for the first 6 months of her life, you know with the recession and all, you can get what you can take. But I digress, her taste in music is the topic at hand, and oh brother is it bad. War's Lowrider really gets her bouncing in her one pieces, and while that isn't all that bad, it gets worse, that song is the best in her playlist. What really gets her amped is Solange Knowles (Beyonce's little sister) Children's album. Man does this thing suck, but the baby can't get enough.

So, as part of our training for her to be oblivious to counter terrorism interrogation techniques, we push the demo on her Solange Cd and then place the item well out of reach. Well, this time, the baby had had (is this proper grammar? Where is my copy of wordperfect 1997....) enough, she rose to her feet in defiance, mouth grinning as wide as it can get, and she walked over to the book case to retrieve her favorite CD/chew toy. Well, of course she failed, it was 6 steps then the floor, but that is pretty crazy right? I mean not in the Pontiac Silver Dome being sold for 500k crazy, but to this small and humble Quaker family it was pretty heavy.

So lets look at some pics.


It has been a rial

That is the URL address in the like that, full circle. Any way, are you readers of borderline interesting blogs doing?.....well, I can't hear your reply so i am going to assume miserable. The type of miserable sunny 75 degree days can bring, the kind of miserable low of 50 and clear star filled nights can bring, the kind of miserable good gas mileage brings. i know I know, we all pine for the days of summer spent thanking the all mighty gods of wind and sand for the microwaved potting soil-esque conditions of May-Sept, but this miserable extended fall will end soon enough, to not worry. Just stay inside and shut the blinds.

Penelope has taken steps, independent of any type of support (not counting emotional support, but she doesn't get that either, we are trying to crush any hope or self esteem she has so we can fuse adamantium to her bones and unleash her into the Canadian wilds) She even has this walker thing, like the kind old people and crazy obese people use, but it sings jazz standards and has wheels, and she tears ass all over the place in it. She even paces up and down the side walk, cussing at young kids for being too noisy and for cars driving to fast. it is cute, cuz she is like 8 inches tall and the fact that she can do this defies all odds.

But she is growing into a very cute little person, hair coming in, pants being worn, phrases crudely repeated, its pretty effing rad.

We at the Rial Blog Corporate Headquarters and Brain Trust Frozen Depositary are having an annual party/pyramid scheme seminar Saturday that will involve eating textured soy protein and drinking fermented wheat. I am excited, I would be "need to change my pants" excited if a representative from the Clan Candela could make it, but I understand that there can be only one and the constant pursuit of other sword wielding immortals is a full time job. But it would still be cool. My sister is heading down from the great white north to hang, she is very pumped, as am I. We like each other more when we see each other on every solstice, but I am more excited for her to she Penelope, as she has progressed into a stealth fighting machine, and my sister really needs to practice against a worthy opponent. Also attending is...well who cares, it should be fun, and maybe I will post a blog about it with pictures and haiku's!

That is all for now, I promise on the United States Constitution that more of this insight will come flowing out of the Internet much like the Colorado river once it makes to Mexico...errr. like a stream...eff it. I will write more.

Good Night Now

Friday, November 13, 2009

Time to harvest the crust from your eyes

So, our fall food stuffs came in and I don't think we are going to make it thru the winter.

Please send us rations