Thursday, November 18, 2010

Booze Rulz

It has come to our attention people do not know how to drink. Take the retarded banning of energy alcohol, it just shows that givin bad choices, people will take them. I have no problem with energy booze. It is fine, not my preferred choice, but I have consumed several of these, and if you haven't, then you know drinking several and driving is about as good idea as lighting your self on fire then jumping in a pit full of cobras. But you know what else is equal to or greater then that? Drinking ANYTHING and driving. So yeah.

But this isn't about Four Loko, this is about the classier things in life. Real booze. You people are really blowing it. Lets break this down.


Beer is an excellent gateway drug to pregnancy and a nice beverage to drink in every single occasion. But 99% of you are totally off track with it. Beer should not be treated the way the general populations treats it. If you look at your local grocers beer section what do you see? Endless budweiser red and coors silver mixed in with some miller yellow. Gross, puke, and blah. Lets break make this clearer.

How to Drink Beer.
If you are drinking a beer out of a bottle, and you are not on the beach drinking a corona as you skip rocks across the ocean, then you must poor that beer into a mug. Drinking beer out of a bottle may give you the sense of some vague form of airs, but its just a bottle, its not particularity easy to drink out of and its hardly ergonomically designed to fit in a human hand. Poor draft beers and bottles into a mug. Thats number one.
Number two - cans aren't trashy. Beer in a can stays cooler, and perfectly fits in the clutchs of the imbiber. AND "good" beers come in cans folks. Off the top of my head, Four Peaks Sunbru, Newcastle Brown Ale, New Belgium Fat Tire, they are out there, get them. Another great thing about cans, they compact and make less trash. Done and Done right!

What beer to Drink:
All this time/liver wasted on Bud/Miller/Coors. Stop it. That shit is priced waay to high for the garbage it is and its not good. Really, its not. Try a "craftier" brew like a hefeweizen or IPA or anything other then an American Lager, they are tastier. And price. DUDES! Budweiser 12 pack is like $15. A "lesser" qaulity discount beer 18 is usually around $10. IF YOU FEEL SO DESIRED TO DRINK CRUMMY WATERED DOWN CORPORATE BEER, then drink the cheap stuff, cuz really Miller Highlife is waay better then Budweiser. Milwaukee Best is waaay better then Coors Original, Natural Light murders Miller Light. Take the challenge, the cheap guys kill the big dogs.

So, to recollect the info, cheap and craft beers, no middle of the road staples. Cans over bottles, mugs over all. Got it. i don't want to go to your BBQ and see you drinking bottles of Bud Light. Got it?


This industry is almost as effed up as the US economy. People treat booze as some sort of special occasion or lets get drunk as fast as possible item. Its has been abused and undervalued for way to long. People, stop mixing your drinks with gross soda and stop shooting candy flavored drinks, are you an adult drinking or a little kid?

How to drink booze.
This gets a lil more complicated then can or bottle or mug. But lets tackle whiskey, because rum is for sailors and vodka for Europeans. This all depends on what type whisky you are drinking. In some scenarios, a soda additive is fully acceptable, diabetes on the other hand is your call. If you drinking a bourbon or a Kentucky whisky, see Jim Beam and Jack Daniels, then put that stuff in soda. Better yet, put it in a nice ginger ale. If your in the woods, all bets are off, it has to be straight. But we aren't talking woods here.
If your drinking a higher grade Canadian whiskey, lets say Crown Royal. Never ever ever ever put soda in that. EVER. Save your money and buy some old crow and add a litter of RC or whatever, but if your drinking Crown Royal, no. Drink it neat. Its a sipping whisky, drink it in a large shot glass, no ice, no soda. Sip it, its good, its warm, its delicious.
Are you drinking scotch? Then get that on the rocks, chill it down and let some of the water delude the taste. Again no soda. If your drinking a blended scotch, you may want to skip the ice, the melting water will only accent the crappier whiskey they used in the blend (see crown royal)

Oh and while we are at chilling it with ice. NEVER put your booze in the freezer. EVER, its chemistry and science speaking here, not me. Keep in room temp.

What booze to drink.
If your shipping, drink whiskey, a blended Canadian or a single malt scotch. If your mixing, American whiskey. If your shooting it, what ever is cheapest. If vodka is in play, and its cheap vodka, add whatever juice you love or energy drink. If its gin your drinking, straight or with a kiss of ginger BEER (not ale) Again, rum is for sailors. The girly mix drinks that have a cocktail of a million things, that is in your court. I don't subscribe to those. My cocktail limit is three ingredients MAX. and I consider Ice an ingredient.

So folks. Take my advice and try taking some pride it what we put in our bodies, I mean none of this shit is good for you, so might as well make it enjoyable/classy/interesting.

More later on this topic...goodnight now!

No comments:

Post a Comment