Thursday, May 7, 2009

Michael Keaton has got nothing on me

Today is the first prolonged one on one, mano y mano, welter weight title bought between me and Penelope. Sarahs brother Jonny is apparently having a kid today, so we suppose we will let the free child care slide for today, but just this once! So...I am at home with the little one and we are hanging out, we ordered pizzas, smoked rolled cigerettes, watched a little adult programming, you know, let it all hang out. We are both currently not wearing pants, just the under garments and t-shirts, we are LIVING!

She is wearing a DiamondBacks t-shirt, in hopes they rally behind Manny Ramirez getting 50 games for steriods, any way.

So, I have been having alot of discussions with a co-worker I have mentioned before, and they are a little lopsided, mostly because, and facts prove this, I have the best opinion ever, and he is a jackass.

The newest one: Another co-worker, some phone jokey with khakis and a polo shirt, had a really bad car accident like two years ago. He had some serious spine injurys and just recently learned how to walk again. D-bag co-worker see's him limp by and says to me

"you know, I wonder if he relizes I have 7 more injurys them him"
in fake interest I say:
"oh really, maybe you should tell him, becasue I am sure he really wants to know the number of injuries you have had"
(not that bad of a burn, I know, it was a long day and I had rasberyy iced tea, yeah , I know)
he replies
"I have broken my legs twice, cracked my skull open, and you know about my broken collar bone"

--ok, never mind that hid list didn't add up to seven, the main focus here is his collor bone, dude says he broke his collar bone a week before he started working with me, and he never got it properly healed....we work in a warehouse where you pick up heavy things all day long, its actually what they pay us to do. He picks up heavy things, I am not a collorboneocalogist or anything but I am 100% sure that you can not pick up 75 pound boxes of bullshit, let alone anything, with a broken collar bone, especially one that has never healed.

So dude is a sack, whatever, it angered me, and I know it shouldn't, that he compared a phantom collar bone break to a spine injury that made a person un able to use the lower half of his body for one whole friggin year!

Lets get the tally
Spine injury > coller bone
Prince > kid Rock
watching grass grow > hockey
getting kicked in the junk > nick cage

I feel safe to say you all agree with me and I cheer your excellent taste.
Oh, one more thing...I can go for days. We are working, and we work on computers along with scales and stuff, real "high" tech stuff, and he was playing Pearl Jam allllllll day. I snapped and said enough!, "We do not need to listen to Evenflo for the 6th time today, why in the hell are you even listening to Pearl jam let alone a monster block of it"
His response was he got a text from the "coolest guy " he knows that said something to the effect of "today is listen to Pearl Jam day, they are the best band ever!"

I ask how the coolest guy he knows could think Pearl Jam is the best band ever, and here is his description of this most awesome Pearl Jam fanatic: He is totally cutting edge and extreme man, he does herion, wears flannel and has really long hair, he really pushes the boundaries on cool" (I shit you not, I thought he was joking also, but after a couple, stop effing with me's, it dawned on me that he thinks this dude is cool.)

I immediately called bull shit. There is no way in 2009 is there some one in Phoenix Arizona that wears flannel, doc martins and has long hair, does heroin and still jams out to pearl jam, it can't possibly be! He swears to god. I repeatedly told me A) God hates liars and St. peter is keeping tabs (he responded with "what") B) this dude does not do heroin, he has watched Singles Waaaay to many times and is living vicariously thru some dude from 15 years ago. (which was responded with "I never understand what your saying) C) NO FUCKING WAY do you think that is cool...How can you, its totally not cool, its totally a lie and ITS TOTALLY NOT TRUE.....PEARL JAM SUCKS (coming from some one who used to like Pearl Jam)

He didn't understand anything I said apparently because he went on playing his Pearl jam, with a little Candle box mixed in, and living is reality of shit that was lame 15 years ago is cool today......

I like hanging with Penelope better........


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