Thursday, October 7, 2010

Dutch Browski

So I went to a coffee drive thru hut today because of poor driving decisions I ended up taking the road less traveled (by me) and ended up in a Dutch Bros drive thru. The following is a transcript of what happened:

(I pull up to the order window, Bachman Turner Overdrives "You Aint Scene Nothing Yet" is blarring at a way to loud volume for that song, even for 1974)

Coffe Dude (a tall, robust man in his late 20's with a orange red beard and spikes up faux hawk/spikes thingy and tons of tatoos, the ones I could make out where a panther, a horse show, flames, a can of motor oil)

any way--Coffee Dude - what up bro! what it be?

Me - can I get an iced coffee please?

Coffee Dude - you look like you really want a mocha (I did actually)

Me - ok, I will take a ....(he had walked away before I could state my size, and with the loud 70's rock, no way he was hearing me anyway at this point his counter part coffee girl walks up)

Coffee Chick - large iced mocha quad (at this point my order is totally out of my hands, what the hell is a quad? Coffee dude come back up)

Coffee dude - so how is your day? what are you up to?

Me - on my way to work (and I am cut off before anything else can be said)

Coffee Dude - Bro work is cool, got to do something to kill the day, I mean, I can't wait til night to start smoking, you know, the ganja!

Me - oh...ok.

Coffee Chick - ok your large mocha quad will be $4.00

Coffee Dude - BRO, you have a punch card?

Me - I am ok, I don't need one

Coffee Chick - fuck that, hook him up! (said to coffee dude)

Coffee Dude - oh shit, your right here you go dude I punched it 8 times!

Coffee Chick - yeah and here is a discount, its $2.75 now, and we added an extra shot! (so at this point I went from a small iced coffee to a 5 shot large mocha, for a nominal price, and while I am thankfull, this is not what I wanted, who drinks that many shots in a glorified chocolate milk, I wasn't planning on eating anything for breakfast, but half way thru this heart attack drink I am going to start shaking from lack of nutrients my body will start with drawing from, this is not what I had planned for my day, anyway, i pay and I think as I drive away they high fived. And restared the song. I am thinking they don't really work at this place, they are actually a band of traveling serial killers who broke into the Dutch Bros shack , killed the employee and snorted various powders thru there nose, and will burn that stand down on there way to Mexico or where ever the wind takes them. Actually, I think I know this as fact.)

Shut your mouths and get back in your seats til next time.

1 comment:

  1. Well, I don't want to defend those guys because they clearly don't REALLY know what they're doing, but at Dutch Bros all iced drinks come in the big cup for a medium price. But as a Dutch Bros employee (with no tattoos and normal hair), their attitude and swearing isn't really what the company is going for. Sorry you had such a Twilight Zone experience there. You could have an iced coffee on me if you were ever up in my neck of the woods, but I'm no where near Phoenix.